My Slash Parents

For those of you who are unfamiliar with slash fiction (Mom), they are explicit stories involving two male tv characters in a sexual relationship. It started with star trek (as much perversion does), the first slash fiction being about Kirk and Spock (Kirk/Spock, Kirk slash Spock, Slash Fiction, get it?). Supposedly this kind of fan fiction is written primarily for hetrosexual women, because we will both identify with the male characters and be attracted to them at the same time.

Anway I found this quiz (below) which lets you figure out which star trek slash couple are your parents. These guys are having sex right, so they can have babies. It's the 24th century after all (or the 23rd, depending on the series). I get different stuff if I type in just my first name, my maiden name, my middle name, so play around with it.

I think the big question is which one of them is Mom?

Who are your Star Trek Slash parents? by jenniferlupin
Name
Age
Your Parents
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Technorati Tags:Star Trek, Slash Fiction, quiz, parents, Mom,

The sunny stop

This morning I missed my subway stop. I totally zoned out and by the time I noticed that the white tiled wall I was staring at had BLOOR written across it in bold greenish letters, the door was half closed and a barely intelligible voice was broadcasting over the loudspeakers "Stand clear of the doors". I lept at the doors anyway as my logic circuits hadn't quite kicked in.

Once the train started moving again I looked around to see if anybody had noticed my idiotic behaviour. In true Toronto fashion, my fellow subwayers avoided eye contact. I got off at Rosedale.

I always forget, until I get there, that Rosedale is outside rather than underground. What a beautiful stop. It was such a treat to see the sun that I was almost disappointed when the southbound train only took 30 seconds to arrive (I said almost, keep in mind I'm the person who would rather walk for an hour than wait 5 minutes).

And that was my event for the day. Enjoy the sunshine.

Technorati Tags: sunshine,Bloor,Rosedale,subway,Toronto
Space Cadet

Our new toilet.

So yesterday some plumbers took over our building and replaced all the avacado, baby blue, and pink toilets with theses nice shiny white ones. The grass outside was a rainbow of porcelyn potties. Our sink and bathtub, still in avacado splendor, are more than a little jealous, let me tell you.

In other news I'm looking into becoming an enumerator. That sounds all cool and double-o-seven, but all it entails is dropping off forms for the census bureau, and maybe calling to hassle the people that don't fill them out. I went in for an hour long testing yesterday, shingles and all. The test asked mind-boggling logic puzzles like count the houses on the map and if Mrs. Jones was born in 1930 what age category does she fall in? It was multiple choice. I swear I am too smart for this world.

Technorati Tags: toilet,avacado,census,enumerator,logic

It's a Horrid Disease. I knew it!

So I have the weird bumpy rash on my hip. Such things are not unusual for me. My skin is not exactly macho. The most hypo-allergenic perfume-free Tide can make me scratch. So I didn't go to the doctor when I started to itch. I waited till I sprouted weird bumpies.

Since part of the rash was below my pant line, my doctor had to get the nurse to come and look at it too. This I assume is so when I sue him for sexual harrassment for asking me to pull down my pants, the nurse can say "duh, what's sexy about a rash?" All very well and good, but it means the whole office gets to peek at my underwear.

Anyway, he takes one look at my bumpies and prenounces them "shingles". Sort of like chicken pox for old people. Doc also says I shouldn't hang out with pregnant people, and since Today's Parent is Pregnancyland, I can't really go to my internship this week. Apparantly, should the evil shingles go untreated I could get pain and stuff later on. Then he wrote me a prescription: $127! The shingles are causing me pain, pain in the wallet.

The ultra-expensive medicine apparently doubles as a fetus killer, so I had to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant. The same nurse who checked out my pretty blue undies also got to examine my urine! Wasn't it just her lucky day?


Shingles info (some according to Doc, some according to the instructions pack of my meds, most according to my friend the internet):

• shingles is from the same virus as chicken pox. You can't "catch" shingles. It's my understanding that the virus was dormant in my nerves or some such, from when I had a very mild case of chicken pox in grade 2.
• Only 20% of people who have had chicken pox get shingles (lucky me).
• Most people who get shingles are over 65 (I'm only 39 years off).
• The virus gets into one group of nerves. (in my case my hip). So the bumpies won't appear on my other hip, on my face, or anywhere else that's not along that nerve.
• It's possible that I could actually give chicken pox to someone who hasn't had it.

shingles, chicken pox

African children are not stupid

This is odd because I've only dreamt that I was someone else once before.

So in my dream I was a man with a wife and two children, both probably in their early teens. I think we were rich because we lived in a big house. I had one of those jobs that you have to travel a lot. I was going to go to Africa and my family didn't want me to go. My son had a dream about a rat and he was terrified because it somehow foreshadowed my death. My daughter told me "People in Africa are stupid", and I explained to her that African children are very intelligent and if they had the money we have they would be almost the same as us.

On our kitchen table there were tiny fruit trees growing in bowls. My daughter took the last peach and I had to settle for an apple. There was also a tiny strawberry tree and a tiny blueberry tree. I was going to have some blueberries but when I looked closely at the tree I saw that there were tiny mushrooms growing on it. I guess my daughter felt bad, because she threw me the peach from across the table. A tall, chubby black man was there (maybe he was going to go to Africa with me, I don't know) and he said something like "your daughter is gullible". I replied "No, she's generous." I was proud of her.

The place is full of gorgeous children

Interning at a magazine called Today's Parent you'd think I'd be used to seeing the odd baby. But here on the 8th floor it's business as usual, with no sign whatever that March Break is in full swing. When I went down to the lunchroom though I saw various babes, most of the infant variety but also a few more seasoned preschoolers. In any group of children there's bound to be one ugly one, but not so today. They were all so beautiful, I was sure there was some kind of minor photoshoot going on (but not for TP? What's this?). My curiousity won out and I asked one stroller Mom what the big event was. She said that she had no idea. She was on mat leave and her and her fellow mat-leaver decided to come in and show off their new cuties. She reminded me that it was March Break, but, says I, there's no school children here. For babies, it should just be any other week. So I conclude that this was all some bizarre coincidence.

Directions to Mars

No longer are google's highly useful satellite photos limited to getting around on Earth. Yup, you can check out Mars aswell. They don't have maps or street names (yet) and the images are about as acurate as the ones for Mongolia, but I'm sure this is the first step to finally being able to get directions to your favourite Martian vacation spots. I can't tell you the number of times I was trying to get to Riu Mars, and ended up at the wrong side of the tracks in Uranus.

http://www.google.com/mars/

En Francais

I fact-checked a piece in French today. Haven't really spoken it since I graduated high school in '99 but when an editor here asked if I spoke French I said "Yes". The piece itself was in English, but the subject was a Quebec woman who spoke very little English. I found it fairly easy to comprehend what the woman was saying, but translating the facts into French and relaying them to her in passable grammar was a painful experience. I just don't have the vocab for it anymore. Luckily, this was a very nice woman. For this piece I gave up the fact-checking rules of controlling the call and not letting the source ramble on. I figured the process would be more efficient if she did most of the talking.

I don't feel confident enough to cross "brush up on my French" off the list of things to do before I die, but I think I'm better for the experience.

A word about fat free cheese

My husband, being a health conscious sort, recently purchased a package of fat free kraft single slices. I was leary of them as I put the translucent slices on my sandwich this morning. Perhaps, thought I, I have an unfair bias towards opaque cheese and these are perfectly fine. They do have the same plasticy texture and unnatural orange-yellow that I've come to know and love (yes, I am in that minority of people who LOVE the kraft singles). After eating my sandwich I can now give you this review of the offending cheese:

They melt at room temperature, or slightly below. Even if they're still cold, they melt. And we're not talking yummy cheesey melting. No. I think the way kraft pulled off this whole fat free thing is by replacing the milk with water (not the most appetizing thing to do with cheese). So basically my cheese was drooling. As far as taste, yes, they do taste reminiscent of regular single slices, but I was turned off by the texture and didn't enjoy it. Maybe they would work on cheeseburgers? Or not.

The highlight of my day.

The highlight of my day was when I picked up some guy's keys. He was walking in front of me on the sidewalk in Toronto and there were holes in the pockets of his coat and his keys fell out and landed right in front of me.

Why was this a highlight? Because he was so grateful. I was his saviour. WHen I handed him the keys he burst into a tarnished-gold tooth grin and exclaimed in an accent which could have come from any one of a dozen european countries: "Thank you SO much Girlie. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."

I told him you're welcome and it was no problem. (and it wasn't - can you imagine anyone who would have just kicked the keys aside and kept on going?)

He proceded to elaborate on how, had I not handed himn his keys, he wouldn't have been able to get into his house and, because of a bad back, he couldn't walk very far.

Glad I could help.

Mom and Baby Jen

So I was looking through some photos and I found this one. Yup, that's my mom. And that peacefully sleeping infant with the incredible jello neck is me.

Can you believe that I can't even fall asleep on the GoTrain? Sheesh, it looks like the stroller is severing my head.

Things I Want to Do Before I Die

I went to this website which is basically a collection of lists of things people want to do before they die.
Here's mine (in no particular order):

• Go to Germany.
• Got to Italy.
• See the rest of Canada.
• Generally travel the world.
• Learn Polish.
• Learn sign language.
• Become fluent in German.
• Brush up on my French ( I used to want to learn every language, but there are lots).
• Publish a novel (or several).
• Have children.
• Own a house.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle.
• Get my eyes lasered.
• Become the editor-in-chief (of something)
• Own all the Star Trek on DVD (getting there)

I'll probably add more as I read other people's for ideas. If you want what other people wrote, clickety click on one of the pointy brackets to scroll through the webring.

< !Before I'm Gone?>

Wait: My most recent masterpiece

So the other day Zydeco Fish posted one of his paintings. So I thought I'd copy him and post my most recent masterpiece.

I call it "Wait" Please don't bother about the title. Just enjoy the nice long red hair. Yeah, that's my favourite part too.

Anyway, just to further copy Zydeco Fish, I'll post my results from this quiz we both did. I'm going to die at 82. FYI, Zydeco's will die at 84, and since he's a bit older that me, I'll still be around. I was hoping I'd hit a hundred though. Oh well, more green veggies for me. I'll take the test again one day after I've eaten some spinach.

Yoplait's response

Here is Yoplait's response to my e-mail (see previous post). I actually think their e-mail is more hilarious than mine.

Dear Mrs Filipowicz,

We acknowledge receipt of your comments concerning the Yoplait Creamy commercial, and we would like to thank you for the interest you have shown in Yoplait’s products.

Actually I wasn't really interested in their products at all. In fact, I recall saying I was boycotting them. but moving on:

Please be assured that your comments have been sent to our marketing department for our constant revaluation of our publicity.

Ooooo! Maybe I'll get an e-mail from the marketing boys.

We enjoy receiving your comments and encourage your feedback on our products. Please understand that we cannot accept suggestions for new products, advertising, promotions, etc. from persons outside our organisation. This is necessary to prevent any misunderstandings as to the origin of ideas.

Just remember that is was my idea to take the ad of hell off the air. So when they finally do, I think Yoplait will owe me some money.

Once again, thank you for your comments and please be assured that Yoplait is continuously working to be the first to offer consumers innovative products of the highest quality.

Sincerely yours,
Marie-France Laurin
Consumer service
YOPLAIT



Actually, Marie, I really didn't take issue with your products at all. The yogurt is fine, I'm just boycotting it on principle.

Random stuff...

I sent this e-mail to Yoplait in response to that irritating commercial. If you haven't seen it, how nice for you. I forgot to say that I wish I was in the grocery store with the yoplait creamy guy, so I could throw a cantaloupe at him.

Dear Yoplait,
This is concerning your television commercial for yoplait creamy, which runs during coverage of the Olympic games. Congratulations. You have succeeded in creating the most annoying advertisement of all time. If I had never heard the words "Yum! Yum! Yum!" uttered in that fingers-on-the-blackboard, Satan-as-a-chipmunk voice, I would be a much happier person right now. I might even be eating a yoplait product. Unfortunately, the severe irritation from your ad has lead me to boycott all yoplait products until such time as they don't remind me of that hideous use of airtime.

Sincerely,
Jennifer Filipowicz

Today on the subway I saw a half-naked guy wearing a Santa Claus hat. He was yelling "Hey girls! Check this out!" If he was in the same car as me it would have been creepy, but he wasn't, so it was funny. Clearly the guy was nuts. I mean, a Santa hat in the middle of February?

Today's Parent has given me something to write. A 200ish-word article about lice. And they're going to pay me too. Sweet. Won't quite cover my GO train tickets for the three months I'm there for, but it's the thought that counts. (Actually it's the writing credit that counts).

Descant magazine (that highly literary quarterly that is actually more like a book than a mag) called me. They picked someone else to be their intern (someone better than me?) but they were so gosh darn impressed with my résumé and interviewee skills that they want me to work for them in some capacity. I'll call them, but these volunteer jobs are going to put me in the poor house I tell you.

I stopped by the Disney Store. There's another place I should email. What once housed a fabulous selection of Snow White and Mickey memorabilia, has become an outlet for over-priced baby clothing. Very disappointing.

No Chairs? Sit on the Toilet!

So I dreamt I went back to the call centre, to earn some extra cash I guess. Only there were no chairs left on the floor do I had to sit on the toilet. The room with the toilet also had a photocopier. I was going to go to the washroom but people kept coming in to use the photocopier. I wasn't embarrassed that they would see me pee, more worried they would find out I was going to the washroom instead of taking calls.

I also dreamt something about a sandwich, but I can't quite remember what.

______________________________________________________

Here's some analysis from the dream dictionary

"To see a toilet in your dream, symbolizes a release of emotions or getting rid of something in your life that is useless." Perhaps the useless thing is working in the call centre in the first place.

"To see or use a copier in your dream, represents your lack of originality and tendency to copy other's ideas/beliefs. You need to start thinking things through for yourself. Alternatively, it may indicate a desire to spread some idea and circulate the word out. " I'd like to think I'm pretty original...but maybe the photocopier and everyone using it does represent following the crowd or something.

"To see or dream that you are a salesperson, suggests that there is something you need to include in your life." I suppose a call centre agent is a salesperson, but does that mean I need to include something in my life, or am I just dreaming about my old work because I was working on my resume yesterday?

"To see or hear a telephone in your dream, signifies a message from your unconscious or some sort of telepathic communication. You may be forced to confront issues which you have tried to avoid. " Clearly someone is trying to communicate with me telepathically, probably a Texan with bad debt.

"To dream that you are looking for a job, suggests that you are unfulfilled and feeling frustrated in your current phase of your life.

To dream about your current job, represents your satisfaction and contentment in the way things are going in your life. It may also mean that there is something or some task that must be done at once." Not sure which of these applies. I wasn't exactly looking for a job in the dream I just went back to my old job. There were aspects of it: the photocopier, the telephone, that might have come from the office where I intern. Maybe am "satisfied and content" with my job but wish that they would pay me.

"To see a sandwich in your dream, suggests that a lot of pressure and stress is being put on you. It also reflects your ability to do two things at once. However, sometimes a sandwich is just a sandwich." I wish I could remember the sandwich bit, maybe it was so stressful I blocked it out.

Fact-checker Extraordinaire

This is my second day of Interning and I actually got to fact-check an article. This basically involves calling people and making sure they said what the author said they said. While this sounds like a painful operation for someone as shy as me, it ended up being pleasant enough and I was able to get through it without incident. I did get a little thrill when I found an error in an article, and it was for something I almost didn't check! The author made mention of helping kids with a project on "1850s Upper Canada". However, according to my best friend the internet, in 1840 Upper and Lower Canada combined to form the province of Canada and from that time until Confederation (1867), it was called "Canada West". I sure saved a lot of mail from angry Today's Parent readers on that one!

Interneriffic

So yesterday was my first day interning at Today's Parent. It was full of all the great first day stuff, getting lost in the building, forgetting where the washroom is, asking stupid questions, that sort of thing. Today's Parent is in the Roger's building, this big fancy glass building with a green roof, it is connected to another building by way of a bridge, for no other reason than added flair.

There are umpteen other magazines in the building. Today's Parent is on the same floor with a bunch of women's magazines, including Chateleine and Lou Lou. It's either the nature of the business or of the magazine itself, but there is not one guy to be seen in the entire office, which is actually kind of nice. The trouble with the offices is that they are all identical, and being a person with poor directional sense, who relies on landmarks to get around, I was a tad curfuffeled. I found out that not only are all the offices on the same floor identical, all the individual floors are identical as well. I got of on the wrong floor by mistake and couldn't tell until I asked someone where Today's Parent was and they gave me the stupid look.

All in all I'd say it was a pretty good day. There was a story meeting in the morning and though I didn't have anything to contribute, I found it interesting. Then Andrea, the editor that hired me, showed me how the magazine does its fact-checking. I gather this is what I'll be doing most of the time, which is good because it's a real magazine like job and I heard horror stories about interns being made to fetch coffee and other slave labour. Anywho, fact-checking is basically what it sounds like, you check to make sure the facts in an article are correct. This involves marking all the facts, including quotes, calling people and asking them "would you say that blah blah blah is true?" and, if they say no, calling the author and asking "so-and-so denies blah blah blah is true, would you mind checking your research just to make sure?" This will obviously require a little finesse on my part. (ie: not calling writers up and saying "You're wrong!") Unfortunately, the article she was going to get me to start on was corrupted for some reason so she's going to print it out at home and I'll do it Monday. Once I get into it I will actually be useful, which is nice.

Andrea had to leave early and told me that there was no point in me sticking around with nothin to do, so I left at around 2:30.

And that was my day.

The Best, and Arguably the Most Useless Application of Action Scripting Yet!

Just click on it...you know you want to:

Noseman

Closer to my Goal (of becoming a Flash Genius)

I have now produced a short Star Trek quiz.