Tuesday, March 28, 2006

My Slash Parents

For those of you who are unfamiliar with slash fiction (Mom), they are explicit stories involving two male tv characters in a sexual relationship. It started with star trek (as much perversion does), the first slash fiction being about Kirk and Spock (Kirk/Spock, Kirk slash Spock, Slash Fiction, get it?). Supposedly this kind of fan fiction is written primarily for hetrosexual women, because we will both identify with the male characters and be attracted to them at the same time.

Anway I found this quiz (below) which lets you figure out which star trek slash couple are your parents. These guys are having sex right, so they can have babies. It's the 24th century after all (or the 23rd, depending on the series). I get different stuff if I type in just my first name, my maiden name, my middle name, so play around with it.

I think the big question is which one of them is Mom?

Who are your Star Trek Slash parents? by jenniferlupin
Your Parents
Quiz created with MemeGen!

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Monday, March 27, 2006

The sunny stop

This morning I missed my subway stop. I totally zoned out and by the time I noticed that the white tiled wall I was staring at had BLOOR written across it in bold greenish letters, the door was half closed and a barely intelligible voice was broadcasting over the loudspeakers "Stand clear of the doors". I lept at the doors anyway as my logic circuits hadn't quite kicked in.

Once the train started moving again I looked around to see if anybody had noticed my idiotic behaviour. In true Toronto fashion, my fellow subwayers avoided eye contact. I got off at Rosedale.

I always forget, until I get there, that Rosedale is outside rather than underground. What a beautiful stop. It was such a treat to see the sun that I was almost disappointed when the southbound train only took 30 seconds to arrive (I said almost, keep in mind I'm the person who would rather walk for an hour than wait 5 minutes).

And that was my event for the day. Enjoy the sunshine.

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Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Our new toilet.

So yesterday some plumbers took over our building and replaced all the avacado, baby blue, and pink toilets with theses nice shiny white ones. The grass outside was a rainbow of porcelyn potties. Our sink and bathtub, still in avacado splendor, are more than a little jealous, let me tell you.

In other news I'm looking into becoming an enumerator. That sounds all cool and double-o-seven, but all it entails is dropping off forms for the census bureau, and maybe calling to hassle the people that don't fill them out. I went in for an hour long testing yesterday, shingles and all. The test asked mind-boggling logic puzzles like count the houses on the map and if Mrs. Jones was born in 1930 what age category does she fall in? It was multiple choice. I swear I am too smart for this world.

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Friday, March 17, 2006

It's a Horrid Disease. I knew it!

So I have the weird bumpy rash on my hip. Such things are not unusual for me. My skin is not exactly macho. The most hypo-allergenic perfume-free Tide can make me scratch. So I didn't go to the doctor when I started to itch. I waited till I sprouted weird bumpies.

Since part of the rash was below my pant line, my doctor had to get the nurse to come and look at it too. This I assume is so when I sue him for sexual harrassment for asking me to pull down my pants, the nurse can say "duh, what's sexy about a rash?" All very well and good, but it means the whole office gets to peek at my underwear.

Anyway, he takes one look at my bumpies and prenounces them "shingles". Sort of like chicken pox for old people. Doc also says I shouldn't hang out with pregnant people, and since Today's Parent is Pregnancyland, I can't really go to my internship this week. Apparantly, should the evil shingles go untreated I could get pain and stuff later on. Then he wrote me a prescription: $127! The shingles are causing me pain, pain in the wallet.

The ultra-expensive medicine apparently doubles as a fetus killer, so I had to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant. The same nurse who checked out my pretty blue undies also got to examine my urine! Wasn't it just her lucky day?

Shingles info (some according to Doc, some according to the instructions pack of my meds, most according to my friend the internet):

  • shingles is from the same virus as chicken pox. You can't "catch" shingles. It's my understanding that the virus was dormant in my nerves or some such, from when I had a very mild case of chicken pox in grade 2.
  • Only 20% of people who have had chicken pox get shingles (lucky me).
  • Most people who get shingles are over 65 (I'm only 39 years off).
  • The virus gets into one group of nerves. (in my case my hip). So the bumpies won't appear on my other hip, on my face, or anywhere else that's not along that nerve.
  • It's possible that I could actually give chicken pox to someone who hasn't had it.


Thursday, March 16, 2006

African children are not stupid

This is odd because I've only dreamt that I was someone else once before.

So in my dream I was a man with a wife and two children, both probably in their early teens. I think we were rich because we lived in a big house. I had one of those jobs that you have to travel a lot. I was going to go to Africa and my family didn't want me to go. My son had a dream about a rat and he was terrified because it somehow foreshadowed my death. My daughter told me "People in Africa are stupid", and I explained to her that African children are very intelligent and if they had the money we have they would be almost the same as us.

On our kitchen table there were tiny fruit trees growing in bowls. My daughter took the last peach and I had to settle for an apple. There was also a tiny strawberry tree and a tiny blueberry tree. I was going to have some blueberries but when I looked closely at the tree I saw that there were tiny mushrooms growing on it. I guess my daughter felt bad, because she threw me the peach from across the table. A tall, chubby black man was there (maybe he was going to go to Africa with me, I don't know) and he said something like "your daughter is gullible". I replied "No, she's generous." I was proud of her.

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

The place is full of gorgeous children

Interning at a magazine called Today's Parent you'd think I'd be used to seeing the odd baby. But here on the 8th floor it's business as usual, with no sign whatever that March Break is in full swing. When I went down to the lunchroom though I saw various babes, most of the infant variety but also a few more seasoned preschoolers. In any group of children there's bound to be one ugly one, but not so today. They were all so beautiful, I was sure there was some kind of minor photoshoot going on (but not for TP? What's this?). My curiousity won out and I asked one stroller Mom what the big event was. She said that she had no idea. She was on mat leave and her and her fellow mat-leaver decided to come in and show off their new cuties. She reminded me that it was March Break, but, says I, there's no school children here. For babies, it should just be any other week. So I conclude that this was all some bizarre coincidence.

Monday, March 13, 2006

Directions to Mars

No longer are google's highly useful satellite photos limited to getting around on Earth. Yup, you can check out Mars aswell. They don't have maps or street names (yet) and the images are about as acurate as the ones for Mongolia, but I'm sure this is the first step to finally being able to get directions to your favourite Martian vacation spots. I can't tell you the number of times I was trying to get to Riu Mars, and ended up at the wrong side of the tracks in Uranus.


Wednesday, March 08, 2006

En Francais

I fact-checked a piece in French today. Haven't really spoken it since I graduated high school in '99 but when an editor here asked if I spoke French I said "Yes". The piece itself was in English, but the subject was a Quebec woman who spoke very little English. I found it fairly easy to comprehend what the woman was saying, but translating the facts into French and relaying them to her in passable grammar was a painful experience. I just don't have the vocab for it anymore. Luckily, this was a very nice woman. For this piece I gave up the fact-checking rules of controlling the call and not letting the source ramble on. I figured the process would be more efficient if she did most of the talking.

I don't feel confident enough to cross "brush up on my French" off the list of things to do before I die, but I think I'm better for the experience.

A word about fat free cheese

My husband, being a health conscious sort, recently purchased a package of fat free kraft single slices. I was leary of them as I put the translucent slices on my sandwich this morning. Perhaps, thought I, I have an unfair bias towards opaque cheese and these are perfectly fine. They do have the same plasticy texture and unnatural orange-yellow that I've come to know and love (yes, I am in that minority of people who LOVE the kraft singles). After eating my sandwich I can now give you this review of the offending cheese:

They melt at room temperature, or slightly below. Even if they're still cold, they melt. And we're not talking yummy cheesey melting. No. I think the way kraft pulled off this whole fat free thing is by replacing the milk with water (not the most appetizing thing to do with cheese). So basically my cheese was drooling. As far as taste, yes, they do taste reminiscent of regular single slices, but I was turned off by the texture and didn't enjoy it. Maybe they would work on cheeseburgers? Or not.

Monday, March 06, 2006

The highlight of my day.

The highlight of my day was when I picked up some guy's keys. He was walking in front of me on the sidewalk in Toronto and there were holes in the pockets of his coat and his keys fell out and landed right in front of me.

Why was this a highlight? Because he was so grateful. I was his saviour. WHen I handed him the keys he burst into a tarnished-gold tooth grin and exclaimed in an accent which could have come from any one of a dozen european countries: "Thank you SO much Girlie. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."

I told him you're welcome and it was no problem. (and it wasn't - can you imagine anyone who would have just kicked the keys aside and kept on going?)

He proceded to elaborate on how, had I not handed himn his keys, he wouldn't have been able to get into his house and, because of a bad back, he couldn't walk very far.

Glad I could help.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

Mom and Baby Jen

So I was looking through some photos and I found this one. Yup, that's my mom. And that peacefully sleeping infant with the incredible jello neck is me.

Can you believe that I can't even fall asleep on the GoTrain? Sheesh, it looks like the stroller is severing my head.
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