Sunday, April 27, 2008

Attack of the lobster people

Like the nerdy couple we are, Adam and I occasionally amuse ourselves by writing revolving stories. The revolving story is an exercise for campfires, sixth-grade school assignments and date-nights with hubby. One person starts the story, then the next person continues, then the first person continues that, and so on. Normally this results in a nonsensical poorly-punctuated tale that is only amusing to the writers themselves, but every once in a while one comes up with gems like this:

One day Adam and Jen were relaxing in their condo when suddenly Adam looked out the window and said, “honey, check out that weird light in the sky!”
Jen looked where Adam was pointing and saw a glowing green disk surrounded by 12 evenly-spaced pink lights. The object was coming closer and closer to their condo until it landed in the parking lot below. They turned on the tv to the security channel to see what the security old guys were going to do.. and then Sam a new guard went outside and asked the ship to move as it was not allowed to park there.. but the door to the ship opened and smoke and gas exited from it.. a few steps appeared and a silhouette of someone or something appeared.
It was a woman with a head in the shape of a lobster. The lobster-woman reached out her claws and snapped off Sam’s name tag, then she reached for his nose, but Sam ducked away just in time.
Adam decided he couldn’t just stand by and watch Sam be attacked by the lobster woman. So he made a zip glide out of bedsheets and slid down. Unfortuantely Adam miscalculated how many bedsheets it would take to slide down.. he only used 3 which only reached to the 6th floor.. and he slipped off the end and hit the ground hard.. luckily his Adam’antium coated skelton saved his ass.. (once again) . he got up and ran over to lobster chick and guard guy.. and grabbed the lobster chick by the claw and swung her over the building.. he then ran for cover .. thinking some new fangled weapon would appear..
Unfortunately all this was just a diversion, planned by the lobster minions to distract Adam and Jen while her lobster minions snuck into William’s room and kidnapped him. He was the perfect human baby and they needed the perfect human baby to power their lobstertonian reactor.
The lobster minions looked half lobster, half spider monkey. They stashed William in a special crate and quickly darted him into the ship.. without Jennifer noticing as she was involved in a complicated Japanese game of riddle and puzzle solving.. William screened and cried. And then Jen heard him and she dove out the window.. without a second thought.. well until she was airborn and could think about what she just did.. and just then she disappeared.. Adam saw Jen go poof and thought she must be in league with the lobster people.
He was heartbroken and began wallowing in self-pity. Then he got over it and constructed a spaceship to follow them using his colour television, the voicebox out of one of william’s talking toys, the washing machine, and the bedroom ceiling fan. It was a crude design, only reaching a max of warp 3. the only issue with the new ship was protection from the elements.. so he grabbed some plastic ceran wrap to protect his eyes while traveling. He also grabbed his gps and quickly entered all star charts currently known with his left hand as he was shifting from warp 1,2,3 with his right.. Adam was gaining on them quickly and then made contact and leaped from his ship and grabbed hold of a latch on the alien ship with suction cup hands
Meanwhile, Jen had already infiltrated the Lobster queen’s lair and was looking under her bed for William. She then looked in her closet, which was filled with garlic butter (for an unrelated ritual). That gives me an idea, thought Jen. She heated the garlic butter to the boiling point using a ray gun she found under the bed. Then pored it all over herself in a weird yet attractive.. way similar to a MTV rapper video.. anyways.. she decided she needed a shower as the garlic was getting to her.. but as she went looking for a shower.. the lobster peeps spotted her and rang the “Awoooga” alarm system.. she ran for it.. and was call for William but then remember she could just email William on his new blackberry.. and so she did.. William responded quickly and said that he had gained control of the main computer with his cranial diaper.
Just then Adam came through the window. He came right to where Jen was because he had been weirdly attracted by the garlic butter incident (her plan all along). Then they teamed up and went to central command to meet baby William. Jen still had a container of garlic butter so they could eat any lobster people they happened to kill on the way. As they ran together they tackled one helpless lobster lad and immediately started to rip off his claw arms and dip them in garlic then munch away.. a good hour was spent but they didn’t seem to mind.. thinking to themselves that its healthy to eat meals in regular intervals rather then skip them.. William was getting impatient and new they were depriving him of food and started wailing and bugging the lobster people.. to the point that thet let him loose in the halls just to get a break.. thankfully Adam and Jen had saved William a lobster claw.
When they had all finished eating they left the ship and boarded Adam’s homemade space vessel. “But what about the lobstertonian reactor?” asked Jen. “Surely they’ll come back looking for a way to power it.”
“Fear not mother,” said William. “I destroyed the reactor using a rather potent poopy.”
“Good job!” said Adam. And they traveled back to earth. And stopped in to buy a top of the line very large Plasma television that Jen said Adam could buy if he ever saved there lives.. Adam was pleased and they all lived Happily every after.

The end.

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