I'd rather dream about the circus

Last night I dreamt that my family and I were preparing for the funeral of my grandfather. In reality, both my grandfathers died quite some time ago, but I believe this was for my grandfather on my Dad's side, who died when I was five.  In the dream, my Dad asked my Nana "how are you holding up?" I don't recall her response.

Anyway we were in a house that had the same layout as my parents' house but the decor was different. In each room, there were family members getting ready.  My Omi was there, alive and with all her faculties intact, and I believe my sister was too.  The rest were women who I accepted as cousins in my dream, but I don't think I know them in real life.

I spent a lot of time trying to puzzle out the layout of the house, trying to figure out which room was my room, where I could find my clothes. When I couldn't, I rummaged through my diaper bag looking through Jadzia's extra outfits, until I found a top that would fit me. It was a white ruffle top with violets on it.  My cousins encouraged me to try it on in the washroom.

I got the top on and looked in the mirror. Only instead of ruffles, I was wearing some kind of armored chest plate, which fastened at the back. I knew that the pretty top was somehow under the armor and spent the rest of the dream fiddling with a buckle behind my back (which may or may not have been padlocked).

This is the second time this week I've dreamt about death.  A few days ago I had a dream that kept me up most of the night.  My Mom called and told me she was dying and was hoping I would come over and say goodbye.  At the same time my Dad burst into my bedroom all teary eyed and told me that I had better go be with my mother.  I was trying to wake up in my dream, succeeded in waking myself up for real, and had trouble getting back to sleep.

C is for crush. candy. corpse.

Yesterday, I blogged about the book launch of crush. candy. corpse. by Sylvia McNicoll, who has written 30 books and birthed three fabulous children (including yours truly).  Since today is C-day in the blogging challenge and Mom's book title is so laden with C-words, I will now delight my faithful readers with an unbiased review of the novel.

The book is narrated by Sonja Ehret (Sunny), a teenager who volunteers in the Alzheimer's ward at a senior's home and ends up on trial for manslaughter. Each chapter begins in the courtroom and then flashes back to Sunny's school volunteer journal as the events unfold.

While I always enjoy my Mom's writing, there are books that stand out from the others, times when Mom just nails it and tells a story that is so real, and says so much.  This is one of those books and this is one of those times.  My mother's greatest strength is in creating memorable characters, who you can see when you read them. Every nurse, senior, teen, even the most minor of personages has a face and a voice, particularly the Alzheimer's patients.

Those of you who know me, and have read this blog, know that my grandmother recently died of Alzheimer's. Over the last few years, Mom spent a great deal of time in Omi's care facility, feeding her yogurt and watching her slip away bit by bit. There is so much of my grandmother's journey in crush. candy. corpse.   The book is dedicated to Omi and the story is so personal that Mom named the main character after herself.  Ehret is my mother's maiden name and Sonja was a name my grandparents almost chose before settling on Sylvia. This is a story from the heart, one that needed to be told, and it's beautiful. 

Super Omi Turned 80 Today

And she has no idea.

My grandmother has had alzeimer's since before my kids were born.  When my husband and I were dating, she was already starting to forget and repeat things.  She used to flirt with the security guards in her building.  She cooked for me all the time.  She made liver and bacon, homemade schnitzel and spätzle, rouladen. She always made you eat too much, never taking no for an answer.  She told everyone I was her favourite granddaughter, and bragged that I "sang like an angel", even though I only ever sang along to the radio.  She cheated at rummikube. We would laugh together, talk about music, and men, and the world. She would give me a quarter if I got a question right on jeopardy before the contestants did.  I was her smart cookie.

Omi has always loved kids, so my Mom thought that she might respond if I brought my kids in to see their great grandmother. It wasn't a party, nor even a celebration, only an attempt at giving Super Omi one last happy moment.  We stopped at Tim Horton's on the way and bought timbits for us and a yogurt for Omi.  Mom entered the combination to unlock the door and we saw her sitting in the hall.  She was sleeping in what my Mom calls her lazy-boy wheelchair. Her body looked thin and slumped, her skin pale. Her grey hair was combed straight.  Her bare feet were wrapped in white pillow-type things.  Her toenails were yellow.  She opened her eyes briefly, but didn't really look at any of us.   We wheeled her into the small courtyard and sang her happy birthday. 

We ate timbits and played catch with a football we brought with us.  At one moment, a woman walked across the courtyard, ripped a vine out of the garden and dragged it inside, leaving a trail of dirt on the floor.  We chatted with William about life and death and what Super Omi used to be like, then we left her and went to the waterfront and enjoyed the splashpad.  In the end we had a pretty nice day.

Mom's Birthday Buffet

Today is my Mom's birthday so the whole family went to the Red Maple Buffet (which serves chinese food, go figure). Jadzia made a gigantic mess under her chair from "trying" the food a little too enthusiastically, while William enjoyed choosing pork perogies, fish, fruit, and large quantities of jello. I sat across from my good friend Eireann, who is pregnant with my future niece or nephew. She's 14 weeks along, so they are officially telling people (although most of us already knew, we just weren't permitted to broadcast it on the internet).

Favourite foods of the evening: salmon, chicken on a stick, pork perogie-like thing, fried shrimp, ice cream on a waffle.

Disappointing foods: onion rings, nut pie, sticky rice.

I didn't have any wrapping paper but Mom's present (a pedometer) was just small enough to be wrapped in one of Jadzia's diapers (much to my amusement). I always make my own card, and I like to have a subtle hint about the present. This time, I printed a picture of my Mom reading to William and Hunter, with a pic of Jadzia on the back of the card. I tried to get William to give me my hint.

Me: What should we put on this card?
William: A car.
Me: Where should I draw the car?
William: In front of William and Hunter and Omi.
Me (after drawing the car): Now what should we make Omi say? Something about walking?
William: Go on the road!
Omi's speech bubble: Go on the road.
Me: Now what should William say? Something about walking?
William: Right there! Right there! Right there!
Me: I'll write it right there, but what should it say?
William: Right there! Right there! Right there!
William's speech bubble: Right there! Right there! Right there!
Me: What should Hunter say?
William: Something about walking!
Hunter's speech bubble: Something about walking!
Me: What should Jadzia say?
William: Something about crying!

Okay, so the card made no sense, but the process was fun, and the present hint was subtle enough for my liking.

Everyone enjoyed the birthday dinner but, though we had many buffet desserts, we lacked a birthday cake. I did have a fortune cookie though: "Someone is looking up to you. Don't let them down."

Dreaming of Omi, and a Pilgrim in a Field

I had a dream last night that had my grandmother in it. In real life, Omi has Alzheimer's. When she moved into a nursing home, my husband and I took over her condo. In a few months, my brother will buy the condo and we're moving into a house.

In the dream, Omi was back to her old self. She didn't have Alzheimer's, at least not to the degree she has now. My Mom and Omi and I were shopping at Zellers, in the mall across the street from our place. We were looking at toys and Omi said "See? It's fun living across the street from Zellers." I told her that Zellers and I have a love-hate relationship and began ranting, as I often do in real life, about how they never seem to restock their shelves. As we continued out of the toys, into an overly large glassware section, we wondered if that was a trick to keep prices low, not having enough staff to restock shelves.

The cash registers were outdoors in a field of tall grass and the man in front of me was dressed like a pilgrim. I overheard his conversation with the cashier (also dressed in old fashioned clothes). Apparently, the pilgrim had been kicked out of his previous village for reading a controversial book. He was trying to explain to the cashier that he didn't agree with the book's ideas, he had simply read it, then later read a review to see what other people thought of it. He said something about what his neighbours had done to him, but all I remember is that he used the word crucified. Take that dream analyzers!

I told my husband about the dream when I woke up. He said "if Omi didn't have Alzheimer's then we wouldn't be living across the street from Zellers." As if that was the weirdest thing about the dream.

Anyway. It's time for me to get my family all together, because we're going to a birthday party for one of William's Early Years Centre friends. Happy Birthday Fynn!

Future Olympian

Adam can't always get off work on time to take us to water babies swimming lessons, so my parents help out. Here's my Mom (aka Omi) with William in the changeroom. I love the rolls of baby fat on his chest.

:
And here William is way too interested in looking at the pool to waste time on more photos


Here he's smiling because I just told him that he is the best swimmer in the whole class (in my unbiased opinion). Well, to tell you the truth, I really wasn't looking at the other babies, but William can kick and everything. He's advanced, I tell you.


Let's use this photo to compare mother and child. I think he's starting to look a little like me. Same-shaped eyes, similarly-shaped nose, both wearing a goofy expression.

Yes, all these people are with us. From left to right: William's Daddy, Auntie Eireann, Uncle Craig, Omi, cousin Hunter. My dad (Opa) was also there (he took the picture). William is a novelty right now and thus my family's favourite source of entertainment.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day Eva/Babcia, and Robin, and Becca, and all the Moms at the Early Years Centre, and Lynda and Cathy (who threw me the Salsa Shower) and all the other mothers in the universe. But most especially, Happy Mother's Day Mom (aka Omi). This year I have a whole new appreciation for everything you did (and are still doing) for us. I love you Mom!

Anyway, here's what William got me:

And today's playlist quiz:

1. Don't wish it away

2. Been so long now I've wanted to touch you

3. Greetings, Kermit the frog here.

4. The tables are empty.

5. Does she walk, does she talk, does she come complete?

Mom's cooking for us again

Today we are going to dinner at my parents house. So far we have eaten at my parents' house every day this week but one. I love my parents, and my Mom's cooking, and a break from cooking for myself, but soon I think I'll have to start contributing to the grocery bill. Anyway, just to prove we are not leeching, here are all the legitimate reasons why we chose to frequent Omi McNicoll's:

Monday: My nephew and my dad's birthday, so we had to come. Hunter picked Pizza as his meal of choice, and even though that is not technically my Mom's cooking, the family still footed the bill. Plus, Mom made a delicious strawberry cake.

Tuesday: I went to the zoo with my parents and Hunter. Now you can't really go out with my mom without her inviting you home for dinner and I would be crazy to say no to dinner made by Mom! We had manocotti.

Wednesday: I went to the farmer's market and bought corn. We had corn and porkchops for dinner. Not at the parents (Silly me).

Thursday: Adam had a Sound of Music meeting and, rather than sit around alone with William all night, I invited myself over to my parents house. Okay, this one could be considered leeching. We had ribs. Yum!

Friday: My uncle and aunt and cousins planned to come over today, but Mom randomly called me yesterday afternoon and said we were meeting them at Spencer Smith Park. We hung out at the park for a while. Baby William and Morty the Jackapoo collected "Oh how cute"s and the rest of us had ice cream. Of course Mom invited everyone back to dinner. We had spinach, baked macaroni and cheese, vegetarian chilli, and barbecued sausage.

Saturday: Today's the day my aunt and uncle actually planned to come, so my Mom's cooking a "Feast". Of course, every meal my mom makes is a feast. I'm sure it'll be delicious.

Thanks Mom!

Today's playlist quiz:
1. Give me a kiss to build a dream on,
2. Oh the power to be strong and the wisdom to be wise...
3. Isn't awfully nice to have a penis?
4. Another day is gone and I'm still all alone.
5. It's been a hard day's night and I've been working like a dog.

William's first trip to the zoo (and Hunter's too)

Being a zoo-going family, my Mom felt she had neglected her duties as Omi when my nephew turned six on Monday having never set foot in the Metro Toronto Zoo. So she made yesterday's trip to the zoo one of his birthday presents, and invited William and I to come along. I love the zoo, so I jumped at the opportunity to give my 3-month-old son the experience.

William's favourite animal:

For the first 15-20 minutes of our trip, I took William out of the stroller to show him the various animals (afterwards I gave up and let him sleep all day). He was more interested in staring into space than looking at Orangutans, but I got a smile out of him when viewing this snake. Of course he could have been smiling because I signed "snake" for him and he always finds it amusing when Mommy does goofy things. We'll go with he likes snakes.

This trip's most photogenic animal:

The hippos. It was feeding time when we got to the hippopotamus habitat so they were strutting around showing off just how majestically ugly they really are. I got like a billion shots. Last trip's most photogenic animal, the goat, barely made an appearance.

Hunter enjoyed the zoo thoroughly. His favourite animal was the zebra, but for some reason I didn't get a picture of it. So just for fun, here's another hippo shot:

And some gratuitous baby shots: