A to Z Challenge

I've just decided that in the month of April I'm going to participate in the A to Z challenge, where I create a blog post for every letter of the alphabet during the month of April. That's every day except Sundays (and since April 1st is a Sunday, I have to blog that day too).  Unlike my highly organized friend Siobhan Minty, I have not planned out what I am going to say, so the topics will be totally random.

April 1st is also the launch of Crush. Candy. Corpse., the latest book written by my highly-talented mother, Sylvia McNicoll.  If you live in or near Burlington, come down to A Different Drummer Books between 2 and 4 pm, and purchase a signed copy.  Here's the official invite:

Fun stuff

I told Adam's iPad the plot of a Star Trek episode to test out the dictation software. This was the result:

What time there was a man named Capt. Jean-Luc Picard became the board the enterprise for the very first time to meet his crew and then cute came dressed as an army guy and then he was dressed as a judge and he said that humans are a savage race and you wanted Chad put up a force field so they couldn't get any farther in the universe and up Mccard Said No Way, José that is not fair at all. Thank you told them that their mission at FarPoint would be a perfect test of whether or not they were astonished right so they went to Farpoint Station and then that Ryker there and Card showed in class of the previous episodes we would be up to speed and then they went down to the planet and Cassie trying started feeling so sad because you fell sadness for Madroad all and then there was a spaceship they came and started shooting at her. Thank you told in the bay should be Montborne the station and check it out and selling again and when they got there they found that counts actually got really really mad and she was super super angry like the whole time she was there and then they realize that they shed and dad station on the planet we're both aliens once they realized that they shot the aliens alien on the planet full of energy so that it would be not sick anymore and they flew in love into the sky and turned into two really weird looking jellyfish and they found joy and gratitude according to count to Troy and Q said that was a good you passed the test see you later and that the and of encounter at five.

Also, today I went to the Zoo.  I plan on posting two videos for your enjoyment but youtube is taking its time uploading them and I'm beginning to lose interest. I'll post them here later.  Maybe. I'm tired.


Here are the videos!

My friends and I are in the paper!

When I began attending Improv Bootcamp on Monday nights at the Staircase Theatre, I had no idea that it would bring me fame and notoriety so quickly. My first show is a distant fleck on a possible horizon.   And yet my name, along with friends Columbia and Rebecca, is mentioned in the Spectator this morning:

http://www.thespec.com/news/local/article/690503--the-mothers-and-fathers-of-improv-invention

The article, by Jeff Mahoney, is all about "the Mothers of Improv". Jeff talked to the three of us for all of five seconds, during which Becca came up with an awesome quote. Despite the short time he talked to us, you can tell he gets it, the draw of improv, the fun of it, the magic of the Staircase Theatre. For those of you who get the Spectator (or will get it knowing I'm in there), the article is on A4.  My picture is in the print version, but not the online version.

I don't know if the idea of improv "appeared in a balloon over our heads", as Jeff puts it.  It would be more accurate to say that I wanted to try it, and I dragged my friends along. I like Jeff's version better. In any case, all three of us fell in love with it.

One of my favourite characters to play is very much like my daughter, cute to the point of being obnoxious. I've thrown tantrums to rival my son's.  It's all very therapeutic. I always thought that I'd be a good mother, because I'm silly and fun-loving, but it's hard to be that way while in mom mode.  I can't let loose when I have to be the one to say "don't hit, don't throw, don't jump," and sometimes, believe it or not, "don't laugh." At improv I can be myself and, at the same time, I never have to be myself.

My favourite line (other than Becca's quote):
"Hugh MacLeod, originator of The Staircase, can’t quite explain the influx [of improv Moms], especially in recent months, but it makes for a lively dynamic, especially as the other demographic bulge in local improv is young men." No Hugh, I can't imagine why a group of stay-at-home Moms would want to spend the evening playing pretend with young men, especially when so many of them are so adorable.

In other news I gave birth to Hugh MacLeod, originator of The Staircase, on Monday night during an improv scene.  It was his idea.

Sometimes Persistence is Just Silly

An unseasonably warm March is upon us.  A time of year that usually gives us our last great snow storm of the season has instead come with summerlike sunshine and confused birds. Yes, I'm talking about the robin who stars in the above video. We have lived in this house for three years and the robins take up residence every spring.  The first year they nested in that cedar tree in front of the window, the year after that they made a home above our exterior light, last year in the small pine tree beside our driveway. This year apparently they've decided to build their home in our living room.  Unfortunately there's a pesky window in the way.  This is more than a run of the mill "oops I thought that was thin air". This bird is persistant. It has been crashing into that bay window over and over, all day long, since Thursday.  It is making the dog crazy.

In an effort to discourage the bird, my offspring and I have plastered the window with artwork. I hoped that having something on the glass would let the creature know that yes, there is something there, and no, you can't fly through it. Allow me my proud mama time and check out my personal favourites:

The above drawing, by Jadzia, depicts an elephant, a giraffe, a monkey, a dog and a cat, and a zebra (note the stripes).

This one is from William, who thought that the best way to scare the robin away would be to draw terrifying monsters, which this is. Look at all those legs and spikes!


William drew a few more monsters and Jadzia drew many more animals (mostly elephants). So our window now looks like this:



Definitely an improvement in a decor sense, but unfortunately has done nothing to deter our visitor.  The bird apparently has no fear of creatively drawn zoo animals or grinning monsters and continues systematically testing our forcefield for weak points. I admire this creature's bravery and persistence, but I question its motives.

A walk with the dog revealed that the neighbourhood is full of similarly dopey robins, who Worf has decided are the ememy. They are a little too slow to fly away and my loveable mutt came close to catching one or two (also came close to ripping my arm out of its socket from pulling the leash so hard). I suspect that the early spring means that these birds aren't yet old enough to be street wise.

Clearing the Dungeon

If you're thinking to yourself that's not that much stuff, keep in mind this picture was taken when we were three quarters done clearing out the crawlspace. Taking up half the basement, this storage dungeon is characterized by a convenient waist-high ceiling, and unsealed concrete floor.  The latter kicks up so much dust that everything in there, including the air, takes on a whitish-gray hue. After about a minute of being doubled over in this junk-collecting abyss, my lungs and nose become clogged.  Note, it took significantly more than a minute to clear out all this stuff. If I develop lung cancer later in life, I no longer have to blame the solvents and charcoal dust I breathed in my art school days.

While my husband swept and vacuumed the dust, and applied the first coat of sealant, I was supposed to begin discarding items we no longer needed or wanted. Unfortunately I have the mentality of a hoarder. What looks like a mass of junk is actually a trove of treasures.  If I kept every item that triggered a pleasant memory, or that might have some future use, I would keep it all.  Part of me thinks I could keep it all, if only I organized it properly. After several minutes of staring at the pile I didn't know where to begin, so I took a break.

Later, I was in charge of putting on the second coat of sealant, a liquid the colour and consistency of skim milk. It claims to be odourless, which is code for "it doesn't smell all that bad." The canned fresh air smell brought to mind a swimming pool full of moss. I'd rather breathe that than the dust at any rate.  Before I started, my darling husband reminded me to paint next to the door last, so as not to paint myself into a corner. I was mildly irked that he would presume such stupidity on my part, but that's probably exactly what would have happened had he not mentioned anything.

After a few swipes of the roller the milk quickly foamed into beaten egg whites. I rode around on little red wheeled stool, my retractable-handled roller zipping across the surface. I was feeling pretty efficient when bang, the end of my handle knocked the energy saver light bulb, which promptly caught fire.  I'm going to say that again.  The light bulb caught fire. My first thought: the house is going to burn down. I attempted to blow out the electrically fed flame burning so close to the wood supporting our entire house. Then I called for my husband. Then the damaged burning lightbulb crashed to the ground right in front of me. Then I screamed.

The fire extinguished itself fairly quickly once the bulb fell and my husband turned the lights out. I got a flashlight, an extra bulb, and a broom to sweep up the glass.  Apparently, the energy saver bulbs are bursting with toxic mercury, but I feel okay anyway having not burned to a crisp.

After that I finished the second coat without incident, and added a third coat yesterday for good measure. Now all that remains to do is to fill this pristine space with junk.

Hybrid

Shadows crept across the wall. A crack in the ceiling let in the only light. Odrin knew he had only minutes before the guards found him. His orange eyes widened as they adjusted to the darkness.  The alien’s dust-covered bones were laid out on a table. Though its flesh had long since disappeared, Odrin saw echoes of the being that his mother had described, the immense height, five-fingered hands.   His hearts swelled with wonder as he gazed upon the creature that had always been a part of him. Odrin pictured the skeleton encased in the same pinkish skin that appeared in patches over his own body. He’d always hated how they marred his violet scales but, in that moment, treasured their one connection. How stupid he’d been to wait so long to find his father. His mind burst with questions that couldn’t be answered. Who are you? Why did you come to this world? Now all he’d ever know was this collection of bones. He stood mesmerized, not hearing the guard’s approach until she was right behind him.  Her stunner seared into his back. His skin tingled from the weapon’s heat. His last breath reeked of burning flesh. Then everything faded.

I wrote the above snippet for Rachael Harrie's Campaign Challenge.  (This post is #101 on that page. Like it!). The criteria:

• 200 words or less (check)
• Begin the story with the words "shadows crept across the wall" (check)

Bonus challenges:

• End the story with "everything faded" (check)
• Use the word "orange" (check)
• Write in the genre you normally write (check)
• Use exactly 200 words (check)

I used a character from my work in progress.  This might end up being a scene in the book, depending on how the story plays out.

Eleven Questions

So there's this meme going around where you answer eleven questions about yourself. It's kind of a fun meme because instead of everyone getting the same questions, you think up different questions every time (My questions are at the very bottom of the post). Fun! I was tagged by Elizabeth Twist.  These are her questions (copied from her blog formatting and all) with my answers. Enjoy!

1. What are you reading?
Right now I'm reading "the Help". I'm going to watch the movie when I'm done. The book is beautifully written, the characters feel real, and I'm truly enjoying it but next I'm looking forward to reading something set in the future with aliens and robots.

2. What is your favourite creative activity that is not writing?
Lately I’ve been really into Improv. I go every Monday to a drop-in beginner’s class. Not only is it a blast, but it’s also therapeutic because I often pretend to be my tantruming children. I also paint.

3. Where or how do you get your best ideas?
I’m not really sure. I do know that I tend to look at things differently than most people. Any stimuli I receive gets mixed up in my brain and transformed into a story about aliens and/or robots.


4. If you could magically and painlessly change one thing about your mind or body, what would it be, if anything?
I’m pretty happy with myself generally, but I would like to remove my tendency to procrastinate. I struggle with this a lot. Often, I don’t even realize I’m doing it.  Other times, I know I am but can’t seem to help myself.


5. What's the scariest movie, story, novel, or scene you can recall?
There’s an episode of CSI where a kid takes a ride in a dryer at the laundromat and is killed from the extreme heat. Kind of freaked me out because it involved a kid just being a kid, not murder or rape or anything.


6. What's the weirdest thing you believe?
I believe in the future everything will keep getting better. I know that global warming is threatening our way of life, people are starving, animals are becoming extinct, the oceans are dying, and war and greed continue to thrive.  And yet, every generation becomes a little more tolerant, a little more aware, a little kinder to one another.  I believe that there are people right now working on solutions that will allow us to live in harmony with each other and with nature, without sacrificing the luxuries we enjoy.  


7. Super strength or super intelligence?
Super intelligence. Although I’m pretty sure I have that already.


8. You're granted the ability to become invisible. Where do you go and what do you do? (Bonus question: are you wearing clothes? I mean, what about YOUR becoming invisible makes your clothes invisible too? This has always bothered me.)
This has always struck me as the least useful superpower for my day to day life.  I don’t hide. I’m not particularly curious about what people say behind my back. I’m not interested in invading the men’s washroom. If I was being chased by a rapist or something then invisibility might be useful, but other than that no. As for the clothing, perhaps it is what makes me invisible, as in Harry Potter’s magic cloak.  Or, my super power might create an aura around me and make whatever I’m wearing invisible (like how Superman’s clothing is also bulletproof). This would also avoid the whole objects floating in the air problem.  Alternatively, I might need special clothes, like Violet in the Incredibles. I wouldn’t use my power if I had to be naked. It doesn’t matter if no one can see. I’d know. I don’t even like to be naked while talking on the phone.


9. What one change do you think would have the most positive impact on the world as a whole?
The abolishment of dogmatic ideas.


10. What is the crappiest advice you've ever been given?
I once took a career assessment which concluded that I should be an audiologist or a technical writer.


11. What's your favourite song right now?
I don’t really have a favourite song, but I had a blast singing MacArthur Park last time I was at karaoke.

I also got tagged by Avery Marsh. Here are her questions:

1. Who was your favorite author when you were a child?

My Mom has always been my favourite author.

2. If you could put yourself in any book, what would it be?

I would put myself in a Star Trek novel. Since I was a kid, I've dreamed of serving aboard the Enterprise, under Captain Picard's wise command.

3. What is the best writing advice you ever read/received?

Just keep writing.

4. If you were a prescription drug, what would your list of side effects include?

Unrestrained laughter, confusion, and nausea (don't they all cause nausea?) 

5. Name an interesting trait you've given one of your characters.

Scales that change colour with emotions.

6. Edit as you go or edit by the draft?

Both. If I get blocked I go back and edit the last few chapters to get me in the groove. 

7. If you were to write an autobiography, what would it be called?

Super Happy Jen's Super Happy Autobiography

8. Introduce us to one of your villains.

The villain in my upcoming book is a prototype soldier droid who has been retrofitted into a sex slave. She has an unrestrained hatred of humans, and stubbornly denies that her fellow wardroids are not self aware. 

9. How many novels have you written?

Just the one, more to come!

10. What is your favorite writing related website?

I like all the blogs I'm reading during this writing campaign.

11. What other secret talents do you have?

I mentioned improv and painting above. I used to make flash cartoons, when people did that sort of thing. 

Here are some people I'm tagging.  (If you want, you can tag yourself)

Natalie Francisco
A J Mullarky
Brooke Hamilton
Sharon Clare, Sherry Isaac, and Carole St-Laurent
Rhiannon Morgan
Kevin Hiatt
Carolin Seidenkranz
Sherri Lackey
Ruth Schiffmann


And here are my random questions:
1. If there was a movie made about your life, which celebrity would play you?
2. What were you like in high school?
3. Which character in Star Trek: the Next Generation would you be for a day?
4. Karaoke?
5. In the fictionalization of your life, are you the hero or the villain?
6. Vampires or zombies?
7. Children?
8. If you could have a pet dinosaur, what kind of dinosaur would you get?
9. How do you picture yourself in the future?
10. Dogs or cats?
11. Favourite youtube channel?

My baby is FIVE YEARS OLD

My son William turned five today.  Here's a picture him when he was just a month old:

Here's a picture of him with his sister, taken just before his birthday party on Sunday:

He sure has transformed! (Get it?) Yes, he opted for a Halloween party for his birthday. I borrowed some Halloween decorations from a Halloween-obsessed friend and we put them up together.  He also helped decorate the cake, too. Here's the cake:

William chose all the icing colours and sprinkled the candy stars.  The orange happy face in the middle started out as a pumpkin, in keeping with the Halloween theme. Also, according to William, the red corner is  "blood from where somebody died".  Spooky. And what cake would be complete without three random cars?

Here's a picture of the kids playing bean bag toss:

The idea was to get your beanbag to land on that pumpkin. William asked for a beanbag game to be included in the festivities so Adam made that poster especially for the occasion. Later, William had fun sliding on the slippery print, and jumping off the stairs onto it.

Here are all the kids waiting for their food:

After all the hoopla about the cake, William had exactly one bite of it. He didn't even eat his ice cream.  He did have a popsicle though (he made me buy those).

Here is William opening presents:

One day he'll get the process of opening each present one at a time, reading the card first, and then thanking the gift giver.  That is not what happened here. Presents were being thrust at him by helpful party-goers and he tore at them like a gift-starved animal.

I spent all of Monday putting together Lego flying saucers and army vehicles.  None of these are still together now that it is Wednesday.

After the party goers left we went to visit my in-laws in Niagara Falls. Here is William opening the Innotab they got him:

He calls it his iPad. The thing is pretty cool. Of course, in about an hour both my kids had passed the games that came with it, including the difficult level. I can see how this thing could easily become a money sucker (and a battery sucker).

Here's Babcia, wearing William's Bumblebee mask:

Today (after William opened his presents from me and Adam) I spent about an hour trying to find a friend for William to play with on his birthday.  Having been unsuccessful, we headed to the Early Years, where we saw noone we know (other than the staff). The kids had a good time anyway.  They sang Happy Birthday to him in circle and he blew out a candle (no cake, just the candle).  

I promised my kids McDonald's for lunch but when I got to the McDonald's next door to the OEYC I realized I had forgotten my wallet at home. We went all the way home, then went to a different, closer McDonald's that had a play place in it.  I climbed through the tubes with Jadzia because she was too cranky to do it herself. The entire structure was hard plastic and tough on the knees.

We went home eventually, then went outside and played baseball in the snow. (William got a bat, ball and glove from Adam).  I pitched, he batted.  He didn't do too badly considering I'm a pretty terrible pitcher.

For dinner we went to my Mom's house, where he got gifts from his grandparents, uncles, aunts, and cousins. Here is a picture of the monkey cupcakes my Mom made for him:

He ate the digestive biscuit off the top, and also had some strawberries.  He's not much of a cake person, as you may have gathered.

In conclusion, my son is five. The tiny zygote that lived in my belly is big grown-up boy. 

Happy Birthday William!

An Improveriffic V-day

Tonight I went to possibly the greatest Valentine's Day* show in the universe at the Staircase Theater, where I go to improv class every Monday.  After buying our tickets we filled out a card about how we first met, because in the show they choose three couples to interview on stage.  I was hoping I would be chosen, because I enjoy an outing a hundred times more when it's all about me.

On the card we were asked to describe our partner in one word.  My word for Adam was "huggable" and Adam's word for me was "distractable".  Hmmn.

We sat right in the front row and the host (Devlin, also one of my improv teachers) called us up first.  (I was told later that they picked randomly and didn't know that I was in fact "their Jen"). We sat on a comfy couch and were interviewed about how we first met (over balloons at a friend's birthday party).  Then we chose a couple of improv actors to play us in the reenactment.  

I chose Jessica to play me because I happen to know she is very funny, and also she wears glasses and looks a bit like I did in my early years of dating Adam.  I've already forgot the name of the guy who played Adam, but again, it's all about me.

Adam had told the story of how when he picked me up to go to a movie, my whole family was watching from the window, so they kind of melded that with our first kiss.  The actors playing us were having an intimate moment doing eskimo kisses and butterfly kisses, while all the rest of the improvisers pretended to be my family watching from behind a curtain. Most of them were gesturing with their tongues to encourage us to kiss, while the "Dad" was shaking his head and scowling.  Priceless.

We got flowers and a pack of gummy hearts for participating.  Then, later on in the show, I won a raffle prize.  Guess what? Tickets for two to improv bootcamp, where I go anyway every Monday!

I thought we were pretty boring, especially since the couple who went after us had sex on their front lawn the night they first met. After the show, though, people kept coming up to us and telling us how great we were. I'm not sure why. The improvisers were great, all we did was answer questions.

As we were leaving another one of my teachers told Adam that his wife is very funny.  Yay!

*My husband says that I should write about my son's birthday party instead, since that is a much more important event.  I agree that my baby turning five tomorrow is far more important and his birthday party we had on Sunday deserves a post, but the V-day show is fresher in my mind and more appropriate for a February 14th entry. Also I'm too lazy to upload the party pictures from my camera just yet. Maybe tomorrow on his actual birthday. Or sometime I don't know.

Campaigning again

Remember a while back I participated a blogging campaign with the goal of having fun, attracting readers, and creating blog friends?  You might remember that this involved lots of flash fiction stories.  Well, I'm going to go ahead and do that again.

This means I'll have a lot of new people visiting my blog.  Hi new people!  Some days this blog is about writing, sometime about whatever, but most of the time it's about my kids.  This is my life, unedited. I recommend you watch the silly trailer I made for my new book (coming in 2013). It's up in the top right corner. I also recommend you read a couple of the earlier posts, as the required "Hey, I'm in a campaign" post is never my most inspiring.

Incidentally, the stories from the last campaign have been published into a book that you can buy and all the proceeds go to charity (no, the charity is not me, an even worthier cause).

Bubbles

The other day I took advantage of the inexplicable lack of winter weather and went outside with the kids.  In addition to creating a family portrait with sidewalk chalk, playing hopscotch and tic-tac-toe, and attempting to skip in snow boots with a too short rope, I also waved a bubble sword around.  Kids really do go crazy for bubbles, running down the sidewalk, jumping and popping them in the air, squealing at the big sized ones, the snowmen ones, the ones that seem like they will go on forever and never burst.  No grown-up would be this excited about anything, even if thousand-dollar bills were floating in the air.

I was immediately reminded of two movie scenes.  The first from the movie "Knocked Up":

And the second from "Finding Nemo":

Yes, Mr. Rudd, my children do remind me how difficult it is for my adult self to enjoy anything, but they also help me appreciate things anew.  We all have an excited little yellow fish inside us, don't we? Anyway, I love bubbles for their ability to amuse my children until the soap runs out.  (They also add extra fun to bath time).

Strangely enough, this week's scishow was about bubbles.  Apparently they can destroy boat propellers and  also cure cancer. Fun!

Week in review

Today I'm supposed to think back over the past seven days and think of the things that went really well for me. These can be trivial or more life changing.  It was an uneventful week for the most part so mostly trivial then.

1. I've had Jadzia wandering around the house half naked (bottom half) to encourage her to use the potty.  It's worked fairly well.  She goes pee by herself on the toilet.  She's even climbed onto the big toilet by herself and one time she managed to get the nail polish and reward herself by painting her nails. Occasionally she has accidents, and by "accidents" I of course mean deliberately peeing on a piece of furniture just to get a rise out of daddy.

2. I registered Jadzia for junior kindergarten. She wore underwear and went pee in the staff washroom at school. I mentioned to the secretary that she wasn't quite toilet trained and she handed me a pamphlet. The fact that they have such pamphlets for parents of kindergarten students makes me feel so much better about having a stubborn 3-year-old in diapers.

3. My inlaws gave us a new tv.  It is much flatter than our old tv and hangs nicely on the wall. My husband is now obsessed with watching our blu ray movies to take advantage of the good picture quality.  Last night, Avatar.  We still have our ginormous tv (which was also a hand me down from the inlaws) and it still works, so if anyone has the man power to attempt to remove it from our basement, it can be yours.

So that's it.  Now I'm supposed to have good good happy feelings that last for months and months.  Well, I don't feel depressed or anything, so it must be working!

Nice to be appreciated

I recently received a prestigious blogging award from my friend Sharon over at Romance & Beyond. Thanks Sharon! Award, meme, same difference.  Anyway, here are the rules:

1. Thank and link to the person who nominated you.  (Check)
2. Share 7 random facts about yourself.  (See below)
3. Pass the Award on to 10 deserving blog buddies. (10? Really? Kind of cheapens the whole award that I have to send it to that many. What makes you think I even have 10 friends, let alone 10 friends with "Irresistibly Sweet" blogs?)
4. Contact those buddies and let them know. (Meh, if I feel like it)

Now 7 random facts:

1. I have a preference for brightly coloured clothing, particularly red.  Sometimes I even dye my hair red and then wear red pants, a red shirt, and a red jacket.  Totally stylin'

2. I am easily distracted and enjoy all kinds of computer games. They keep me from productive activities including (but not limited to) laundry, dishes, cleaning the house, grocery shopping, writing and painting.

3. I have green eyes, but my husband and kids all have brown eyes.

4. I love karaoke.

5. My favourite show is Star Trek: the Next Generation

6. I sent an e-mail to my husband today telling him how much I appreciate him.  This was today's part of the 59 seconds perfect diary.

7. I got 90s in math in high school and found algebra to be kind of fun.

Ten deserving blogging buddies: Natalie, BlagHag, Zydeco Fish, Sylvia McNicoll, Design Chicks Blogaboo, Space Craig,  A.J. Mullarky, Alex J Cavanaugh, Glitter Word, Tracey's Tavern

Some of these bloggers I know, some I only feel like I know because I read their blogs. Check them out. If you feel like it, let them know you got there from my blog (mention the award in case I don't get around to it).

Future Fantastic

Today, as part of Professor's Wiseman's perfect diary, I'm going to write about my future. I'm to imagine everything has worked out wonderfully, all my dreams come true and all my goals realized.  Interestingly, this sort of visualization will not help me actually realize my goals.  For that, I'd have to create a step by step plan and imagine all the obstacles I'll have to overcome. But this isn't about achieving one's goals, this is about good good happy feelings.

Next year my book will be out and I'll be finished the second one.  Having one book published, I'll easily land an agent for the second book and she will be busily negotiating with all the big wig publishers. My improv skills will get me into the invite-only advanced class and I'll do my first show in front of an audience. People will see my mad skills on stage and run right home to purchase my ebook, hoping it's just as entertaining.  They won't be disappointed.  In fact, I'll receive rave reviews on both the show and the novel.  I'll get a little extra money with my new found fame and I'll take the whole family on a canoeing trip in Algonquin. Also I'll pay off my Visa and start work on my Star Trek basement. I'll get that new red couch I've had my eye on forever and no one will pee on it or chew it.

Good times

Tuesday's prescribed writing assignment from Professor Wiseman is to think about a happy even in your life and describe it.

I immediately thought of mine and Adam's night in Niagara-on-the-lake last year.  It was a Christmas present from my parents that we redeemed in July.  One night in a fancy hotel, a three course dinner, and a play. The weather was perfect and we rode out bikes along the water.  Mature trees provided shade to our smoothly-paved meandering path. We stopped for cherries at a small store.

The dinner was delicious (I had pasta with duck and bacon, thank goodness I have this blog to help me remember details).  I only remember the lobster poutine. I would go back just to taste it:  big chunks of claw meat atop perfect potatoey fries.  In fact, maybe next time we go to Niagara Falls, we can leave the kids at my in-laws and go get some. Not dinner, just the appetizer.

The play would have been better as a musical, but there was a slight amusement factor and we enjoyed each others company.  The mirror in our hotel washroom had a tv embedded in it.

I was deliriously happy pretty much the entire time.

Thankful things

So I've been reading the book "59 seconds: Change your Life in Under a Minute" by Richard Wiseman. It's a self help book that debunks other self help books and uses science to increase happiness and success. I have already spent well over 59 seconds perusing the book, and have come across an exercise that I can do right here on the blog.  I'm to maintain a diary for one week, Monday to Friday.  Each day, Professor Wiseman has prescribed a certain topic and at the end of the week I should end up with a blissfully happy feeling that for lasts months. Fun stuff!

Today is Monday.  I'm to think back to the previous week and write down three things that I'm thankful for.

1. My family tops the list always. My husband Adam, and my kids William and Jadzia.  When I was younger, all I wanted was to have a husband, two kids, and a house, so this life is my dream come true.  Of course, I also wanted to live on the moon, but I'm sure that will come. This week the kids and I had some quality time tobogganing and on Saturday, Adam and I got to go on a date together. I get a lot of "I love you"s, especially from William.  They're especially nice unsolicited, when I'm expecting him to ask for a snack or something and instead get a declaration of affection.
2. The weather.  I am so glad it is finally winter weather.  This is my favourite time of year.  I mentioned we went tobogganing, right?  There's a perfect hill right next to William's school, and when I pick him up I bring the toboggan. Also, last week we went skating down by the lake.  Just perfect.  If you're going to go out and do winter stuff, wear an extra pair of pants.  I don't have snow pants so two pairs of jeans is so much better than one. I'm convinced that anyone who says they don't like winter is just cranky because their legs are cold.
3. My friends. Some of us went to the movies together on Saturday and saw Beauty and the Beast in 3D. (Thanks to Columbia for organizing it!)  Currently my best friends are my son's best friend's moms. On Mondays I take improv class and am often joined by mommy friends eager for a childless night. Last Monday, Becca went with me. She's probably my oldest friend, since we met in kindergarten. And her son is only two weeks older than mine, how great is that?  I love my friends unconditionally and know that they feel the same way about me.  Sappy, but true. 

Warm fuzzies engage!

God does not exist.

The fact that I happen to believe that statement doesn't really matter in my day to day life. I'm unlikely to be mobbed in the street or sent to jail.  Unfortunately the same doesn't apply to Alexander Aan, a 31-year-old in Indonesia who wrote those same four words on his Facebook.   God does not exist.  I can say it as many times as I want and the worst I'll get is an angry comment and a lost twitter follower (and honestly, I doubt even that's going to happen).  Alexander Aan was attacked on his way to work.  He was arrested.

Really? Do people really behave this way in a free and democratic society? My first instinct upon reading this article was to exercise my own freedom of speech by posting "God does not exist" as my own Facebook status. I encourage everyone to do the same.  Maybe we'll start some kind of viral internet thing that will reach the people of Indonesia (who I'm sure aren't all bigots).

In other news, my husband is making waffles!

Punta Cana Moments: Pool vs Ocean

The majority of our time in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic was spent in or around the water.  Specifically, the ocean and the pool.  Which leads to the question which is better, ocean or pool?

Stubbornly, I want to pick ocean, a beautiful natural wonder, the birthplace of our earliest ancestors.  The sight of it is a vacation brochure come to life; turquoise water lined with palm trees and white beaches. I loved swimming among the waves, even if the salt stung my eyes occasionally.

For the kids, the pool is the clear choice. Say what? We have pools in Burlington. We didn't travel almost three thousand miles just to swim in a pool!  Granted, the pools in Burlington aren't surrounded by palm trees.  Nor do they have bars that you can swim up to and order free drinks all day.  When William wasn't ordering me to film his amazing splashes, he was drinking virgin daiquiries until his lips matched his life jacket.  I must admit, the clear refreshing water was much more pleasant on the eyes and mouth than its salty counterpart.  Perhaps this is because the pool was designed specifically for the pleasure of humans, while the ocean is the embodiment of a fierce mother nature who pressures all creatures to adapt to her whim.

What the beach did have going for it was the sand.  Even on the hottest days, it never got hot enough to burn your feet (Yes, really. I know, I can't get over it either). Also, no matter where we were on the beach, the sand was always the perfect consistency for making castles.  While on the beach, the kids were happy to stay on shore while Adam and I took turns getting our swim on.  Of course, William did enjoy jumping in the waves on occasion, and Jadzia ran in and out just getting her toes wet.

Back in the great white north, today we played in the snow and went skating.  My mom asked William what he liked better, swimming in the pool and ocean, or the ice and snow.  His answer was immediate and enthusiastic: "Snow! Snow! Snow!"

Sexy Clown Fish, Stubborn Machines, and Doggy Boils

I don't normally buy books at the dollar store but when I saw "So Many Ways to Reproduce" I couldn't leave it behind.  After all, there is nothing more fascinating and entertaining than the intimate relations of our animal friends. Just now I read an interesting tidbit about the clown fish. They are hermaphrodites at birth, but here's the weird thing: if the mommy dies, the daddy will turn into a female, and one of the babies will turn into a male to become the new daddy. Seriously.  I'm imagining an alternate version of Finding Nemo.

I went to the dollar store because I had to renew the licence sticker on my car so I went to that kiosk in the mall.  You can theoretically renew your health card, licence, whatever at this stupid little machine without the ordeal of actually having to talk to another person. Unfortunately it didn't work, as it rarely does.  Apparently it didn't have stickers for the date I wanted, which is right now, so I honestly don't get it.  I went to the dollar store and to buy a treat for my reasonably-well-behaved three-year old (and also so the trip didn't feel like such a waste). Tomorrow I'll talk to a real person and get a new sticker and renew my daughter's health card (fun).  I would have gone today but the office is closed on Thursday.  Yes, they are open Monday through Wednesday and Fridays.  The universe is clearly against me getting any errands done.

I did manage to get to the vet so they could examine a lump Worf had on his shoulder.  Either it's something harmless that dogs get all the time, or its a hideous cancerous growth.  I paid $260 to find out which one it is. In  the Dominican Republic dogs live in the streets like overgrown rats and here we pay hundreds to investigate their boils.  (Stay tuned for more about my recent Punta Cana vacation when I feel like writing about it).

Punta Cana Moments - The Trip Home

For the past week my family and I have been in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic to attend my sister's wedding.  It was a relaxing trip which included palm trees, swimming and buffets.  Of course the thing most fresh in my mind is the trip home, so that is what I will tell you about today.

To make our one-am flight we had to be all ready and in the lobby by nine, already past the kids bedtime.  Some rather pushy merchants happened to be set up selling various souvenir trinkets. I got suckered into buying two little drum noisemakers for the kids, and they promptly began fighting over who got to use the one with the crocodile on it (the other had a dolphin).  Shortly after that, Jadzia fell asleep, on my lap, in the lobby, despite the noise of the boisterous bar-goers. 

The bus took a route with many windy roads, and an exorbitant amount of speed bumps, stopping at several other resorts along the way. I tossed my still-comatose daughter at Adam because I was afraid I was going to vomit on her. I drank water, which helped a little at first, but then just wanted to come up.  But I made it to the airport without puking.  Huzzah!  William fell asleep on the bus.

Adam was already in charge of all the luggage, and I couldn't carry both kids so my mom carried Jadzia and I carried William.  That child has gotten a lot heavier since he lived in my belly five years ago. In the line up at Dominican customs, he woke enough to become delirious and started kicking me.  I put him down and guided the little zombie along, while Jadzia screamed as she attempted to find a comfortable position in Omi's arms.

We waited in the airport for a while, which is not air-conditioned.  In fact, the whole place is walls-optional.  I get that the Dominican doesn't get a lot of snow storms, but does it never rain sideways? Parts of it look more like a picnic shelter than an international airport.

Anyway, William nodded off again and I carried his limp body across the tarmac.  In the summer, I went portaging and had to carry half our gear in a giant pack.  That was nothing.  You know those tunnels that lead you right from the gate into your airplane?  Punta Cana doesn't have those.  Those tunnels are a good idea. I huffed and puffed along, up the stairs to the airplane, and finally chucked my first born onto the window seat. We set Jadzia down beside him and they stayed asleep until we landed in Toronto.

Then they had a great time with the moving sidewalks.