Putting the kids to bed

Adam is working late tonight so I had to put both kids to bed.  This is normally not such a big deal.  I let William play with his toys or watch a movie or whatever while I put Jadzia down.  He's usually happy to get a few extra moments of playtime.

Today Jadzia, independent young woman that she is, did not take a nap.  So even though the kids regularly go to bed at 8:30, I decided to try and put her down at 7.  I told William my plan, but he didn't think that was such a good idea.

"Could you please put me to bed first?" He asked.

"Are you sure you want to go to bed so early?" I clarified.

"Yes."

So I put the markers away and left Jadzia to play by herself.  As William and I were engaging in our regular toothbrushing ritual, he asked if he could have a bath.  Since it was early, I agreed.  By this time Jadzia had followed us into the washroom.  I undressed both children and ran a luke warm bath that was still too "hot" for William and he refused to sit down for the first five minutes.

Once I got bored of watching them spash each other, I told them bath time was over and dried them off.  I told William that he could go play with his toys and I would put Jadzia down.  He protested.

"No, I want you to put me to bed first."

"I can read you stories first," I bargained.  "But then I have to leave right away and not lie down with you."

"And after you put Jadzia down you will come back and lie with me," he negotiated.

I agreed to his proposal since Jadzia seemed happy enough in her bedroom talking to her books.  Of course her tune had changed by the time I finished the first of William's stories.  I read the second story to the sound of Jadzia wailing and banging on her brother's bedroom door.

I promised William I'd be back as soon as Jadzia was in bed, then I turned the lights off and left.

Within 30 seconds, William was out of bed, stomping around the hallway.  When I told him to go back to his room, he began opening and closing Jadzia's door, whining, and generally being a pain.

"You promised you would stay in bed while I read to Jadzia," I reminded him.

"I'm hungry and thirsty," he whined.

Since this was one of those rare nights when he actually ate dinner, I didn't really believe him.  "You're not really hungry," I told him, my annoyed voice creeping in.

"I AM HUNGRY!"  He burst into hysterics.

"William, if you don't stay in your room while I read to Jadzia, then I will NOT lie down with you!"

Not wanting me to make good on my threat, William retreated to his bedroom, where he continued his melt down.  I apologized to Jadzia for all the commotion, then read her some books and sang to her.  Luckily, she was tired enough to not be too distracted by the tantrum going on across the hall.

When I got back to William's room I gave him a hug, then talked to him about how I couldn't be in two places at once.  He insisted that he still needed a snack. 

I got him some fish crackers and cheese and milk.  He sat at the table chatting with me, calm as could be.  I wish I could recover that quickly after a total emotional breakdown.  Of course he had to brush his teeth again, but after that he went to bed without a fight.

By 9:30, he was asleep.

Bed time wars, D-day

While I had pretty much given up ever getting a full night's sleep in my own bed, my husband Adam was all gung-ho to try the "Super Nanny" technique of gettting a toddler to sleep by himself. For those of you who haven't watched any of the many nanny-themed reality shows, this involves putting the child back in bed everytime he gets up, never giving into his demands that Mommy or Daddy lay with him(and William can be very demanding). It also involves a lot of crying and very little actual sleep.

William woke up around 2am, wanting one of his human teddy-bears. Adam went in first and began super-nannying. I tried to stay asleep, but there was much wailing from the other room. Then it was my turn. I'm no good at the drill-sargeant-ness required of a super nanny. I'm more of a coach: "I know you can do this William", "I'll be right in the next room", "You're a big boy now, you can sleep in the big boy bed", "I know it's hard but I believe in you."

After several hours of tag-teaming. Adam got bed up and started threatening to make William sleep on the floor if he didn't choose to stay in bed. I thought this was a ridiculous technique, and said so. On my turn, I noticed that William was now asking me to sit on the edge of his bed, when previously he had demanded that I lay down on his pillow. Progress!

By about 5:30, William was clearly exhausted and a lot less vocal. Although he did become a bit chatty, telling me all about his night-light and the colours it was turning. At this point, Adam suggested calling it a night and bringing William to bed with us, since he seemed very awake. NO! said I. I almost got him to sleep, but it took one more Adam turn for our son to crash, at 6 am.

And of course he still woke up normal-time at 8 am.

The Bedtime Wars

When we first put William to sleep in his big boy bed, I was pleasantly surprised. He went to sleep just as easily as in the crib, and in the morning he was much happier because he could get out of bed by himself (no need to scream for Mommy). This is easy, thought I, I'm the greatest Mommy ever.

One day William had a fever and, according to my theory, this is when things started to go wrong. I lay with him all day and, by the time he was better, he had gotten used to the good life.

So our bedtime routine is thus:

Bath (usually)

Stories

I lie with him until he falls asleep

For a while I was the only one who had problems with this. I would read him ten books before he even agreed to lie down. I lay with him until I thought he was completely dead asleep (or I really had to pee) then slink out from under his near comatose little body. Somehow, he would still wake up and scream and scream. I would then declare it Daddy's turn. My husband went in and came out 5 minutes later: "He's asleep."

Adam's theory (said with pouty face) is that William only wants to hang out with me, so that makes it harder for me to leave his room. My theory is that I'm more of a push-over, so William knows he can get what he wants from me. This makes it especially hard at nap time, when Adam isn't around to tag team.

To correct my pushover reputation, I have since limited his books at night to three. I let him pick each one out and I'll tell him "This is the first story, story number one" then "this is the second story, story number two," then "this is the third story, number three, the last story." Who knows if this is understandable to a child who calls every number (and some letters) "two, two, two." At least it makes me feel like I have some measure of control. Unfortunately, I still have to lie with him until he's dead asleep to have any success.

The obvious answer to this problem (at least for me) is to have Adam put William to bed every night.  He'll likely have to take over anyway when the new baby arrives.  Unfortunately Adam has started to have problems too, particularly when I am on my computer, and I can be seen from the hallway outside William's room.  But eventually, one of us gets our son to sleep.

When we're lucky, he sleeps until morning.

On every other night, he wakes up at midnight, one, or two am, wanting nothing except a parent to sleep with.  He just saunters into our bedroom, always to my side of the bed, and demands to be picked up and cuddled immediately. We try to get him to go to sleep, each of us taking turns lying with him and fighting to stay awake longer than he does so we have a chance of making it back to our nice comfy grown-up bed.  Of course, being exhausted, we're more likely to give in to William's demands.  Last night, my husband slept from one am until seven am in William's car bed.

As I write this, Adam is putting William to bed.  Though I love my son dearly, I hope I won't see him again for at least ten hours.