Voting For Candidates Based on Looks 2011

*Disclaimer: this is meant as a bit of fun.  You should probably not actually base your vote on how the party leader looks.

So I watched the leadership debate last night after an exhausting trip to Great Wolf Lodge.  The candidates gathered in a circular set, awkwardly coloured in oranges, greys and blacks, and bickered relentlessly offering little of substance.  Many a media organization is racing to offer you, the voter, an in depth analysis of the exchange, but only here will you get a guide to voting for the candidates based on their looks.

Gilles Duceppe.  I may not agree with all his separatist ideals, and I can't vote for him anyway, but I have to admire this guy's sense of style.  His tie print featured either butterflies or flowers, wonderfully complimenting his pinstripe suit.  Compared to the other fellas drab ensembles, Gilles came across positively flamboyant. Perhaps this is a Quebecois thing?  Of course, as always his pointed ears and piercing eyes make him look like a vampire (not Edward Cullen or Bella Lugosi, more like Nosferatu).

Stephen Harper.  In the first voting based on looks post, I compared Steve to an aging ken doll.  I suspect he is actually an android.  His hair never moves and skin is unblemished and shiny, particularly his lips.  Also his hand gestures remind me of the animatronics at Disneyland.  The debate began with a one-on-one exchange between Nosferatu and the robot.  Pointless, yes.  Hilarious, mildly.

Jack Layton.  What a trooper this guy is!  He has cancer, has lost a bunch of weight and is walking with a cane.  Not only does he not let it get him down, but he actually made a joke about it, saying how he would have to lend Harper his crutch to stay in power.  Zinga!  Did anyone else notice that Jack's skin is the exact same orange as the set backdrop?

Micheal Ignatieff.  I think he's gotten greyer since he took over the liberal party.  Maybe this was on purpose, because for some reason it makes him look friendlier.  He's trying really hard not to seem like a slimey car salesman and I give him props for that. He's also the only leader who wore a tie that matched his party's colours and the one with the bushiest eyebrows.  When Jack and Mike go at it I keep wanting to yell at them to kiss and make up.  If they joined forces they could do some serious robot butt-kicking!

Elizabeth May.  She wasn't there, and she's hopping mad!

If, for some reason, you need more than just looks to decide on who to vote for, the CBC has this nifty little tool.  You put in your stance on certain issues, and it tells you which party's views are most similar to yours.  It didn't really tell me much that I didn't already know but it makes the decision process into a fun quiz game!  Incidentally, I think I'm probably going to vote Liberal.

Voting Based on Looks 2008

I just finished watching the English leadership debate (and, of course, like the keener I am, watched the French one yesterday). It seems like just three seconds ago that the last federal election was being held, but here we are again. This year the networks have chosen to give us a cosy, round table discussion format. Most likely because this year we've added Green Party leader Elizabeth May, and they only have four podiums in the store room. I think my commentary will be of special importance to voters, because while many news media outlets will no doubt comment at length on what these guys (and gal) have said, only I will focus on the important issue: who looks the most prime-ministerial-like.

So, in alphabetical order (for fairness):

Stéphane Dion, Liberal Party (first from the left in the pic above): Stéphane Dion looks like the kid who would get beat up a lot in school, maybe not that tough but very smart. This is because he's quite slender and wears glasses. As a former glasses-wearer I'm always mentally trying-on other people's glasses. I think Stéphane's would look good on me, but I don't they're doing anything for his tough guy image. I also noted how flawless his complexion is; either the make-up and lighting guys are brilliant (and Liberal) or Stéphane has the complexion of a twenty-year-old. So I looked it up: he just turned 53 on Sept 28th. Happy Belated Birthday SD!

Gilles Duceppe, Bloc Quebecois (fifth from the left, but who cares you can't vote for him): I've said it before and I'll say it again: vampire. With Halloween coming up, he might just be the candidate that people are drawn to. Again he wore his pinstripe suit but he looked much more Dracula than mafioso. This is probably because, with the round-table format, he leaned forward a lot like Nosferatu coming in for the kill.

Stephen Harper, Conservative Party (fourth from the left): I couldn't help but stare at the current PM's lips the whole time. Was he wearing lip gloss? Or perhaps he is made of plastic after all and he's starting to melt. He definitely has a joker-grin going on. During the French debate, Steve won hands down for best tie (shiny blue and stripey), but during the English debate the tie situation was more equal across the board. Oh, and he wore a tiny Canadian flag pin, which is good, because it's important for the prime minister to be patriotic.

Jack Layton, NDP (third from left): He still looks like a kindly uncle, even when he's yelling across the table at Steve. People with no hair and mustaches always look extra-friendly. He does agree with the PM on one point at least: fashion. His tie tonight is very similar to Steve's French debate tie.

Elizabeth May, Green Party (second from left): At the French debate, Liz dressed like a school librarian, complete with cardigan and ridiculously over-sized costume jewelry. For the English debate she wore a power suit so you could see she means business. She still looks like a school librarian from the neck up though, with glasses that aren't nearly as fashionable as Stéphane's and uncombed fly-away hair.

So based on both leaders debates, I have decided to vote for....drumroll...undecided. I will admit leftish leanings, so that means no shiny joker lips. Other than that, everyone wore very nice suits, so I'm just not sure.