It is now 11 o'clock. Morty has been here since 8:30 and he's already puked on the carpet. I was nursing my cranky teething baby and thus confined to a rocking chair when Morty trotted in and began heaving. For those of you who have seen a dog throw-up, you'll know they do it in slow motion.
First the heaving, like every muscle their body is working together to dislodge this hunk of ... whatever. And you're thinking: "He's about to puke! Oh no! I should do something. But what? I'll look for something to catch the puke in. Oh, too late." Or in my case: "If only I wasn't confined to this rocking chair."
Now, to a human, the sight and smell of ones own vomit is so repulsive, it has been known to make one vomit again. But a dog will eat anything. Anything. Most likely the reason Morty tossed his cookies in the first place. You'd think they'd learn. But then again, if hurling meant I got a tasty snack, instead of a gross puddle of disgusting barf, I might want to do it more often. Normally I would make some attempt to prevent the re-eating of previously evacuated stomach contents. However, as I was concentrating on my cranky teething baby, and thus confined to a rocking chair, I could only utter a half-hearted "No Morty" while the Jackapoo devoured a hunk of up-chuck about the size of his head.
Now both baby and puppy are asleep (baby in his crib and Morty at my feet) and the day is getting better already. Oh here's a fun quiz to see if you were paying attention: How many different words/phrases meaning "puke" did I use in this blog entry? List them all in the comments session if you are so inclined, and let me know if I missed any.
And if you're still looking to waste time, try this random movie quote generator:
Lions and tigers and Morty, oh my!