Sunday, October 28, 2007

Girl's Night Out. (and why we should always bring a male with us)

The following is a transcript of the interaction we had at the end of the night after the one male we had in our group left for the night:

Nearly deserted Lion's Head Pup in Hamilton, INT. Approximately 2 am. Four women, V, B, A, and ME, sitting around the table. None of us are drunk enough for the encounter that is about to take place.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Hey ladies, I hope you don't mind me asking but how old are you ladies?

V,B,A and Me go around the table and stupidly give our real ages (all between 26 and 28).

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: (seemingly pleased that we are legal): The reason I ask is that my friend and I think you ladies are very attractive.

V,B,A and Me giggle nervously

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: (indicates scraggly friend): This here's Pirate Man. You seen that Pirate's of the Carribean? Well this here's the Pirate of the Carribean. This here's Johnny Depp.

JOHNNY DEPP does bad drunken pirate impression.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING:: You girls wanna dance?

A: It's not really that type of atmosphere. Nothing personal.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Nothing sexual. We just want you girls to have a good time. (pats ME on shoulder) I feel like you girls are like my daughters. I'm just dear ol' dad here.

V,B and ME loudly compare wedding rings. A unfortunately doesn't have one.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: (reaches across the table and grabs A's hand): You especially, your beauty just penetrates.

A: Penetrates what?

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Any you girls wanna dance?

A: As I said before, not really that type of bar.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Nothin sexual just making sure you girl's have a good time. Say I never got your names.

V,B,A and ME go around the table and stupidly give our real names.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: That's okay I understand if you don't give your real names. I'm Howard the Duck and this here's Johnny Depp, the Pirate of the Carribean.

Me: Howard the Duck? That's an obscure reference.

B: I was a just a kid when that movie came out.

V: Yeah, that's kind of before our time.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Say, can I ask you, can I ask you ladies. Any of you wanna dance?

B: I don't like this music.

V: No thank you.

A: No.

ME: We really don't want to dance!

JOHNNY DEPP: Nothin' sexual.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: (inches closer to me on bench, I move away, he inches closer again) We ain't trying to pick you's up, we just want you ladies to have a good time.

ME: You go ahead and dance. Don't let us stop you.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING and JOHNNY DEPP get up and do a weird homo-erotic chicken dance around the bar. CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING makes a point of flexing his muscles.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: They're alot smaller than when I was young. We're old men compared to you girls.

V, B, A, and ME nod our heads in agreement.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING sits down again and squeezes my thigh.

I look away and pretend I don't notice. Attempt to shake him off by crossing my legs.

CREEPY DRUNK 40-SOMETHING: Aren't you girl's pleased to have met Johnny Depp this evening.

JOHNNY DEPP tries to hold V's hand.

A: Well it's getting late.

ME: Yes! Let's go!

V (stands): Nice to meet you guys, bye.

V,B,A and ME leave quickly, rush to the parking lot and drive off. As we're passing the bar on our way home, we see the creepy guys are out on the sidewalk, looking for us. Thankfully, we made it to our vehicle just in time to avoid further harassment.

Other than that it was a fun night. Note: When bar-hopping in Hamilton, always bring a male chaperone.


Adam Filipowicz said...

next time.. you ask them to leave.. and if they grab your thigh you slug em.. :)

Super Happy Jen said...

You fail to understand that most women most women have an instinct to be polite, even when dealing with extreme losers.

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Eric's Mommy said...

EEWW! How creepy, glad you got out of there okay and they didn't try to follow you home!

Chinachix said...

well, Halloween's just a few days away...nust be their idea of a very lame trick :)... good thing there's safety in numbers

Amie said...

In my experience girls have a talent for making men uncomfortable in such situations WITHOUT being rude. Of course you might just have to be rude if the men are really drunk. It is potentially a dangerous situation and you don't need a man to tell a couple of creeps that you don't want them at your table!

~Becca~ said...


If I were there, I don't think their "penetrable" parts would have been very comfortable.

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