Who has a penis?

Conversation with my son as he peed in the toilet:

"That's my penis."
"It sure is."
"Daddy have a penis?"
"That's right, Daddy has a penis."
"Mommy have a penis?"
"No, I don't have a penis. I'm a girl. Girl's don't have penises."
"Zia not have a penis."
"That's right. Jadzia doesn't have a penis."
"Frogs have a penis?"
"If it's a boy frog, I guess so."
"Spiders have a penis?"
"That I'm not so sure about. Bugs are very different than us. I'll have to look it up for you."
"I will have a candy?"
"Wash your hands first."

In case anyone's interested, the answer is no, spiders do not have penises. When they urinate, it's a solid (because their bodies can't afford to lose too much water) and it comes out the same hole as their poop. When they mate, their man juice comes out of a modified mouthpart (so I guess they only have oral). Male frogs do have a penis-like organ, but it's inside the body. I'm not sure if they pee out of it though.

Underwear: Day 2

This morning William woke up and wanted to wear his underwear immediately. I opted to skip our usual trip to the Early Years Centre in favour of pee patrol. I asked him often whether he needed to go pee, and about every forty minutes to an hour I staged a mandatory bathroom trip. Each time he would stand in front of the toilet and let loose a satifying stream of urine and he didn't have one pee-accident all morning.

Unfortunately, I can't say the same about number two. The good news is that his Transformers underwear contained the toddler excrement quite nicely. A relief, since he was sitting on our beige sofa at the time. The bad news is that I was stuck cleaning partially digested grapes out of my child's tightie whities.

I put William in a clean pair of underwear, rinsed out the stinky ones, threw them in the wash, declogged my sink, and washed my hands three times. William stayed dry for the rest of the morning.

Just after lunch, I took him to the washroom and put him in a pull-up in anticipation of nap time. Then I fed Jadzia and put her in a crib. In all, William was in his pull-up for about ten minutes. So of course he pooed in it.

I had just taken him to the potty but, being a boy, he's all gung ho about standing to pee and not so thrilled about sitting on the toilet to do his business. Whatever, I'm just glad the second one was in a pull-up. I'm told that children are toilet trained for pee long before the get poo, but I'm highly motivated to minimize future underwear messes.

I haven't decided yet what my plan is for the afternoon. Should we try undies at my parents' house this evening?

In any case, I'm calling this morning's toilet training another great success.

Underwear: Day 1

Yesterday I asked William if he wanted to wear big boy underwear like Daddy, he excitedly answered "Um, Okay!" So this morning, before my husband went to work, we took a family trip to "the Underwear Store" (aka Zellers). We made a big deal out of letting him pick out his new undies and he studied each package, exclaiming "Look at this underwear!" and "What's this one Mommy?" Finally he settled on a pack of Transformers undies (odd since he doesn't watch the show), with my husband quickly tossing some Cars and Thomas the Tank Engine packs in the cart aswell.

On the way home William told me "I like the underwear store Mommy."

When we got home, I was all gung ho and asked if he wanted to put his new underwear on right away. "No, I will not wear underwear," he replied. "I will have watermelon."

So we had a snack, then we read some books, then I fed Jadzia. While I was occupied with his sister, William pooed in his pull-up.
"Let's change your diaper," said I.
"Noooooo! I will not change diaper." Meltdown.
I counted to five, ready to pick him up and carry him to the washroom, when he suddenly calmed himself and marched toward the bathroom, chanting "I will wear underwear. Underwear in the washroom."

After I'd cleaned his bum, he peed in the potty man-style. I offered him his Transformer underwear first, since that was the one he picked. Once he had them on he said "No, I will not wear Transformers underwear. I will wear racecar underwear."
So I helped him take the Transformers briefs off and slip on a pair of Cars undies.
"No, I will not wear racecar underwear. I will wear Thomas underwear."
Fine, whatever. I helped him put the Thomas the Tank Engine ones on. I expected him to change his mind again, but this time William seemed satisfied with his choice.


He ran around the coffee table excitedly for about twenty seconds, then exclaimed "I'm hungry." It was almost lunch time, so I fixed some zoodles while William munched on a yogurt appetizer. When the food was ready, I noticed that William was not sitting at the table wear I'd left him. He was in his room. So was about a gallon of pee.

"Did you pee on the floor?" I asked him and he responded by slipping and falling on the wet mess. I told him it was okay and accidents happen sometimes and next time he felt like he needed to pee to please tell me (a repeat of the same speech I'd given him about a hundred times before the underwear excursion began). Then I rescued his books from the edge of the puddle (he'd managed not to pee directly on any of them) and wiped the floor with a towel.

I helped William change his underwear, though the ones he was wearing were only barely wet. Then we had lunch and I let William play on my computer for a bit. He had about an hour of dry underwear time before it was time for nap.

"Your underwear is dry, good for you!" I exclaimed. I asked him if he would like to sit on the potty. "No." Then I asked him if he would like to pee in the potty. "No." I asked him eight more different ways if he was sure. "No." I suggested we put a diaper on him so he doesn't pee on the bed. "No, no, no, no," he said and ran out of the washroom and went straight to the bedroom and sat on his bed.

I told him he could wear his underwear to bed, as long as he came and got me if he needed to pee, and he didn't pee on his sheets. At that moment he got a faraway look in his eyes and wet splotch formed under him. Gah! I carried him to the toilet, pulled off his underwear and put a pull-up on him. Then I changed his bedding. Okay, maybe I said the word "pee" too many times, but it all seemed rather premeditated to me.

I told him I understand that he is just learning and apologized for getting frustrated. Then we read stories and he went to sleep, in a pull-up. This afternoon we're going out, so I'll forego the big-boy undies until tomorrow. I'm calling this morning a success.

Cuteness and Momhandling

Above is a picture of my children climbing on me. Note, I am not holding William up, but rather guiding his body so he doesn't break his neck (or hit his sister) as he leaps over my shoulder. Below is a video of Jadzia eating a peach (co-starring William also eating a peach). It's cute. This is my life, a mixture of cuteness and manhandling. Children love with all their strength. They love by crashing into you running full speed, by leaping on and over you, climbing on you, offering tight strangle hugs, pulling hair, pinching faces. (Those last two refer to Jadzia). At the end of the day, I'm exhausted from all the love.

Real Life Timmies Drama

Tonight Adam and I went and saw the 7:30 showing of District 9, an action-packed documentary-style sci fi, that left me thinking I should learn more about world politics to appreciate all the metaphors (and left my husband wanting his own robot suit). Good movie.

Of course the real world is far more exciting because, when we stopped at Tim Horton's afterwards, we saw a drunk guy passed out at a table! Drama at its finest, and unlike District 9, this was happening right in front of our eyes.

We sipped hot chocolate and munched on blueberry and boston cream donuts, keeping one ear open to staff's discussions. First, about who was going to clean up the man's vomit, and later, whether they should call the cops.

Finally the cops did arrive. Two guys, looking burly in their bullet proof vests, and wearing gloves (I assume because vomit was involved).
"What's your name?" asked the cops, over and over, "How old are you?"
I couldn't hear the man's response, or even whether he responded, but eventually they figured out that his name was Adam (about which my husband Adam was just tickled pink).

When they couldn't get anything useful out of Drunk Adam, an ambulance droved up outside and in came two female paramedics, with walkie talkies and green scissors in their utility belts. They tried basically the same thing as the cops did, which was to say "Hey Adam, how old are you?" in various different ways. Drunk Adam looked to be in his mid twenties, old enough to drink but young enough to get carded at the liquor store. The paramedics also asked Drunk Adam where he lived, but that wasn't nearly as interesting to them as his age.

I guess they suddenly realized that this guy wasn't going to stand up and walk out, because right then one of the paramedics said "we'll be right back" and they both went outside and got the stretcher out of the ambulance.

The cops and the paramedics then worked together to lift Drunk Adam onto the stretcher. Drunk Adam didn't seem to notice or care that he was being wheeled away, but perhaps he was just happy to have somewhere more comfy to sleep than the chairs at Tim Hortons.

Then Drunk Adam got into a giant robot suit and started blowing people up with his ray gun. No, actually nothing else happened, we went home.

If we had a million dollars...we'd be rich

Every time money gets a little tight it inevitably leads to a budget discussion. As in, what would we do if we had millions of dollars in our budget. Adam and I were having such a conversation last night. I'd decided that I wanted live a modest suburban life, while using most of my money to travel. But where to go first?

To engage him in our conversation, I asked William: "Where would you go?"

He replied, "Zoe's house."

I thought he'd misunderstood my question. We'd just gone to his friend Zoe's house that day and sometimes I ask him to recap recent events. So I clarified. "No, I mean if you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?"

"Um, I know, the park!"

So this morning we went to the park. This is where you'd expect something shmultzy about the best things in life being free, except we had to cut William's dream gettaway short because he refused to stop throwing rocks at me. Turns out he did this because he was thirsty (a logical response for a two and a half year old). So we went home and had some water. And he threw his cup across the room. Now I'm not sure what the moral of this story is.

The Adventures of a Napping Toddler

William normally naps at 1 pm. Today:

Went to a playdate/baby shower. Stayed until 2:30 pm.

William fell asleep in the car.

Got home. Saw a note on the door from my Mom and remembered that I was supposed to pick up Morty the Jackapoo to look after while my parents are at the cottage.

Drove to my parents'. William stayed asleep.

Put Morty in the car. Jadzia shrieked happily. Morty whimpered. William stayed asleep.

Drove home again. Tried to convince Morty to go outside so I could put William to bed. He refused.

Carried William to his room while Morty was leaping on me. William stayed asleep.

Noticed that William's bed had no sheets or pillow. Remembered he had wet the bed the night before.

Lay him down anyway. He woke up briefly, stared at me, then rolled over and went back to sleep.

Got Jadzia from the car. (I know, I know, but she was only alone in the car for a minute). Put her in the exersaucer.

Morty licked her face immediately. She cried. William still did not wake up.

In other news: Today Jadzia got her first taste of chocolate cake, which she stole from one of William's girlfriends.

Also: On the way to the playdate, I saw a woman walking her cat on a leash.

Play dates rule

After yesterday's incident with the outlet it was nice to have a bunch of women around who can relate to having a two and a half year old. Today's festivities included: eating timbits, eating cookies, eating animal crackers, playing with toys, playing with balls, fighting over balls, holding Jadzia, baking a pretend cake, throwing magnets, shrieking, practicing indoor screaming, jumping on William's car bed, reading a book, eating noodles, throwing noodles on the carpet, watching Cars.

I can see why children nap, they make four hours seem like ten. Still, it was oddly relaxing having three extra toddlers running around my house, while we Moms sat on the couch in the eye of the hurricane. My friend Columbia calls me "Zen Mommy" because I'm always so calm and don't let things phase me. In reality I'm only calm with my Mommy friends around. They remind me that I'm not alone in the universe.

Electrified toddler

This afternoon I was on my computer, as I often am, while my children played in the dining room. Only Jadzia was within sight, but I could tell that William was only a few feet away from her, chatting merrily in his sing-song voice. Since she started crawling, Jadzia tends to follow her brother around like a loyal henchman. I was feeling quite proud of myself for remembering to close the basement door, when suddenly a bunch of things happened at once:

My computer abruptly shut down.
I heard a loud pop, accompanied by a spark, from underneath the dining room table.
My son began wailing.

I rushed to the dining room and grabbed an histerical William into my arms. The room smelled like burnt plastic.

When William was first born, we went around our condo putting safety outlet covers on all the outlets, anticipating a time when he would be crawling and getting into everything. Our efforts were in vain. He got into everything, except outlets. Apparently they aren't that exciting to an infant. When we moved into our house a year ago we didn't bother. For one thing that's a lot of outlets to replace, way more than we had in our condo. And for another, with all the dangerous appliances, sharp corners, and stairs, we thought the outlet covers were the least of our worries.

Now that William is two-and-a-half, he understands a lot more. And he's observant. Like he's seen me lock and unlock the front door enough times to know that a key is meant to be shoved into a hole.

So now the outlet in the dining room has a tiny explosion of black soot coming out of it, the same soot covers my son's arm, my keys are sticking out of the outlet, and the power is out in the dining room and family room.

My first thought is if my son is okay. As I'm comforting him I check his arm for burns, I wave my hand in front of his eyes to be sure he can still see, and I ask him questions to be sure he can hear me. I think about taking him to a doctor, but he seems completely fine once he calms down.

Next, I yank my keys out of the outlet and hang them up high, then I run downstairs and flick the breaker. Then I grab my son, tell him I love him, and burst into tears. I'd always assumed that sticking something metal into an outlet would cause you to die a horrible death by electrocution. I'm not sure how likely that is, but in my mind my son almost died, and it would've been my fault.

Jadzia Stands

She's been taunting me with this one for a while now, grabbing onto furniture, almost pulling herself up only to be distracted at the last minute by an interesting bit of carpet fluff. Today, she finally did it, Jadzia stood up in her crib.

My husband immediately announced that it was time to lower her crib mattress and went and got his tools. Now the walls are about eight feet high (baby feet). I'd like to see her try to stand now!

Algonquin Park Summary 3: Water Water everywhere

Yes, we did have rain, pockets of rain, pockets of sunshine, pockets of rain again. Still we spent lots of time at the beach, swimming and splashing in the cold "refreshing" water. William loved the splashing, so did Jadzia. Hunter was content to stay on the sand perfecting his sandcastle-building skills.

During a pocket of sunshine we optimistically rented a canoe. It began raining immediately. We joked that every time we said the word "canoe" the sky would open up again. We ended up paying for an extra day, so we could actually get some paddling time in. And we did, taking turns enjoying the quiet serenity of the water, spotting some herons, some ducks, and some Canada Geese (who I suspect were also tourists from Burlington).

Algonquin trip summary 2: a family of four in a tent.

When I say that I went camping, people inevidably ask: "Did the kids sleep okay in the tent?" Yes, is the short answer, as in "yes, they did sleep." Our sleeping arrangements were as follows: Jadzia in her playpen, me theoretically on the thermarests but nearly pushed under the playpen by William, William sleeping between me and Adam usually sideways with his arms around my neck and his feet kicking my husband's face.

Jadzia, who seemed determined to keep her regular schedule despite all the camping going on around her, went to bed first. Our ease in getting William to sleep might have something to do with keeping him up hours past his bedtime, roasting marshmallows on the fire. In William's case, "roasting" meant cuddling on someone's lap, with a dazed look in his eyes, holding a marshmallow stick so far away from the flames as to keep them eternally raw. When I offered to roast them for him he exclaimed "No, I will do it!" and when I asked if he wanted to eat the marshmallows he replied "No, marshmallows not done" or "No, marshmallows too hot."

My nephew Hunter seemed to enjoy roasting more than actually eating the marshmallows. He'd roast two at a time, usually offering one of them to my Mom or Dad, or announcing before he started "I'm roasting marshmallows, does anybody want one?" He was always on the quest for the perfect marshmallow.

After the mallows we'd take a long walk to the comfort station to use the washroom and brush our teeth. William was afraid of the loud flushing of the toilet, and would cover his face when I took him into the stall. Once my Mom, Hunter, and William got lost on the way back from the washroom and it was pouring rain and we didn't have a flashlight. Finally we found the camp office, where they gave us a map and directions.

At around ten, ten-thirty, we'd say goodnight, go into the tent, turn on our lantern, change into our pjs, and read a Robert Munsch story from the library anthology we brought with us.
Jadzia didn't wake up during any of this.

She did, however, wake up at six am to the sound of cawing grackles. Jadzia would then wake up me, then William, and then Adam. The adults were more than willing to go back to sleep, but William insisted we leave the tent to "See Hunter" and "Eat breakfast". Of course, once my daughter had woken up the rest of us, she went back to sleep until 9.

Algonquin trip summary 1: Hiking with the gang

My husband is demanding a blog entry summarizing our camping trip. Instead I think I'll write three. The camping-type excursion we engaged in the most was hiking. Each day we went on a different trail, carefully selecting the shortest loops.

All of the trails visited cliffs showing off the majesty of the park. Not being a heights person to begin with, and having a toddler along, I found myself constantly repeating "careful, careful" until my son began chanting "I will be careful. I will not be careful" as he stepped over tree-roots and around mud puddles. I stood between him and the drop-off whenever I could, but I wasn't as freaked out as I thought I would be.

I'd been on most of these hikes when we came here two summers ago, when William was the age Jadzia is now. The quiet serenity of nature was somewhat diminished this time. My family tends to fill any space it inhabits, even the great Algonquin forest. This is a good thing, lots of fun, lots of laughter, lots of love, resulting in a completely different hiking experience.

And a tip: if it has been raining, don't go on the Whiskey Rapids trail. The second half of the loop is a giant mudpie with no way around. You'd think this would be true of all the trails, but the rest were fine despite the rain.

Four Days of Grateful Things

I plan a longer entry after I've downloaded photos and such. I've been away from civilization and internet for four days camping in Algonquin. Of course I must list five things I am grateful for each day, so here's twenty:

marshmallows
sausages
campfire
canoeing
blue herons
the deer in the blueberry field
Adam taking my nephew Hunter fishing twice, and William fishing once
Having a big gang to hike with
Having some moments just my husband and I
My Mom and her electric frying pan
My Dad and his iPod
Herman's Hermits and other oldies
Warm nights
Everyone sleeping okay in the tent
Hunter being so grown up, but still being a kid
Ice cream
S'mores
The beach
A shower
Being home again

William's computer ability

William has been watching me play on the computer since before he could crawl, and more recently he's been playing games by himself. His favourite are the ones on the Sesame Street website, what he calls "The Monster Game". He used to limit himself to games requiring only a keyboard, of which there are very few. Any time a mouse was required he would say "Mommy do it" or, if I was out of the room, scream "MOMMY HELP!"

A couple of days ago, he was busily working through a playlist of games and videos while I was feeding Jadzia in the other room. I listened attentively for the call I was sure I would hear once he reached the mouse game. Instead, I heard Big Bird's cheerful voice praising him for getting the right answer.

I now suspect he's known how to use a mouse for ages, and was pretending just so I would spend time with him. Now that his cover is blown, I can point to anything on the screen and he will click on it.

Today, I left him alone for a minute playing Sesame Street games and, when I came back, he was surfing videos on youtube! (Luckily he only found ones that were family friendly)

Kamping with a K

Kamping at KOA (Kampgrounds of America) is as much like real camping as krabmeat is like real crab. I love krabmeat, it's a lot of fun, but somehow not as authentic as the real thing. Instead of wilderness, our kampground was bordered by suburban houses, cheap motels, and a train track (a freight train drove by periodically).

Though it wasn't exactly Algonquin Park, we had a blast. My parents stayed with my nephew in one tent, with my little family of four in another. Jadzia slept like a dream in the playpen, while William cozied in between Adam and I. Our ease in getting William to sleep may have had something to do with us keeping him up past ten, roasting marshmallows by the fire. I doubt we could have gotten him to bed earlier, though, not with his favourite person in the world along. No, not me, I was talking about his cousin Hunter.

In lieu of hiking and stargazing, we swam in an indoor pool, played in a playground, took a wagon ride and sang karaoke. (Of course I sang the most, but Hunter sang too and now I've got him hooked). Hunter also road a rented big wheel bike and jumped on a giant bouncy pillow. William collected rocks. I think we could take him any place that had a gravel road and he would be happy.

Roughing it

When I first saw "computer" on Mom's packing list, right alongside "marshmallows" and "sleeping bags", I laughed. That is so not camping. Now, here I am, sitting outside in our fold-out camping chair, trying to tune out conversations about firewood, enjoying the fresh air, and blogging.

Adam says that using a computer while camping is "lame" and "defeats the purpose of going camping." He also objects to my Mom's electric frying pan. His humungous expensive camera, along with multiple lenses and tripod, is okay because it is vacation technology.

To come: A full entry on the trip, along with a 30-40 second video of my Dad and husband talking about their toys.

Two videos

Here are two videos that show evidence that my daughter is growing up, despite most of my attention being paid to her brother. The first is of Jadzia crawling, lured by a strategically placed library book. The second video, which shows off her babbling skills, is William's directorial debut.





For those of you viewing this as a note in facebook, it seems facebook imports text and photos but not videos. My facebook friends don't seem to notice what they're missing, like on the previous entry when everyone commented on the photo, without realizing that there was a toddler meltdown video to accompany it. If you're reading this on facebook, go to my blog instead. If you're reading this on my blog, don't worry, you're already here.

The Kind of Day I've Had

PARTY PICS

Jen forgot to post pictures from the event so I felt obligated to help out!
check'm out!