Saturday, February 26, 2005

I'm not as hopeless as I thought

I've been reviewing my procrastination list and have discovered that I am the most productive girl ever!

Here are the things that are totally done. Totally:
  • Write that article for my Mom's magasine about star-gazing in the city. I call it Bright Stars, Big City. Mom still has edits for me, but the important thing is that I wrote the thing.
  • Look for a job. I got a job so I must have been doing this somewhat productivly. Of course, the search for the ultimate dream job is neverending. The Neverending da ba ba da ba ba da baaaa...

Here are the things I actually worked on. (The thing I mean).

  • Work on my novel, "Unintended." It's getting there. I read to my mutual admiration society yesterday (writer's group). They gave me a few edits that I might fix later.

Here is the stuff I still haven't bothered with:

  • Finish my flash animation movie. I don't know if this is going anywhere. It might be one of those creative endeavors that I just scrap. (my 'puter is full of unfinished flash cartoons, half-written novels, and opening paragraphs for short stories that are never to be)
  • Paint some paintings for my wedding centerpieces. I took the ones that suck (imo) off the wall. The ones that are left are okay, I guess. I think I can finish them by September.
  • Wedding-related stuff. Like look up my relatives addresses. This still doesn't excite me.

So that's like 2.5 out of 6. Hang on a sec...start, programs, accessories, calculator... 41.67 % Okay so I'm not winning any productivity contests, but at least I did stuff. The most important thing is that my current Pinball* high score is 9,554,750. Beat that!

*3D Pinball for Windows - Space Cadet

Friday, February 25, 2005

I'm Employed!!!

I finally got ahold of the call centre and they hired me! I can now look forward to a glamorous job as call-centre girl (I believe that's my official title). Not the greatest pay in the history of time but I'm good at this kind of stuff so I'll soon be given a large raise and be promoted to head weasel. Also, my friend Becca who works there says the training is just like school. I love school!

Telephone Tag

Those of you who attempted to decipher my Pig Latin blog entry know that I've been waiting on a call from a call centre in St. Catharines. Hopefully, they will be the ones to cure my unemployment woes. Well those who know me know I'm a hermit. I don't leave the house. Heck, I rarely step away from my computer. Unfortunately, I'm still just a level-one hermit (I still have friends and do go out on occasion). Today I needed to be a level-six hermit (Someone who believes personal hygiene is an unnecessary luxury) because the moment I stepped into the shower the call centre called. Whether they called to say "Welcome aboard" or "Chuck you Farley" I cannot say, because when I called them back I got a machine. I left what I hoped was an intelligent, non-desperate message. When are they going to call back? When?


Thursday, February 24, 2005

Ofie pot

Isthay ostpay isyay ofyay ayay ensitivesay aturenay. Otay eepkay ethay informationyay ereinhay omfray otentialpay employersyay (andyay orfay unfay) Iyay amyay itingwray ityay inyay Igpay Atinlay.

Odaytay Iyay adhay anyay interviewyay atyay Itelsay. Isthay asway ymay econdsay interviewyay (irdthay ifyay ountcay ethay uberyay easyyay omputercay esttay). Itay onsistedcay ofyay ayay ourtay ofyay ethay aceplay erewhay Iyay aymay oryay aymay otnay ebay orkingway. Igbay oorflay. Anymay onesphay. Iay inkthay Iyay illway etgay ethay objay. I inkthay everyoneyay owhay asway erethay illway etgay ethay objay unlessyay eythay aidsay "Iyay enjoyyay urderingmay uppypay ogsday" uringday eirthay interviewyay. Eythay illway allcay emay inyay "ayay ouplecay aysday".

Inyay asecay Iyay on'tday etgay ethay objay atyay Itelsay, Iyay ouldcay orkway atyay Ogersray Ideovay. Eythay alledcay emay isthay afternoonyay andyay onephay interviewedyay emay. Iyay owedway emthay ithway ymay Ockbusterblay experienceyay andyay idday otnay entionmay ymay imminentyay employmentyay ithway Itelsay.

Erethay ightmay alsoyay ebay ayay ealray objay onyay ethay orizonhay. Apparentlyyay, ymay Om'smay eindfray atyay ethay Orontotay Artsyay Ouncilcay oughtthay ymay ésuméray asway "illiantbray". Osay Iyay ightmay etgay anyay interviewyay erethay inyay ethay earnay uturefay.

Atyay isthay ateray I'llyay avehay eethray obsjay ybay ethay endyay ofyay ethay onthmay. Erewhay ereway allyay esethay uysgay ixsay onthsmay agoyay?


That's enough Pig Latin for one millenium. In other news, Office Depot, having no idea how to change the bulbs in its light-up sign, has changed its name to Ofie Pot. Has a nice ring to it doesn't it?

Monday, February 21, 2005

The Power of Positive Thinking

I have an interview today so I had this dream.

I woke up at 9:15 am, which is way later than I had set my alarm since I had planned to go to Becca's house for breakfast before my interview. I couldn't find the addresses I'd printed out for my previous employers. Oh well, thought I. I opted to skip Becca's and just go to the interview. I ended up chatting with my brother about movies. Apparently there's a Richard Scarry feature coming out (in my dream at least). Anyway the next time I looked at my watch it was 11:15. This is a problem since my interview is for 10:30. My mom asked me what time is it as I ran out the door. I replied "I'm late." Mom said "You should've gotten up earlier." I said "My alarm didn't ring." I booted it to St. Cath and somehow got there two minutes later. The interview lady (a prematurely grey woman with a pony tail) appeared to be out of interview mode and was helping Becca do something on the computer. I introduced myself and sat down. She asked me why I wasn't there at 10:30. I don't remember what I said but I know it ended with "it won't happen again." Becca shook her head and said "This isn't going well." The lady looked at me with disgust and told me to take my sweater off. I did and there was another sweater underneath. Lady rolled her eyes and said something along the lines of "don't you know how to present yourself better?" She asked me to take my shoulder strap off (my purse was around my shoulder). I did, and my other sweater. I think my hair was all staticky too, and the lady was still disgusted by my appearance. Even though she'd already decided not to hire me she gave me a tour. In my dream, the place was so not a call centre. There were big rolls of fabric around. I tried to tell the woman off, saying she judged me before I had a chance to prove myself, that I was a good worker, and blah blah blah, but my words came out quietly and mousey. We got to this place where people were glueing snippets of magazines together to create new fashion statements. The lady asked me about my sense of style. I said mine was unique. I joined in in creating a cut and paste scen with some other girl. I rummaged through the bin and found an African American plastercine Superman and stuck it to the top of the picture. I then proceded to make a navy blue boat. I painted van gogh stars on it. Everyone seemed impressed by my antics except interview lady. Some other woman came by. She was a friend of my mom's and asked my how I was doing. I said that I was in the middle of an interview and the interviewer had already decided not to hire me. She shrugged "That's too bad" and left. Needless to say I didn't get the job. I went home and my parents could tell I didn't get the job because I was teary eyed.

When I woke up and realised that it was all a dream I was delighted to be given another chance. I'm going to get another few minutes of sleep now (it is WAY too early). Wake me up before 8 am.

Friday, February 18, 2005

Tuesday, February 15, 2005

V-day the morning after

Valentine's Day is an excuse for romance and romance is good. But while some of us have significant others (like my sexy fiancé Adam), the rest are moping on the couch, eating Turtles, and watching Degrassi. These are the folks who go around saying "Valentine's Day was invented by greeting card companies", which, by the way, just makes me want to go to Hallmark and cheer. It isn't true though, I looked it up.

Around the 4thish century, they had this custom where they'd put all the girls names in one hat and the boys name in another, then draw names to decide who has to date for the year. Then these church guys (who kept getting ugly stupid girls) said "um...let's celebrate something else" and the people were like "Like what? Prudish church guys?" and the church guys were like "How 'bout St. Valentine's Day?"

Then the church guys told the story of St. Valentine, which goes like this: Back in the day, the emperor figured out that married men make sucky soldiers (they care more about their wives and kids than they do about blowing themselves up. Priorities!). So he made marriage illegal. Valentine was like "chuck that" and he married people in secret. (He also did annoying things like try to convert people to Christianity). Anyway he went to jail, where he allegedly cured the guard's daughter of blindness (I say allegedly because I'm pretty sure the church guys made that part up). So that's how he got to be St. Valentine instead of Mr. Valentine, or Father Valentine, or whatever his name was before. Before he died, he wrote blind girl a letter and signed it "From Your Valentine" (because that was his name).

Well even if Hallmark didn't invent V-day, they are sure the ones who kept it alive. Do I care? No. Coke invented Santa.

Anyway here's what I did:

Adam came over after work and gave me a rose and a card (which he made). I gave him a giant card (which I made) and a flash movie about when we first met (which I made too. Hallmark, eat your heart out).

Then we went to Red Lobster. They don't take reservations (Donkeys) so we had to go there super early (@4). We both had lobster. Mine came with crab legs and shrimp and Adam's came with lobster pasta and tiny lobster tails. Lobster is expensive, but there's nothing quite like ripping the exoskeleton off a giant bug while it stares blankly at you (plus it's delicious).

After dinner, we went to Adam's house and "hung out". Then we watched the new episode of Degrassi: the Next Generation (but we weren't moping, because we had each other). As you may or may not know, the last three episodes have guest-starred Kevin Smith (aka Silent Bob) who is a big fan of Canadian melodrama. Then we watched two re-runs of CSI (how romantic) then Adam drove me home.

Next year, in addition to the date stuff, I think I'll get one of those boxes of Valentines (you know, that you used to give out in elementary school) and I'll give them out to all the people I see every day (the mail carrier, whoever). That will be nice.

Friday, February 11, 2005

Procrastination list

Since I am still unemployed I am able to spend more time on my creative endeavors. Or, more accurately, I am able to spend more time procrastinating and making excuses why I am not working on anything, creative or otherwise. So, as part of my procrastination regime, I have decided to make a list of all the the things I want to eventually get around to doing.

THE LIST (in no particular order)
  • Work on my novel. "Unintended" (working title) a science fiction based on the fairy tale Snow White, in which most of the major characters are clones.
  • Finish my flash animation movie. (no title yet) Made to look like a circa 1920s-30s Sci Fi, all the sounds are taken from recordings of my nephew playing with my microphone.
  • Write that article for my Mom's magasine about star-gazing in the city. This has to be done by March.
  • Look for a job. I actually do this more than any other productive thing, probably because it's the most necessary. If anyone has a job for me, I can quit this ego-bruising thankless excercise and go on to something more condusive to the super happy philosophy. Anyone?
  • Paint some paintings for my wedding centerpieces. I need at least ten or twelve more. My progress was halted about a month ago by the sudden feeling that all the ones I'd already done suck so bad they will make my inlaws hate me.
  • Wedding-related stuff. Like look up my relatives addresses. This is something that's supposed to excite me?

So that's it, I guess. Feel free to harrass me into doing one or all of these things. Or just hire me so that I don't have all this procrastination time. 894 people have viewed this blog already. Odds are one of you has hiring power, right?

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Air Canada Idol


My mom found this ad in the paper looking for flight attendants. All I had to do was go to the Holiday Inn in TO sometime between 10am and 4pm with my résumé. Easy, peasy, Japanesey.

My parents drove me in because they wanted to look at the smart car. When they dropped me off I went into the hotel and a security guard directed me to a line-up of a thousand and three people. There couldn't have been more people if they were additioning for American Idol.

I got to the end of the line at 1 o'clock. Immediately, a security guard gave us all applications to fill out. A few minutes later another security guard (or maybe the same one) hollered at us that we'd have a four hour wait. Good thing I brought my trusty dusty science fiction Margaret Attwood with me (Peg should only write SF, IMO, but that really has nothing to do with anything). So I stood, in my uncomfortable interview shoes, reading Oryx and Crake, and moving forward at regular intervals to avoid being trampled by the cows behind me. The next time I looked at my watch it was 3:10.

I got to the front of the line. The cows kept pushing me forward.
"Wait until I call you forward," said Mr. Security. "If you move forward out of turn, you go to the back of the line!"
"Mooo?" said the cows.
It was difficult to hold my ground, but I managed not to get thrown to the back of the line.

Next we got to sit in chairs. Yippee! And a perky flight attendant talked to us about how to fill out the application. At least I think that's what she was talking about. I sat close to the back (not my choice) and could barely hear her. Good thing I had already filled out my application on my knee while waiting in line.

4 pm

Next we got into another standing line-up. What fun! We lined up two-by-two like we were waiting to board the arc.


Six people budded in front of me. Two women looked like they were going to have a fist fight about who was first in line. I was almost trampled again. They seemed to be under the impression that Air Canada was giving out jobs on a first-come first-serve basis. The hirers can see you, people! Who wants to hire an ill-tempered cow?


I got to the front of the line and this woman with short hair and glasses (who I guess was from the glory days of when you had to be tall and pretty in order to be a flight attendant) sat me down in a chair. She told us we weren't allowed to use our cellphones, then every time someone looked at their cellphone or looked like they were reaching in their purse, she would pounce on them "I'm sorry, but if you need to make a call you'll have to step outside."

I chatted with the girl next to me, who had come all the way from New Brunswick to do this fool thing. She agreed that the people were cows. "You're going for a job, not trying to get the last sweater that's left in size medium," said she. The friendly maritimer also scored more applications for us to fill out (because using your knee as a table is not the recipe for neat printing).


I went outside to call my parents because knowing my mother, she was already checking Toronto morgues. I made my Dad promise to buy me dinner because, having not eaten since one small bran muffin that morning, I was super duper starving by this point.


I finally got called to a table where the real interview was taking place. I was interviewed by a Flight Attendant named Heather Graham (no kidding). She asked me about my customer service experience and why I wanted to be a flight attendant. She asked that last question in french to make sure I wasn't lying about the whole billingual thing. She said they'd call me in three weeks.


I found my parents in the lobby of the hotel and we went out to dinner at a Scottish pub. I had the crunchy haddock, yummy stuff (but it didn't have to be, I would've eaten anything).

Friday, February 04, 2005

Star Trek is ending.

I'm bummed.

This has been coming for a while. Now it's official.

The Paramount Gods have decreed that there shall be no new episodes of Enterprise after this season ends in May. This means that next year will be the first year without new Star Trek episodes since The Next Generation premiered in September 1987, a month and a half before my eighth birthday.

I remember watching the show with my brother when we were kids. If one of us missed an episode, the other would make up a puppet show telling the other what happened. I remember my sister and I having fights over whether we would watch Star Trek: The Next Generation or Full House. (She recalls kicking me in the face over it). I now watch the new episodes of Enterprise with my 3-year-old-nephew.

I had hoped he would grow up with Star Trek the way I did. More importantly, I'd hoped I would one day be able to watch new Star Trek episodes with my children.

Star Trek has been a part of my life for over eighteen years. I am the token Star Trek fan in my circle of friends. They know it means more to me than just a show.

Perhaps Paramount will make more Trek movies now (though rumour has it Nemesis didn't do that well). Better yet, maybe they'll come up with a new Trek series by the time my nephew turns eight. Paramount: you have until 2010.

Otherwise Star Trek will live on in:
Comic books
Fan Fiction
Message Boards
Our hearts

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