I've gone to the mall several times with my children over the past two weeks, in preparation for our family trip to California. For those of you who don't have children, let me give you some idea of what this entails. There are two reasons that children misbehave: they are tired, or they are hungry.
Children eat every two hours on a normal day, every fifteen minutes during a growth spurt. Whenever I take my kids out, I pack at least twice as much food as I think I'll need. I'll still run out, inevitably, and mall food is as expensive as it is unhealthy. I like to pack sandwiches if we're going to be encroaching on lunchtime, but Jadzia is not crazy about bread, so I give her an applesauce, which means William must have an applesauce as well.
I try to rush from store to store to minimize actual time in the mall. But neither child wants to ride in the stroller for any length of time, so we're usually going at the pace of an easily distractable 17-and-a-half-month old. And of course, when it's finally time to go home, even though we've spent the entire time looking at men's and women's clothing, William will have a meltdown because he doesn't want to leave.
Crying children tend to attract elderly people who come up and say things like "What's a matter cutie?" which tends to stop the tantrum for a moment (just long enough for a wtf face). Once, a little old man followed us all the way through the mall saying "Don't cry. If you cry you will not go home, you will come home with me!" I'm sure he was trying to be helpful, but it just came off as creepy.
So that's what the mall is like with children. (Without even mentioning the toy section and the kiddie rides).
Anyway, I bought Adam a bathing suit for "Father's Day", and today (which is not really Father's Day, don't get excited), the kids and I got up while he was still sleeping and made him breakfast in bed and a card. Eggs (which would've been sunnyside up, except my son cracked the eggs), bacon, and hashbrowns (or what passes for hashbrowns in the frozen food aisle), and toast with jam. Yummy! (The kids and I had Rice Krispies).
Later we had all you can eat Sushi for lunch and went to Walmart where Adam got to fully appreciate what I have to go through to "pick up a few things" with the children (and I got a new bathing suit).
It occurs to me that I should get something for my Dad, this not after all being "Husband's Day". But it's not Father's Day yet, I can think about it while I'm in California. That's right, I know you're jealous.