Going to the Farside of the Universe for an Interview.

I have an interview today at 12:30 for the Scholastic call centre in Markham. Markham! (That's far). Anyway I'm wearing my new interview outfit (white capris with a grey button down top, très chique) so I should have no trouble landing this job. But Markham!? Do I want this job? Mapquest says it takes an hour and two minutes to get there.

So if you read this before 12:30, post a message of good luck (again, I'm pretending not to be talking to myself here).

Weekend at Amy's

I apologize to all my faithful blog readers (yeah right) for not blogging all weekend. I was away from the computer because I was at Amy's house. Amy's parents were away all weekend and I came over to help look after Amy's sister Steph. This is a really sweet deal because I get to hang out with my best friend and her sister all weekend and get paid for it! Sweet deal, eh? For those of you who don't know, Steph is a quadriplegic, so that's how come she needs someone to look after her (even though she's 21 or 22 years old now). I have huge Arnie arm muscles from lifting her! (no, not really but I do have a fat bum from sitting on it watching movies all the time). Here is the blow-by-blow of the weekend:

Saturday

I got up at 8:40 because I had set my alarm for 9 and for some reason I always get up 20 minutes before my alarm regardless of what time I set it to (one time I had to get up at 3am and I woke up at 2:40, no kidding). Anyway, I got all ready, packed my stuff for Amy's, made eggs for me and my Dad, called Amy to say I was coming, then Dad drove me to Amy's in his Mustang. When I got there Amy was still in her pjs. We watched Justice League for an hour and a half and then watched the movie of the day. The movie of the day was Princess Diaries1 because the sequel is coming out so so naturally we had to watch the first one again (Amy and Steph are into girlie movies). Then we went shopping for food (Amy was wearing clothes by this time) because Amy was planning to have people over for waffles on Sunday. Adam works in the same plaze as the Fortinos we went to so naturally we had to visit him. We invited him to come to dinner after work. After visiting Adam's work (Mailboxes etc.) we went to the Roger's next door and rented Cinderella II2 and watched it (duh). Adam came over after work and we ordered chicken wings (honey garlic for me and Adam, mild for Amy and Steph). We had Snickers ice cream with chocolate and caramel sauce for dessert. Yum! Adam picked a movie from Steph's collection to watch (Short Circuit3). After that Staying Alive4 was on tv (Adam thought it was a boring movie so he went home. Later, Amy and I watched celebrity trash tv until midnight and then went to bed.

Sunday

Amy made Steph promise not to wake us before 8am. So at 8 o'clock on the dot she woke us up (well Amy woke up, I slept a few dozen more minutes). We started getting the brunch ready because everyone was supposed to come at 11 (fat chance). Amy made the waffles and I cut strawberries and washed blueberries. When that was done, we watched Amy's tape of Dawson's Creek (that show is so depresso!) and waited for people to come. My fabulous boy was the only one who was on time (yeah Adam!). This girl Terrence showed up a few minutes after eleven (not bad at all especially since she brought homemade jam and maple syrup). Karen came at 11:45 (but brought cool whip). And the other 2 (Kelly and Blaire) came at noon! Noon! Anyway we went out on the patio and ate waffles with berries and jam and coolwhip and syrup. Yum. Amy's friends enjoy talking about bikini waxes, and eyebrow waxes, and who's dating who, and who's mad at who and blah blah blah. So you can imagine how well I fit in with the group. Oh well, my boy was there. We went swimming because there was finally summer weather. The pool was nice and warm (but not a bathtub). Amy's friends enjoy sunbathing and more blah blah blah and I got bored but still had fun (because of the swimming, waffles, and Adam). Amy made strawberry daquiries with too much rum and then barbecued hamburgers. Yum yum yum. And swam some more. Everyone pretty much left after that. We watched some Law and Order CI and some Crossing Jordan and some Sex shows and then went to bed.

Monday

Steph woke us up at 10 to 7 to use the washroom, then let us sleep to 8am (thank you Stephanie). Amy and I cleaned up our weekend mess because the parents were coming home at 12:30. Well, mostly Amy cleaned, I spent time in Steph's room watching a movie called Digging to China5. Amy's parents came home at 12:30 on the dot (they are very punctual). Amy's Dad gave me an Oh Henry bar as a souvenir. It was well received since I hadn't had any breakie. Me and Amy watched some Days of Our Lives and then decided to go see a movie. Adam and Craig came too. We wanted to see Catwoman, but apparently Showcase doesn't have matinees even though they advertise them in the paper (ahem). So we went to see the Terminal6 at Encore (Amy drove us in her Daddy's Jag). Then that was the end of Amy (I can only assume people cease to exist when I am not interacting with them). I went to hang out with Adam at his house and Craig made DVDs and we all watched Wonder Woman.

T H E E N D

1 It is good in a cheesey way (like most movies Amy and Steph like) **
2 Instead of one long story there are 3 little ones. The first and last story were the best, I could have done without the 2nd **
3 If you haven't seen this, you must. It is an 80s classic. ***
4 John Travolta in tight pants. *
5 Kevin Bacon plays a retard (sorry, I shouldn't say retard) who gets befriended by the odd kid. It's your typical heart-warming retard story (oops, I said it again). **
6 Tom Hanks lives at the airport. Lots of funny bits. ***

Review: Shakespeare in the Park

An evening of Old English and Ridiculous fun

Yesterday was the first time Shakespeare has ever been performed in Spencer Smith Park. A momentous occasion to be sure! They modernized it a bit with costumes and musical numbers, but kept Billy Shake's language the same. This might make my sound uncultured but I find Shakespearean language about as difficult to understand as French: I get it, but it takes a bit of concentration, and it's definitely not English. My german grandmother did not get it. When asked if she enjoyed the play she replied: "It's nice to be in the fresh air."

The play was a midsummer night's dream, one of the ones with lots of ridiculous fun. The actors appeared to have lots of ridiculous fun performing and the audience had lots of ridiculous fun watching.

There's another performance tonight and I urge all the Burlington peeps to go see it (she says as if anyone really reads her blog). It's pay as you go (they suggest 12 bucks a person but you can put five cents in the bag and noone will be the wiser). Plus they have a draw for free dinner tickets (I know Becca is lucky about that kind of thing).

***

Review: The Stepford Wives

Either the women of Stepford are androids or they have chips in their heads. Make up your mind! If they are women with chips in their heads they would not be able to operate like an ATM, and you wouldn't need a duplicate Nicole Kidman body. If they are androids, how would it be possible to change them back at the end (oops, spoiler).

I was torn as to what rating to give this movie. It has good comedic value with lots of good one-liners. Fave line, when all the android/chip-in-the-head wives are talking about what kind of decorations you can make with pinecones Bette Midler says: "And I'm going to attach a pinecone to my vibrator and have a really merry Christmas."

However, a great cast and hillarious one-liners is not enough for a sci-fi nut like me to ignore the most gigantic plot hole I've seen yet.

*

BTW: One of these days I'll see the original. I want to see how it compares.

Dante: The Dog Who Saved Toronto

I love when the newspaper has good news. And pictures of doggies.

TheStar.com - City's best friend? Dante

Also, note Dante is a pound puppy. Proof positive that pound puppies are better than pure breds.

Dinomir

Yesterday I told Adam that he is just like Dinomir only not purple. Adam is not a former french immersion student, however, so he went "who?" So today I went on a mission to find I picture of Dinomir to show him (no small task since I'd forgotten how it's spelled).

After some searching I found this:
Dinomir va au zoo de Lille

It's in French but if you aren't a frenchie like me you can still look at the pictures and appreciate how this big friendly giant is just like my husband to be.

Review: Hellboy

Adam bought Hellboy on DVD.  I had not seen it because I thought it looked like a movie about a man in full body red paint running around saying "Aw, crap".

My little sister (I should stop calling her my little sister since she is 20 and has a son) took offence to my fiancé's purchase, loudly proclaiming: "That is the stupidest movie ever! It's about a little devil boy that was raised to be good! Totally stupid."  I thought that premise sounded kind of neat, actually, and Rob (the sister) thinks that Star Trek is boring, so all her opinions are suspect.

So I watched the flick with Adam.  It is indeed a movie about a man in full body red paint running around saying "Aw, crap" but once you get past that it's pretty good.  It has all the overdone special effects and predictability that you'd expect and love in any super hero movie.  Plus it's got big ugly monsters!  My favourite character is the psychic fishman that sounds like Niles.

One problem: when one dies, two shall rise.  So how does killing them all help in any way?  

**

It turned out okay (see previous entry)

I apologized to Hunter but he was already over it and Mom didn't make a fuss about my outburst which, for my mom, is the same thing as apologizing to me—neither of us were acting like grown-ups, eh?

Anyway, I had tastey ribs and a tastey salad (to negate the unhealthiness of the ribs).   For dessert my brother and sister and I had each had a different dessert and everyone tried everyone else's.  We all agreed mine was the best.  I am the best dessert picker ever!  Hunter had fun eating Kraft Dinner and playing Connect Four (the rules of which are considerably different when you're three). 

I should have changed my underwear too.

Said FU to my Mom in front of my Grandmother

I was eating out with the family (brother, sister, mom, dad, grandmother, nephew) and my three-year-old nephew happened to sit down right across from me where the server had just placed a large glass of beer.  Hunter (the nephew) proclaimed "I don't like beer" and pushed the glass over, getting the beer all over my lap. 

I don't think I yelled, but I might have because I was really ticked off! There's nothing quite as uncomfortable as an entire pint of ice cold beer in your lap. Anyway my mother was making fun of me, the way she loves to do (because everyone knows I am her least favourite daughter).  When I said "Could you guys get me some napkins?  I need lots of them!"  Mom said in a snotty voice: "I need napkins. Get me napkins." 

I said: "FU alright? It's not all over you!!"  Only I didn't use initials.  Those of you that know me, know that I NEVER swear, especially in front of old ladies and children so you can tell how super ticked off I was.

I'm just home now to change my pants and am blogging to let off steam.  I'm going to apologize to Hunter for yelling (he didn't mean to spill the beer) but the rest of them can go to that mythical place underground where the devil lives.

Art Centre Kids

I started my second week of volunteering at the Burlington Art Centre today.  This time I'm helping in the kinderart class.  There are eight kids aged four to seven.  Guess what: I remember all their names again!  I am a name remembering Genius.  You guys will have to take my word for it though.  I can list the teenagers names no prob, but with little kids you have to at least pretend to be net savy.  (People who run kiddie porn sites probably got started by putting little kids names in their blogs).

Anyway, the kids were great and the teacher, Deb (she's old enough to have her name in here) was really great.  The class was only half a day long and she already covered everything I learned in first year university: primary colours, still life, landscape, painting and drawing.   By the end of the week they should give these kids a BA!  (Although I doubt there'll be any art history).

This is how we know what love is: Jesus gave us ice cream!

I woke up this morning and my leg was asleep.  I hate that.

Anyway, here is  the second digi pic I have decided to post.  It is slightly out of focus (my camera sucks) but you can still read the card.   Back while I was at Nip the Christian Club was giving out free sundaes.  While I'm not too fond of organized religion, I do love ice cream.  Of course Christians aren't Christians unless they are trying to convert you—all those Christians out there know I'm kidding right?—so they also gave out business cards with a preachy bible quote on them.   I wasn't sure what ice cream had to do with Jesus, but I thought it was funny so I put the card in the empty bowl and took a picture.

So here it is:




This seems like a good time to link to my favourite atheist message board.

Google Search for Adam and Jen

I did an image search for "Adam and Jen".  It's amazing how many people there are named Jen, whose significant other is named Adam.  It made me feel quite average actually.  Amazingly enough, I found a picture of myself and it didn't have Adam in it. I don't usually find myself when I do searchs so I wonder why this particular pic showed up on this particular search.  The Google elves amaze me.

Anyway here's a weird picture that I also found when I searched for "Adam and Jen":
 
I can only assume that the knight with the suggestive sheild is Adam.  Jen must be one of the ants.  Or both of the ants (since it is such a common name).  Jen could be the flies too, but they don't seem very feminine.

Hot Hot Hot: Hopefully the First of Many Photos

I was inspired by a young man in Joe's photo class to put some of my photos on the internet.  Since I got my digi, I've been randomly taking pictures of things, signs and such, that I think are cool.  (Unfortunately many of them are out of focus, but that's okay because that's how myopic people like me see the world.) I always had the intention of putting them on-line but like many things I have the intention of doing I didn't end up finis...

Anyway here is a picture I took of a hotdog vendor in Toronto, in July, when Adam and I went to see the indi car race.  It is entitled:

Hot Hot Hot 

 

Covert Operations

Craig* and I broke into Adam**'s house so that Craig could burn a DVD.  While he was doing that, I snuck around the house doing sneaky things like feeding Cody*** and putting him outside.  Boy was Adam angry**** when he came home and saw the state of his affairs! 

*My brother
**My fiancé
***Adam's dog
**** By angry, I of course mean not even slightly surprised or upset.

Review: Raising Helen

My brother didn't like it.

It was a bit schmarmy.

It had the guy from My Big Fat Greek Wedding in it.  And Joan Cusack (I like her). And Kate Hudson (blech).  And mini-Bruce Willis (you know, the kid from The Kid)

No better or worse than you'd expect.

**

Review: The Day After Tomorrow

Yesterday me and Adam finally saw The Day After Tomorrow.  Adam had seen it before but he said he "wouldn't mind seeing it again"  so we went.    It was a disaster movie à la Armageddon, The Core, or Deep Impact.  Lots of special effects and what not.  Almost everyone on Earth dies but almost all the main characters survive.  That sort of thing.

If you haven't seen it SEE IT NOW while it is still in theatres. 
This is the type of movie that you're buddy will exclaim to you:
"You haven't seen THAT MOVIE? Oh my GOD! You HAVE to see it!"
so he will rent the DVD and you will watch it together and you will say: "That's lame"
and he will reply "Well, you should have seen it on the BIG SCREEN. It kicked butt on the BIG SCREEN."

Not that it was the best movie in the history of time or anything, I just don't think it would be that good on a tiny TV.  Worth seeing.  *** or **** (out of *****).

Stuff I did today.

Today was my first day volunteering at the Art Centre.  I'm helping in a teen photography class (who would've thought my uni photo class would ever be useful), instructed by a guy named Joe.  Joe has a sense of humour so I like him.
 
The class has eight kids in it: Emily, Jenna, Nate, Cameron, Jay, Leia, Laura, and Amy.  I am impressed with myself for remembering that.  Amy has a learning disability so I was called in to volunteer so Joe wouldn't have to spend all his time with her.  Unfortunately, Amy had an orthodontist appointment and didn't come until lunch.  She couldn't develop the film or anything because at the Art Centre they turn off the lights instead of using black bags, so everyone has to do the same thing at the same time or bust.  I helped her make some photograms (just chucking stuff on photo paper and exposing it) but you could tell she wasn't pleased about not being able to develop her negatives.  That's what you get for having crooked teeth I guess.
 
I made a photogram of my face that turned out pretty neat and then it was 3:30 and it was time to go. 

 
Later 
  
When I got home there was a message for me from a recruiter who wanted to interview me for a management training position at a car rental company.  It's always been my dream to manage a rental car company.  Yeah that's it. 
Anyway, this recruiter must have read my last blog entry. That's the only explanation.  He said he saw my résumé on Workopolis but he was probably too embarrassed to admit he recruits people by reading their blogs. 
 
So anyway he asks me a whole bunch of questions about my retail experience and how I deal with difficult people and about my leadership strategy (yeah, because I totally have a leadership strategy).  I told him I would be a good leader because I'm a good listener or some BS.
 
Hopefully I'll get a job at this place, make a few bucks, and then land my dream job doing something creative.  Like winning the 649.

Dad has a new job.

For those of you who don't know (as if anyone reads this blog) my Dad's been out of work for almost a year.  He got layed off from evil Royal Bank. Well today he got a job right here in Burlington, making pretty much what he used to make when he worked for Satan.  Eat your heart out Royal demons!
 
This seems like a dream come true, but of course Daddy actually has to work there for a bit before he can decide if this is a fab job, or a bad job.
 
While we're on the subject of jobs, is there anyone out there in internetland who wants to hire me?  I'm really very intelligent.  I'm good at art and writing (even got a University degree in those two things) and I'm good with people.  No, really.  I know everyone says they're good with people, but I am.  Even scary people who won't pay their late fines (I worked at Blockbuster Video for 2 years).  One time my manager even said that he's "never seen anything like it" refering to how I "remain pleasant and professional even with difficult customers".  I'm just very friendly. If you're interested in seeing my resumé (because all job recruiting is done by reading blogs) then e-mail me and I'll send it to you.
 
Okay I'm not serious, I know noone is reading this blog who has any hiring power. 
 
No actually I am serious, hire me!

Review: The Neanderthal Paralax

Adam and I just finished reading the Neanderthal Paralax, a trilogy by Robert J. Sawyer which includes Hominids, Humans, and Hybrids.  The story is about a portal accidentally opening between our world and a parallel universe inhabited by Neanderthals.  This sounds like an episode of Sliders, but Sawyer's in depth descriptions of real scientific theory lends realism to the novels (keeps them from being Hokey).  Sawyer has a good sense of humour in his writing, too.  Plus, the bulk of the trilogy is set in Sudbury, Ontario.  Très cool.
 
I do have a beef about Hybrids (the 3rd book) and it concerns the character of Mary Vaughan, a geneticist who experiences a brutal rape, and later falls in love with Ponter Boddit, a neanderthal physicist who loves Coca Cola.  For one of the world's foremost geneticists, Mary is a bit of a nimrod.  I constantly want to shake her as she takes pages and pages to figure out stuff that the reader (that's me) gets after one sentence.    Her idiocy can be explained away in the first book because she is distracted by having just been raped, by the third it is no longer an excuse.  She's supposed to be an überintelligent geneticist who gets published in all the prestigious journals.  Sawyer mentions all these papers she's published, and her prestige around the world,  then turns around and hints that the only reason she got a York University tenure position is because of affirmative action hiring practices.  What's up with that, Rob?
 
Nevertheless, I highly recommend the trilogy to anyone who likes science fiction.  Adam liked it too.   
 

The neat thing about the banner ads

The neat thing about the banner ads on this blog is that they actually seem to be paying attention to what I write. When I wrote about Glycolic Peel there was an ad for it. Now there's an ad for engagement rings because of my ring adventures.

Here is a test of this magic banner ad system: Star Trek. Subaru. Oldsmobile. Teeth Whitening. Penis Enlargement. Lose Weight Now! George Clooney. Wonder Woman. Keannu Reeves. Orlando Bloom. Curveside Prophet.