Wednesday night I decided I didn't want to go through the embarrassing ordeal of attempting to parallel park at the end of my drive-way, so I parked on the road. Thursday morning, I awoke to find a thirty-five-dollar parking ticket and a car covered in frozen egg. Have you ever tried to scrape frozen egg off a windshield? It is not possible. It was not going to happen.
No time to wash it off, I drove to work, knowing that I was the laughing stock of the entire QEW. After work, I went to a gas station that had a car wash. I tanked up and asked the attendent if there was any way in hell that the carwash would get the frozen egg off my car. The answer was no. No. Way. In. Hell. Touchless carwashes don't actually wash cars. They just make already clean cars look cleaner.
Okay, so I probably could of guessed that a touchless carwash wasn't going to do it for me. But I challenge anyone to find a carwash that is not touchless. For Spock's sake! TOUCH THE CAR!
Luckily Adam knew of a coin car wash where you could wash the car yourself (how innovative). So him and I got to work and got most of the egg off. Now I just have to pay that STUPID TICKET.
By the way, further analysis of the ticket revealed that it was written at around 4 am, well after most egg-weilding youngsters go back to their homes to watch Olsen Twins videos. Therefore one of two things must have happened:
a) The parking bilaw officer egged the car him/herself.
b) The parking bilaw officer saw the egg, laughed and laughed, then poured salt in the wound by writing the ticket.
Only Captain Meanieface of the starship Prick would do either of these things, but then only Captain Meanieface of the starship Prick could hold a job as a Parking Bilaw Officer for any length of time. (Sorry PBOs. I know how hard it is to make money without selling your soul).