P is for Pee and Poo

That's right, I went there.  As most of you who are reading this know, pee and poo belongs in the toilet, where it can be easily flushed away and is unlikely to cause a painful rash or messy cleanup.  You'd think that someone who has spent their entire lives soiling themselves would welcome the new and improved method.  And you'd be wrong.  People are very resistant to change. They enjoy the comfort of being wrapped in cushy plastic.  They enjoy having the excrement lovingly wiped from their nether regions.  They even enjoy seeing their mother's frustration.

By "they" I'm referring to my daughter, Jadzia.  Yes, she is SO OLD.  I've told her.  Kindergarten is coming.  Deadline: September. She's still in a pull-up full time.

We've gone through several toilet training attempts.  I've bribed her with various forms of candy, with nail polish, with praise.  Our most successful attempt occurred a few months ago, when I let her go half naked all the time.  While our basement began to smell like urine, most of her pees and poos ended up in the potty.  She even climbed onto the big toilet by herself.

She then graduated to underwear.  I don't care how many diapers you've changed, there's nothing more disgusting than poopy panties.  You can't tear them at the sides like diapers so they must be slowly peeled from the body, smearing excrement on their legs and your hands.  If you ask my daughter, she'd tell you that poo belongs in the potty, but in practice she doesn't follow her own rules.

I have since given up all attempts at toilet training.  It causes too much frustration, and Jadzia enjoys the power struggle too much.  She'll go on the toilet occasionally, particularly when we're out.  Mostly number one.  If she has to poo, she hides in her bedroom.

My daughter is smart, which is part of the problem.  She's too smart to be tricked out of diapers.

Who has a penis?

Conversation with my son as he peed in the toilet:

"That's my penis."
"It sure is."
"Daddy have a penis?"
"That's right, Daddy has a penis."
"Mommy have a penis?"
"No, I don't have a penis. I'm a girl. Girl's don't have penises."
"Zia not have a penis."
"That's right. Jadzia doesn't have a penis."
"Frogs have a penis?"
"If it's a boy frog, I guess so."
"Spiders have a penis?"
"That I'm not so sure about. Bugs are very different than us. I'll have to look it up for you."
"I will have a candy?"
"Wash your hands first."

In case anyone's interested, the answer is no, spiders do not have penises. When they urinate, it's a solid (because their bodies can't afford to lose too much water) and it comes out the same hole as their poop. When they mate, their man juice comes out of a modified mouthpart (so I guess they only have oral). Male frogs do have a penis-like organ, but it's inside the body. I'm not sure if they pee out of it though.