Knock-Knock Jokes with Jadzia

This one had to go on video.

And here's my favourite Elmo video. I guess I just love to see him tortured.

Zoology lesson

Jadzia brings me her toy cow and farmer.

Me:  "This is a farmer and this is a cow.  Do you know what a cow says?"

Jadzia: "ROAR!!"

The Rules, as imposed by Jadzia

1.  Never, ever, leave the room.  No, not even to pee.  You don't actually have to pay attention to me while in the room, but if you leave I will cry. (Note, this rule only applies to Mommy)

2.  Yes, it does go in my mouth. 

3.  Pens are for babies.

4.  The floor and my face are great things to colour on.

5.  I can type your novel!

6.  I can write your blog entry!

7.  I can use your mouse  (and you can't).

8.  I can call random numbers on your call-display.

9.  I only like the remote control that will actually mess up the tv program, video game, or DVD you are playing.  Don't insult my intelligence by giving me the satellite remote.

10.  Food goes on the floor.

11. "No" doesn't mean "no".  "No" means I'm having a really good time doing something I'm not supposed to do.

Today.

I took this picture today, because William asked me to. "Take a picture Mommy," he said. I had to run to the car to get my camera. Surprisingly, when I got back they were both still standing in the same place, posing.

In the picture, William is holding one of the cookies we just made together. He is without a shirt because, while we were making cookies, he poured an entire bottle of vanilla on himself. I handed him the vanilla when I was getting ingredients out, thinking it was a fairly safe ingredient for him to carry to the table (plastic bottle, cap won't come off if dropped). As I was reaching for the sugar, I heard William's little voice say "Mommy, I got vanilla on my shirt." Indeed, it was not only on his shirt, but all over the table, on the chair, and on the floor. The only place that was completely free of vanilla, was inside the vanilla bottle.

Did I mention that I was already exhausted by this point? My daughter is allegedly getting a new tooth, and got me to share in her misery by keeping me up all night. Jadzia was playing the scream-until-Mommy-holds-me game at 1, 1:30, 2, 2:30, 5, 5:30, and 6. I think it was teething because when I gave her Advil, she went longer before screaming again (just long enough for the meds to wear off), but she could just as easily have been messing with me.

My husband was kind enough to let me sleep in all the way to 9:30! Still, I was looking forward to a nap (for William, of course, not me). We didn't go out in the morning, partly because of my late start, partly because I was feeling lazy, so I guess it's not surprising that he refused to go to sleep. I fed him lunch, I read him stories, I tucked him in, I hugged and kissed him and his stuffies. He just kept getting up, screaming when I put him back in his room. Finally I gave up and said "Let's make cookies!"

A little while after the picture was taken, I decided that I needed to get out of the house. I remembered that there was an Early Years Centre drop-in on Monday evenings that I never go to (because it's on Monday evenings). It was just before 5, and Adam had messaged me to say he wouldn't be leaving work until 6. Far too long to be cooped up in the house any longer.

On the way I was stuck behind an extremely slow truck, carrying a mini-backho (or maybe a bulldozer). Then, as I got to the intersection just left of where I needed to be there was an accident by the side of the road. No decapitations or anything, just a fender bender, and a cop talking to the drivers. No rubber-necking needed, people. I couldn't weasel my way around them either, because there was a cop there. I tried going around the block using a side street, but it turned out to be one of those curvy roads that takes you right back where you started from. I tried taking a short-cut through the McDonald's parking lot but the lots didn't connect.

The lot was littered with signs that said "McDonald's customer parking only." Still, only meters from my destination, I decided I would park there. I pulled into a spot, turned off the engine, opened the door to let my son out, and found that both my children were asleep. Just as well, thought I, with the way the day was going I'm sure Ronald McDonald would tow my car if I parked there.

I looked at my watch to see if it was worth going anymore. My watch said that it was 1 am, on January 1st. "Liar!" I thought and threw it on the floor of the car.

I was going to go home, I was on my way, but instead at the last minute, I went around the block (when I say "block" I mean the block that is half of Burlington) and went to the Early Years after all. I woke the kids up, but they didn't mind (and if they did who cares). I had fun. And my husband made spaghetti when he got home. So it wasn't so bad a day.

Underwear: Day 2

This morning William woke up and wanted to wear his underwear immediately. I opted to skip our usual trip to the Early Years Centre in favour of pee patrol. I asked him often whether he needed to go pee, and about every forty minutes to an hour I staged a mandatory bathroom trip. Each time he would stand in front of the toilet and let loose a satifying stream of urine and he didn't have one pee-accident all morning.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same about number two. The good news is that his Transformers underwear contained the toddler excrement quite nicely. A relief, since he was sitting on our beige sofa at the time. The bad news is that I was stuck cleaning partially digested grapes out of my child's tightie whities.

I put William in a clean pair of underwear, rinsed out the stinky ones, threw them in the wash, declogged my sink, and washed my hands three times. William stayed dry for the rest of the morning.

Just after lunch, I took him to the washroom and put him in a pull-up in anticipation of nap time. Then I fed Jadzia and put her in a crib. In all, William was in his pull-up for about ten minutes. So of course he pooed in it.

I had just taken him to the potty but, being a boy, he's all gung ho about standing to pee and not so thrilled about sitting on the toilet to do his business. Whatever, I'm just glad the second one was in a pull-up. I'm told that children are toilet trained for pee long before the get poo, but I'm highly motivated to minimize future underwear messes.

I haven't decided yet what my plan is for the afternoon. Should we try undies at my parents' house this evening?

In any case, I'm calling this morning's toilet training another great success.

The Adventures of a Napping Toddler

William normally naps at 1 pm. Today:

Went to a playdate/baby shower. Stayed until 2:30 pm.

William fell asleep in the car.

Got home. Saw a note on the door from my Mom and remembered that I was supposed to pick up Morty the Jackapoo to look after while my parents are at the cottage.

Drove to my parents'. William stayed asleep.

Put Morty in the car. Jadzia shrieked happily. Morty whimpered. William stayed asleep.

Drove home again. Tried to convince Morty to go outside so I could put William to bed. He refused.

Carried William to his room while Morty was leaping on me. William stayed asleep.

Noticed that William's bed had no sheets or pillow. Remembered he had wet the bed the night before.

Lay him down anyway. He woke up briefly, stared at me, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

Got Jadzia from the car. (I know, I know, but she was only alone in the car for a minute). Put her in the exersaucer.

Morty licked her face immediately. She cried. William still did not wake up.

In other news: Today Jadzia got her first taste of chocolate cake, which she stole from one of William's girlfriends.

Also: On the way to the playdate, I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash.

William's computer ability

William has been watching me play on the computer since before he could crawl, and more recently he's been playing games by himself. His favourite are the ones on the Sesame Street website, what he calls "The Monster Game". He used to limit himself to games requiring only a keyboard, of which there are very few. Any time a mouse was required he would say "Mommy do it" or, if I was out of the room, scream "MOMMY HELP!"

A couple of days ago, he was busily working through a playlist of games and videos while I was feeding Jadzia in the other room. I listened attentively for the call I was sure I would hear once he reached the mouse game. Instead, I heard Big Bird's cheerful voice praising him for getting the right answer.

I now suspect he's known how to use a mouse for ages, and was pretending just so I would spend time with him. Now that his cover is blown, I can point to anything on the screen and he will click on it.

Today, I left him alone for a minute playing Sesame Street games and, when I came back, he was surfing videos on youtube! (Luckily he only found ones that were family friendly)

Annoying things my toddler did today

Refused to come to the washroom so I could change his diaper.
Refused to let me take off his diaper.
Refused to let me wipe his bum.
Squirted toothpaste into the sink
Pounded on my keyboard.
Had a tantrum because his Elmo game wouldn't work.
Jumped on his bed instead of picking out clothes.
Said "no thanks" to every pair of pants that I offered him.
Refused to stop jumping on the bed.
Refused to let me dress him.
Pulled out several pairs of clean pants and shirts, crumpled them into a ball, and threw them down the stairs.
Threw more clean clothes down the stairs after I told him to stop.
Refused to clean up the clothes.
Refused to sit in circle at the Early Years Centre.
Climbed into the front seat of the car and started playing with random buttons instead of getting into his carseat.
Forced me to drag him out of the front seat of the car because he wouldn't listen to me when I told him to get back in his seat.
Took off his shoe in the car.
Took off his other shoe after I told him not to.
Threw his milk cup on the floor.

And all that's before noon. Phew. Glad I got that off my chest. I feel I should add:

Cute things my son always does.

Says "Mommy hugs" and gives me a hug.
Says "Mommy kiss" and makes fishy lips and gives me a kiss.
Holds my hand when we're walking together.
Holds my head to steady himself when he's putting on his diaper, pants, or shoes.
Says "thank you" when I give him something without me even asking him to.
Says "here you go Zia" and gives his sister a toy.
Says "don't worry Zia" when his sister is crying.
Sings along to all the songs in circle time at the Early Years Centre.
Dances to all the songs in circle time.
Reads books on his own.
Says "sorry Mommy."
Says "don't worry Mommy."

William's cheapest haircut yet.

Before

After

Adam cut William's hair! We've had a haircutting clipper since our wedding but neither of us have been willing to try it out on our own hair. Of course our son is fair game. William is always willing to experiment. In fact, just yesterday he emptied an entire bottle of food colouring into his mouth. He looked like a smurf vampire but, so far, no blue pee.

Anyway I think my husband missed his calling as a barber because this haircut looks pretty spiffy. That's right, I used the word spiffy.

Pukefest

Normally my daughter is the champion of puking, but today William challenged her title. He seemed fine in the morning, had lunch, went down for his nap at the normal time, woke up at the normal time. Then, as we were driving towards the Early Years Centre for a much needed outting, he vomited all over his carseat.

"I guess we're not going to the Early Years," said I, and whirled the car around.

For the rest of the afternoon, my son was an up-chuck machine. It was obvious when a bout of throw-up was coming, because he would stop what he was doing, scream "No! No! No!", cry, run around in a circle, and generally freak out in a toddler sort of way. Then cough, gag, puke.

After a few times, I became practiced enough to catch the puke in a bowl, a task requiring a tiny bit of muscle since my freaking toddler kept trying to push the bowl away. In any case the ordeal exhausted him, and he went to bed early, having eaten only a slice of bread since the pukefest began.

I couldn't figure out how to take the cover off the carseat to wash it, even after trying diligently for a full ten seconds. Luckily, Adam had done it before and was more than happy to handle vomit-coated straps. The cover says "Handwash only" on it, so I set the washing machine to "Handwash." Getting the thing back on is going to be interesting.

Hopefully my little man feels better tomorrow.

The Creative Mind of a Two-Year-Old

On the right we have a sculpture my son created all by himself, which he has entitled "A Robot, Wall-e." This is an obvious reference to Wall-e from the recent Pixar movie of the same name, so I've included the pic on the left for comparaison (assuming blogger actually formats this properly). The yellow legos sticking out of the side of William's version are his hands. I know this because when I asked "Where are his hands?", my son answered "Oh hands". And went searching for those yellow blocks to add to his masterpiece. Only two, and already he's graciously accepting artistic criticism.

In other news, my nephew Hunter left two of his action figures here and William has been playing with them. "I play guys," William says. Bane and the Terminator have never been so friendly:

Terminator (lying on his back): Oh, I fall down.

Bane: I will help. (helps Terminator to his feet) Big hug. Uh, Big Kiss.

(They hug and kiss)

Both (lying down, they start to sing): Sleep, bunnies...

Both (leap to their feet and start jumping up and down, still singing): Wake up, bunnies! Hop, hop, hop. Stop!

Bane (falls over): Oh, I fell down, Mommy, I fell down.

If DC Comics ever decides to do a crossover with the Terminator series, I'll send them the script.

The Zoo (from a two-year-old's point of view)

Please excuse my lack of super-happiness for this blog entry. I'm more than a little bit tired after submitting myself to the exhausting ordeal of chasing a two-year-old around the zoo for four hours (while Adam pushed the baby stroller).

Even though I told William we were there to see animals, and he kept repeating "I see amals", he seemed more interested in running ahead, collecting rocks, and climbing on things. (We spent ten minutes climbing up and down the stairs next to the orangutang cage without actually looking at any orangutangs).

I took this picture to illustrate how a typical zoo exhibit looks from William's point of view. Our conversation at this point went something like this:

"William do you see the lions?"

"Ball," he says, pointing.

"Yes, there is a ball. But look behind the ball. There are two lions."

"Oh a ball!"

"Yes, the ball is there for the lions to play with."

"A beeg ball."

"Do you know what sound a lion makes?"

"Roar," William replies, sounding bored.

In fact it was almost impossible to get him to notice any animal, but there was one zoo attraction that William found fascinating:

William counts to eight

So yesterday I was watching William play with my slippers. He was shuffling along chanting "One, two, one, two, two, two, one..." Normally, two is as far as he can normally count, though occasionally he throws in three.

Suddenly, and very quickly, William recited "one, two, three-four-five-six...eight." Sure he skipped seven, but I was still shocked and amazed.

I turned to my husband, who was sitting at the computer next to us. "Did you hear that?" Unfortunately he hadn't been paying attention and neither of us could get William to repeat what he had just said.

I think that all the knowledge of the universe must be locked up in that toddler brain, just waiting to spew out at random moments.

William's Words Revisited

A little while ago I did a post on William's words. Since then, his vocabulary as exploded and he now talks in near-complete sentences (with a cute little-kid accent). Most of the words in that last post, he's abandonned his version for something more ressembling English, and I know that soon even his little-kid accent will be gone.

Mommy car, Daddy car, Baby car
Since Jadzia arrived William has been refering to all small things as "baby" and most big things as "Mommy" or "Daddy". (Although he also knows the word for big, "beeg"). After I asked him many times "What about the William car?", he now occasionally says "Wee-um car."

Wake-up Mommy
Instead of just "up", William now says "Wake-up". He doesn't quite get the concept, however, that to wake someone up, that person must be asleep and not just sitting there. With the way his vocabulary is rapidly expanding, I'm sure he'll soon learn the more appropriate phrase "Get up."

I will get you!
Normally when we are about to go somewhere, William will politely bring me his coat and shoes, then run away, delightfully squealing "I will get you!"

Mommy HUGS, Daddy HUGS, Baby hugs, Wee-um HUGS
William's always been great at hugs and kisses. Now he demands them. I find this extra cute, even though he uses them to delay bedtime, and also to make diaper change and potty time just a little more messy.

Where'd it go? Daddy
William often says his words out of order. "Where'd it go? Daddy" instead of "Where did Daddy go?" for example. Sometimes he chats with me while my husband is at work: "Where'd it go? Daddy. No. Daddy work. Okay. Mommy work. No. Baby work. No. Oh! Daddy Work!" Sometimes I add my two cents here or there, but he doesn't always need me to respond.

Red, Yayo, Boo, Geen, Back, Wet, Peenk, Pupple
Yes, William knows most of his colours now. I've asked him a couple times which his favourite was. The first time he said "Peenk" and later he said "Uh, Boo." That's ok, he doesn't have to make up his mind just yet.

Back n Back
My son is a big AC/DC fan and "Back in Black" is his favourite song. Whenever we go to my parent's house. He asks someone (usually my Dad or my brother) to put on "Back n Back", pick him up, and dance with him, over, and over again.

The vocab game
This game of William's invention, involves him excitedly yelling out the name of something in the room, and I yell it back. Sometimes the words are clear, other times it becomes a guessing game for me: "Bocks!" "Blocks!" "Baby!" "Baby!" "Mommy!" "Mommy!" "Wee-um!" "William!" "Pitters!" "Pictures!" "Bo Pins!" "Bowling Pins!"

Oh, Okay
William occasionally says "yes", but more often he says "oh, okay". This is especially amusing when he's super-tantruming for something, a cookie for example. He'll be screaming "I need Cake-ee, I need cake-ee" and the tears and snot are streaming down as if it's the end of the world. Until some says "Do you want a cookie?" or even "I know! I know! You want a cookie, I get it." Then he'll say "oh, ok" as if he's reluctantly agreeing.

Fish Puppets at the Discovery Centre

I submit for the consideration of the Academy Awards, this puppet show (the unedited director's cut) performed by 2-year-old William and his Mom, yours truly. Shot on location at the National Parks Discovery Centre in Hamilton.

William turns 2

I'm just recovering from a wild party, but before I go to bed I must mark this joyous occasion with a blog entry. We had the whole family for dinner (more people than chairs). I made baked mac & cheese and cake for everyone (15 including toddlers). Dinner could have been cheesier, but the cake made up for it because of its over-abundance of icing. Truth be told, the cake fell apart coming out of the pan and I had to use about a hundred pounds of frosting to glue it back together. Of course, even though there were mostly adults at my son's 2nd birthday bash, we somehow ended up with only pictures of the kids.



Gone are the days when cake-eating pictures are at all interesting. Not only does William NOT have icing all over his face, like a kid's birthday shot should, but he's actually more interested in eating the blueberries and strawberries. What a health nut!


Here's the birthday boy with his future fiancée Zoe. Obviously this was taken near the end of the night. Toddlers tend to take the phrase "party until you drop" quite literally.


Of course Jadzia wore her party dress just for the occasion.

At first it was a bit of a shock that my baby had suddenly become a two-year-old, but I actually made peace with that weeks ago. Now people ask me how I feel about it and I just shrug and look like such a laid back mother. I must say I'm delighted that my son can talk, and has his own interests and opinions (mostly centering around cars and food). Now I just have to get him to teach his sister.

Playing with blocks

To an outsider it might seem like my children and I don't do much during the day, but we're actually quite productive. Today I actually got photos to prove it.

This car was my first attempt at creating a vehicle using blocks that were clearly meant for making columns and arches. William found it immediately recognizable, and thus demanded I make the following:

Here we have a truck or, as William would say, "Mack", as in Mack the Mack Truck from the movie Cars. Yes, my son is just that obsessed with that movie. Although sometimes he does say "Mack Tuck", or "Tuck" , or occasionally "Mommy Tuck." (He also has a "Daddy Car" and a "Baby Car"). I realized as I was taking this photo that the truck would look better with one extra block on the cab for the driver to sit in. Unfortunately my demolition guy yelled "I knock!" and destroyed the truck before I had a chance to fix it.

"De Choo choo tain. I will knock!"

I noticed as we were stacking blocks randomly, that it looked like we were trying to spell something. So I made this attempt at building my name. The one I made for William actually looked better I thought, but I wasn't able to complete it. I made W I L L I A and was looking for the right pieces to create the M, when William excitedly squealed "I will knock!" and that was the end of that.

Unfortunately this kind of productivity doesn't result in the house getting clean or the laundry being put away. Still, I think this stuff is more important (and more fun) than housework.

Hyde and Jekyl

Naughty things my son did today (not including random tantrums):

-pulled the sugar bowl off the kitchen counter and proceeded to eat large quantities of sugar off the floor.
-used a pen to colour on a recently printed photo.
-climbed onto Daddy's desk chair and played with his very expensive camera and flash.
-purposely spit water all over himself.
-tried to swing on Jadzia's baby swing even though the chair has been removed to prevent just that.
-somehow got hold of my dried dill and sprinkled almost the entire jar on the floor.

Good things my son did today:

-put his blocks away in their bin without even being asked
-finished all his kraft dinner and did not throw the bowl on the floor.
-went down for a nap without too much fuss.
-helped me empty the dishwasher

Bed time wars, D-day

While I had pretty much given up ever getting a full night's sleep in my own bed, my husband Adam was all gung-ho to try the "Super Nanny" technique of gettting a toddler to sleep by himself. For those of you who haven't watched any of the many nanny-themed reality shows, this involves putting the child back in bed everytime he gets up, never giving into his demands that Mommy or Daddy lay with him(and William can be very demanding). It also involves a lot of crying and very little actual sleep.

William woke up around 2am, wanting one of his human teddy-bears. Adam went in first and began super-nannying. I tried to stay asleep, but there was much wailing from the other room. Then it was my turn. I'm no good at the drill-sargeant-ness required of a super nanny. I'm more of a coach: "I know you can do this William", "I'll be right in the next room", "You're a big boy now, you can sleep in the big boy bed", "I know it's hard but I believe in you."

After several hours of tag-teaming. Adam got bed up and started threatening to make William sleep on the floor if he didn't choose to stay in bed. I thought this was a ridiculous technique, and said so. On my turn, I noticed that William was now asking me to sit on the edge of his bed, when previously he had demanded that I lay down on his pillow. Progress!

By about 5:30, William was clearly exhausted and a lot less vocal. Although he did become a bit chatty, telling me all about his night-light and the colours it was turning. At this point, Adam suggested calling it a night and bringing William to bed with us, since he seemed very awake. NO! said I. I almost got him to sleep, but it took one more Adam turn for our son to crash, at 6 am.

And of course he still woke up normal-time at 8 am.

Adventures at the Doctor's

This morning I had an appointment at 11 to see my baby doctor. Normally on Fridays there's an Early Years drop-in at the church right near my doctor's office. My plan was to go there, hang out a few hours, then head to my appointment.

So William and Adam and I got into the car. My husband actually enjoys driving in the snow, so the snow storm was no big deal for us. Of course the Early Years drop-in was cancelled due to inclement weather. No worries, most of my doctor's patients had also cancelled and I was able to get my appointment in at 9:30 instead of 11. So far, so good.

As we were leaving, Adam went out ahead so he could pull up the car and we wouldn't have to walk in the blowing snow. William didn't understand why Daddy was going ahead, so he stood by the door, and kept pressing the wheelchair button and trying to make a break for it. Somehow, in doing this, he got his middle finger stuck in the door. The heavy metal door had closed completely on his tiny finger before I was able to release it.

If you're going to get hurt, the doctor's office is the place to do it. I immediately went to the pharmacist and explained the situation. They gave me an ice pack (which William refused to even touch) and advised me to get the finger checked out at the walk-in. The walk-in sent me upstairs to see our family doctor. The family doctor made us wait, with a screaming toddler, in the exam room for about a half-hour.

The doctor told us a bunch of obvious things like "put ice on it" and "give him tylenol" then gave us some tylenol and sent us back downstairs to get an x-ray.

William wasn't really interested in waiting in yet another waiting room (especially since this one had no toys). Luckily, the tylenol started to kick in and his finger, which now looked like a small sausage, didn't appear to be bothering him as much.

Adam took William into the x-ray room, where they were apparently all decked out in led coats and bibs. I wasn't there because all pregnant bellies are banished from the x-ray room. William got a teddy bear sticker and a disk with his x-ray pics on it to show the doctor. Back upstairs we went, where the doc confirmed that William's finger was not broken. Hurray!

We left the doctor's office (finally) and made it home for just after noon, about the time we would have made it home if we'd kept my original appointment.