My massive pupils

Yesterday I went to LasikMD to get my eyes poked, photoed, measured, and otherwise tested to find out if I'm a good candidate for laser eye surgery. Depending on your eyes the surgery is supposed to cost anywhere from 800 to 4000 dollars, and they don't tell you which until they've done the tests. So I went. I told myself, Jen, if it's 4000 we're going to wait until we have more money saved up, but for 2000 or under, we'll do it. Whatever you say Jen, says I.

So I got these tests. They eye doctor says I have larger than average sized pupils and he wrote HUGE PUPILS on my chart.

ME: Does this mean I have to get the über-expensive version?
DOC: It's up to you. Let me explain. (Shows me eyeball pictures). For larger pupils the surgeon will have to make a larger flap, which means he has to cut lower down or something. (okay, so these aren't exact quotes). We'll have no problem correcting your vision with standard lasik, but you'll have a higher chance of getting halos around lights when you drive at night.

ME: What kind of chance?
DOC: Well everyone gets halos at first, but they go away. A small percentage have these permanently. You're probably, like, 1 in 1500 instead of 1 in 100 000.

ME: So then I just get more lasik and fix it right?
DOC: Um, no. You're stuck with the halos. But if we to the über-expensive version we can eliminate that risk.

ME: What do you think I should do?
DOC: This isn't doctor knows best anymore. It's your decision. If your pupils were so large that I didn't think we could do it I would say "Don't do it". We could do standard and it would probably be fine, but you do have a higher chance of getting halos than normally pupiled people.

COST:
For standard, possibly halo-inducing, surgery: $2093
For über-expensive, custom fit to my massive pupils, surgery: $4045

Appointment for surgery (either one, it's up to me): May 27

Last Day

Today is my final day interning at Today's Parent, after which I'll be back to back to sitting around the apartment all day "jobsearching". Some of the editors took me out to lunch which was nice. It shows they're not totally disappointed in my internerifficness (or else they wanted to celebrate my departure).

I have one fact-checking article not done. It irks me because I know it would reflect well on me to have everything completed, but the sources just will not call me back. I only hope I'm not remembered as the intern that couldn't get it all done.

Someone just randomly brought in a baby. Happens here a lot. I can hear the editor-in-chief and some other eds gushing over her. We like babies.

A dream combo with a new kind of chicken.

If my first dream Adam took me to an outdoor food court. I wasn't expecting to go there and I kept asking him why we were there. We sat down at a long table and some of Adam's relatives joined us. Adam sat across from me but he got up to get something and his mother took his place. I wanted to say that she was in Adam's seat, but didn't want to be impolite. There was KFC on the table, but it was white meat (actually it looked like boneless chicken breasts) and I like dark. I took one anyway to be polite. When I cut into the chicken, all kinds of vegetables came out. I was startled by this even in the dream, but I assumed this was just a new kind of KFC.

In my second dream I was friends with a "man" (I put man in quotes because he looked more like a teenager). He was in love with me but of course I wasn't interested because I'm married to Adam. One time I woke up and he was there instead of Adam. I think maybe I thought it was Adam, because why would this other man be in our bed? Or maybe I just didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings by making a big deal. I was telling this guy about my dream (the one above) and I could tell he wasn't really listening. He was jealous, I think, because Adam was in the dream.

Later, I was in the washroom combing my hair and brushing my teeth and stuff. Someone came in. Sounds weird, but I think it was my wife and daughter. She (my wife?) said "No matter what happens, I'm with you." I couldn't find my necklace but I left the washroom anyway because I was sure that I'd been accused of something horrible. I thought someone had been murdered.

The man who was in love with me was a kindergarten teacher. One of the kids' projects had been ruined and everyone thought that I had done it. "Do you really think an adult did this?" I asked. Another teacher suggested I talk to the man who was in love with me about it. I said that I honestly didn't think this warranted a response. I talked to some of the children anyway, they were talking about their projects and weren't saying anything useful. I must have been a man at this point because I didn't want to explain to the children that I thought their teacher was in love with me. I thought he might get in trouble if people found out he was gay.

So that's that. I welcome any sort of analysis of those.

Today I'm working at the TO Kids Show for Today's Parent. It will be tedious to get to (all the way out near the airport) but I'll get paid, and have an excuse not to wear my pjs today. Next week is my last week of doing my internship. It feels like I just started, but I learned stuff so it was good. I'll have two short articles in TP in September, one on lice and the other on dinner assembly places. So check it out.

Facts and Truths (of the moment)

The Express train is not faster than other trains, it just has more need to express itself.

There are dozens of trains leaving Burlington for Toronto between the hours of 6:45 and 8 am. Regardless of which one you take, you will arrive at Union Station at 8:45.

Folic acid may help prevent neural tube defects if a woman takes it at least 4 months before she even thinks about getting pregnant.

There is no SIDS Canada. The Canadian Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (CFSID) can be found at sidscanada.org

The Rogers building, which houses Today's Parent, has an outdoor patio on the 10th floor, with a gorgeous view of the city.

The editor-in-chief of Today's Parent stopped eating bread for passover.

To have laser eye surgery with TLC in Toronto costs approximately $5600 for both eyes.

It's difficult to stick to a healthy diet when there's a cream egg melting on your coffee table.

Let this be your last Battlefield

A week or so ago I signed up for 2 different employment agencies (don't tell, they both think I'm being exclusive). Today one of them called me and asked if I wanted to work today day for 10$/hr doing something brainless. Sure! I'll do anything for money (within reason).

So I went off to Battlefield Graphics to see what kind of boringness they had for me. Of course I had to take the bus because there were no cars to be had. I was supposed to be there at 1 so I left home at noon. Plenty of time, right? Except the bus didn't come until 12:45! GAH! And when I told the bus driver where I was going he told me that his bus only goes that far during rush hour. Double GAH! The bus driver phoned me a "dial-a-ride". What's this, says I. It's a taxi.

The bus driver took me as close to my destination as his route would permit (I was the only one on the bus btw), then chucked me at the GO station, where I waited for my knight in yellow armor to rescue me. By that time it was 1:02. By the time the taxi arrived it was 1:10. I gave the knight my transfer (I'd never heard of this dial-a-ride thing before today but the cabbies must get reimbursed by the city, I guess.) By the time I got there it was 1:15. I hate being late! But noone else appeared to notice/care.

I spent the next four hours gluing CDs about depression into books about depression, then the final three hours glue-gunning fluffy dusters onto signs proclaiming the fabulousness of the miracle fluffy dusters. THE END.


Technorati Tags: temping, dusters, depression

Omi legends

Yesterday I went to the movies today with my family, including my slightly senile grandmother. Omi grew up in germany during the war. Every once in a while she randomly spouts family legends, which may or may not be accurate.

Here's a list of the ones I remember:

• Omi always wanted to be a gym teacher. She was very good at gym class until the war when she had to leave school. It was a different time, you see.
• She doesn't like meat that much because her mother once gave her a stick and made her kill one of her father's rabbits. It was a different time, and they were hungry.
• Omi and her cousins used to have to run along the roof tops to escape the "bad men". War brings out the worst in people, she says.
• Omi used to bring food to her father in a Russian prison. One time some men attacked her and after that she sent one of her brothers instead. It was a different time, and war brings out the worst in people.
• Before dating my grandfather, Omi went out with with another boy who was very nice. Her friend saw them together in the movie theatre and said: "I thought he was your brother." After that, she was so embarrassed she never went out with that boy again.
• Omi and Opa met at a dance class. She liked him because he was tall and handsome. They both had other partners in the class, but Opa asked her out anyway. Scandalous!
• Opa promised Omi a wedding in a Catholic church. They went to see a priest who asked them to sign something promising that all their children would be raised in the Catholic faith. Opa said "I don't even have any children yet and you want me to sell them all to you" and he walked out.
• They were married in Belleville. They didn't have enough money, or something, to rent space in the church, so the minister gave them a nice ceremony in his home.
• When Mom was younger she used to ride her bicycle to meet Omi at work and they would ride the bus home together. Mom was such a good girl.
• My mother and father met because of cards. My Dad wanted to play cards and my Mom wanted to study. So my Mom said, "Let's study first, and then we can play cards!"
• When I was younger I used to drive the car and sing. Omi wishes she could sing, but she can't.
• Last week Omi went with my Uncle John to the new Casino in Niagra Falls. You have no idea how beautiful it is. Omi won more than her son. She got all her money back and won a hundred dollars. I'm smart, so I would win too if I went.

So now you know my grandmother. If all these stories are true, she's a pretty amazing lady. Of course they're not, but she's a neat lady anyway. Too bad about the alzeimers.

BTW: I'd like to draw your attention to http://pupsickle.blogspot.com/ the blogger who is currently renting space on my sidebar. Because we all know that being associated with my blog will generate SO much traffic. Pupsickle is a funny word, so why not visit that site?

Technorati Tags: alzeimer's, Omi, stories

I have great ideas

So I was at a brainstorming meeting at Today's Parent where everyone (including the super happy underling) had to present story ideas for an upcoming issue (a themed issue, but I won't say what theme because I never know what info would be considered top secret insider stuff).

I was so nervous this morning because my second worse fear (after heights) is people thinking I'm stupid. (Now all my internet fans are going to think I'm stupid for being so paranoid and insecure, but oh well). Anyway, since this is the first thing anyone's asked me to do that involves some creative brain power, my insecurities came to the surface.

It turns out my fears were just as stupid as you think. The editor-in-chief (big kahuna) said "great idea" when my idea was presented. (I didn't have to be the one to read it, Thank Worf). It's not for sure they'll use it but it was definitely well received.

I'm not stupid! Yippee!

Technorati Tags: fears, stupid, Today's Parent, heights

An even more horrid disease.

This morning when I woke up I noticed a strange growth growing from the sides of my face. The doctor at the walk-in clinic said that my condition is probably related to the shingles I had last week. Shingles and this rare condition "chicken lumps" are both caused by the chicken pox virus. He gave me some anti-viral medicine that costs even more than the shingles pills! He also advised me not too scratch the growth. But it's super itchy!