Insecure Writer's Support Group - Insecure Artist

Well it's the first Wednesday of the month, time to open up my fragile psyche and expose my insecurities.  I write but I also paint so I'm insecure in all kinds of mediums.  As many of you know, I recently started work at an art store.  My boss is a painter herself (much more talented than I).  The store is filled with paintings of people, landscapes, fruit and flowers, all created in a beautifully naturalistic style.  She works in oil, acrylic, and water colour with equal skill.  Working there made me want to paint again.

To say that my style is different would be an understatement. I have ideas that must be put on paper, but even after four years of university art courses my work never achieved the realism evident in boss lady's work.  Both the girl and the wolf in the above painting were traced from a photograph.  Emphasis on ideas over style. It's like my writing in that way.  Whatever else my work might be, it isn't flowery.

So I assume that if my boss saw one of my paintings she would hate it.  My writing too, probably.

Insecure Writers....Get a Writer's Group!

So it's insecure writers' support group day (actually it's the end of insecure writer's support group day and I almost missed it because I'm scatterbrained).  Anyway, I just came back from writer's group.  If you're a writer, and you don't have a writer's group, get one.  Every three weeks I meet with five supportive, skilled and talented people.  Our meetings are an equal mix of socializing, constructive critique, and patting each other on the back.  All three are important for writers (and mothers).

I go to the group feeling like my work sucks, and leave feeling like a real author.  No, they don't sugar coat their critiques, but no one's as bad as my inner voice.  In the end, I know that I must be good to belong in the company of such wonderfully brilliant people.

Two of my writer's group friends have books that you may purchase (and I encourage you to do so).

Linda Cassidy's poetry book Inland Waterways can be purchased here (just scroll down a bit on their page).

Siobhan Minty's ebook A Gay in the Life of Melinda Finch can be purchased here or here. 

How to write (and raise two small children)

Today is insecure writer’s support group day, so I thought I’d write something that will (hopefully) help writers and mothers alike.  Like any mom and writer, I struggle with feelings of inadequacy.  I feel like I’m either neglecting my writing or my children or both.  Nevertheless, I have been doing this a while and I have some tips to share that might help other writers and/or mothers in my situation.  (These tips are in no particular order).

Tip # 1  Use indoor playgrounds as your office.  I watch for coupons for these places because I have neither the desire nor the funds to pay full price.  The kids have fun, get exercise, and require minimal supervision because there are no roads to run into or creepy men who came without a child. Most indoor playgrounds have WiFi, which is unfortunate for those of us who find the web a distraction.  Also when it gets busy, it gets loud.  The morning is the best time to go for low crowds.  Anyway, even writing with a little background noise is better than hearing “Mommy” every five minutes.


Tip # 2.  Let things slide.  Chores that will not get done when I’m on a good streak with my writing include (but are not limited to): laundry, dishes, general tidying, cooking dinner, grocery shopping, walking the dog, washing my hair, washing my children.  If you’re worried about visitors, know that no one will disown you if you have a messy house (at least, no one important).  Children, of course, do need love and attention (and food) but they will whine when they are not getting enough, so there’s no need to worry.

Tip # 3.  TV is not evil.  If you’ve ever sat down and watched television for preschoolers you know that it is educational to the point of being vomit-inducing.  Through schmarmy plots about love and friendship they are learning about science, reading, math, geography, history.  You name it.  And they do retain the information.  If you don’t believe me, have a conversation with my four-year-old. When I don’t have the money or energy for indoor play places, the tube helps me get my quota.

Tip #4. Remember that it is good for your children to see you doing things for yourself.  I do not want my kids (particularly my daughter) to grow up thinking that they have to put everyone else before themselves.  I want them to follow their dreams, and do what makes them passionate.  The best way to do this is to lead by example.

Tip # 5.  Have a writing quota.  And make it fairly small.  My quota is 500 words.  If I kill myself I can make it.  A lot of writers  have quotas of 1000 or even 2000.  Well La Tee Da.  Those writers don’t have small children to take care of.

Tip # 6. Make a “Winner List” and a “Super Star List”.  This one I borrowed from Margie Lawson. A winner list is for things you must get done today (make it small and achievable) and the super star list is for things you would like to get done if you have time.  I don’t always keep up with this, but when I do it really helps.

Tip #7.  Write a sentence at a time.  Including thinking and typing, it takes me about two hours to get my quota.  I don’t always have two hours at a stretch, so sometimes I take ten minutes and write a sentence (sometimes even half a sentence) whenever I get the chance. Sometimes, I find I have more time than I thought I did and I get an hour when I thought I only had ten minutes. (More often it works the other way around).

Tip #8.  Don’t beat yourself up.  This is the hardest thing of all.  I read over the first three tips and thought “I sound like the worst mother in the world.”   I feel guilty when my laptop sits unopened for three days, and even guiltier when I get my writing done while the offspring enjoy their third viewing of Ratatouille. I write for myself, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about not doing it.  I need to do things for myself, so I shouldn’t feel guilty about doing it either. (Neither should you).

Peruse the links below for more insecure writers writing about their struggles.