My massive pupils

Yesterday I went to LasikMD to get my eyes poked, photoed, measured, and otherwise tested to find out if I'm a good candidate for laser eye surgery. Depending on your eyes the surgery is supposed to cost anywhere from 800 to 4000 dollars, and they don't tell you which until they've done the tests. So I went. I told myself, Jen, if it's 4000 we're going to wait until we have more money saved up, but for 2000 or under, we'll do it. Whatever you say Jen, says I.

So I got these tests. They eye doctor says I have larger than average sized pupils and he wrote HUGE PUPILS on my chart.

ME: Does this mean I have to get the über-expensive version?
DOC: It's up to you. Let me explain. (Shows me eyeball pictures). For larger pupils the surgeon will have to make a larger flap, which means he has to cut lower down or something. (okay, so these aren't exact quotes). We'll have no problem correcting your vision with standard lasik, but you'll have a higher chance of getting halos around lights when you drive at night.

ME: What kind of chance?
DOC: Well everyone gets halos at first, but they go away. A small percentage have these permanently. You're probably, like, 1 in 1500 instead of 1 in 100 000.

ME: So then I just get more lasik and fix it right?
DOC: Um, no. You're stuck with the halos. But if we to the über-expensive version we can eliminate that risk.

ME: What do you think I should do?
DOC: This isn't doctor knows best anymore. It's your decision. If your pupils were so large that I didn't think we could do it I would say "Don't do it". We could do standard and it would probably be fine, but you do have a higher chance of getting halos than normally pupiled people.

COST:
For standard, possibly halo-inducing, surgery: $2093
For über-expensive, custom fit to my massive pupils, surgery: $4045

Appointment for surgery (either one, it's up to me): May 27

Last Day

Today is my final day interning at Today's Parent, after which I'll be back to back to sitting around the apartment all day "jobsearching". Some of the editors took me out to lunch which was nice. It shows they're not totally disappointed in my internerifficness (or else they wanted to celebrate my departure).

I have one fact-checking article not done. It irks me because I know it would reflect well on me to have everything completed, but the sources just will not call me back. I only hope I'm not remembered as the intern that couldn't get it all done.

Someone just randomly brought in a baby. Happens here a lot. I can hear the editor-in-chief and some other eds gushing over her. We like babies.

A dream combo with a new kind of chicken.

If my first dream Adam took me to an outdoor food court. I wasn't expecting to go there and I kept asking him why we were there. We sat down at a long table and some of Adam's relatives joined us. Adam sat across from me but he got up to get something and his mother took his place. I wanted to say that she was in Adam's seat, but didn't want to be impolite. There was KFC on the table, but it was white meat (actually it looked like boneless chicken breasts) and I like dark. I took one anyway to be polite. When I cut into the chicken, all kinds of vegetables came out. I was startled by this even in the dream, but I assumed this was just a new kind of KFC.

In my second dream I was friends with a "man" (I put man in quotes because he looked more like a teenager). He was in love with me but of course I wasn't interested because I'm married to Adam. One time I woke up and he was there instead of Adam. I think maybe I thought it was Adam, because why would this other man be in our bed? Or maybe I just didn't want to hurt the guy's feelings by making a big deal. I was telling this guy about my dream (the one above) and I could tell he wasn't really listening. He was jealous, I think, because Adam was in the dream.

Later, I was in the washroom combing my hair and brushing my teeth and stuff. Someone came in. Sounds weird, but I think it was my wife and daughter. She (my wife?) said "No matter what happens, I'm with you." I couldn't find my necklace but I left the washroom anyway because I was sure that I'd been accused of something horrible. I thought someone had been murdered.

The man who was in love with me was a kindergarten teacher. One of the kids' projects had been ruined and everyone thought that I had done it. "Do you really think an adult did this?" I asked. Another teacher suggested I talk to the man who was in love with me about it. I said that I honestly didn't think this warranted a response. I talked to some of the children anyway, they were talking about their projects and weren't saying anything useful. I must have been a man at this point because I didn't want to explain to the children that I thought their teacher was in love with me. I thought he might get in trouble if people found out he was gay.

So that's that. I welcome any sort of analysis of those.

Today I'm working at the TO Kids Show for Today's Parent. It will be tedious to get to (all the way out near the airport) but I'll get paid, and have an excuse not to wear my pjs today. Next week is my last week of doing my internship. It feels like I just started, but I learned stuff so it was good. I'll have two short articles in TP in September, one on lice and the other on dinner assembly places. So check it out.

Facts and Truths (of the moment)

The Express train is not faster than other trains, it just has more need to express itself.

There are dozens of trains leaving Burlington for Toronto between the hours of 6:45 and 8 am. Regardless of which one you take, you will arrive at Union Station at 8:45.

Folic acid may help prevent neural tube defects if a woman takes it at least 4 months before she even thinks about getting pregnant.

There is no SIDS Canada. The Canadian Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths (CFSID) can be found at sidscanada.org

The Rogers building, which houses Today's Parent, has an outdoor patio on the 10th floor, with a gorgeous view of the city.

The editor-in-chief of Today's Parent stopped eating bread for passover.

To have laser eye surgery with TLC in Toronto costs approximately $5600 for both eyes.

It's difficult to stick to a healthy diet when there's a cream egg melting on your coffee table.

Let this be your last Battlefield

A week or so ago I signed up for 2 different employment agencies (don't tell, they both think I'm being exclusive). Today one of them called me and asked if I wanted to work today day for 10$/hr doing something brainless. Sure! I'll do anything for money (within reason).

So I went off to Battlefield Graphics to see what kind of boringness they had for me. Of course I had to take the bus because there were no cars to be had. I was supposed to be there at 1 so I left home at noon. Plenty of time, right? Except the bus didn't come until 12:45! GAH! And when I told the bus driver where I was going he told me that his bus only goes that far during rush hour. Double GAH! The bus driver phoned me a "dial-a-ride". What's this, says I. It's a taxi.

The bus driver took me as close to my destination as his route would permit (I was the only one on the bus btw), then chucked me at the GO station, where I waited for my knight in yellow armor to rescue me. By that time it was 1:02. By the time the taxi arrived it was 1:10. I gave the knight my transfer (I'd never heard of this dial-a-ride thing before today but the cabbies must get reimbursed by the city, I guess.) By the time I got there it was 1:15. I hate being late! But noone else appeared to notice/care.

I spent the next four hours gluing CDs about depression into books about depression, then the final three hours glue-gunning fluffy dusters onto signs proclaiming the fabulousness of the miracle fluffy dusters. THE END.


Technorati Tags: temping, dusters, depression

Omi legends

Yesterday I went to the movies today with my family, including my slightly senile grandmother. Omi grew up in germany during the war. Every once in a while she randomly spouts family legends, which may or may not be accurate.

Here's a list of the ones I remember:

• Omi always wanted to be a gym teacher. She was very good at gym class until the war when she had to leave school. It was a different time, you see.
• She doesn't like meat that much because her mother once gave her a stick and made her kill one of her father's rabbits. It was a different time, and they were hungry.
• Omi and her cousins used to have to run along the roof tops to escape the "bad men". War brings out the worst in people, she says.
• Omi used to bring food to her father in a Russian prison. One time some men attacked her and after that she sent one of her brothers instead. It was a different time, and war brings out the worst in people.
• Before dating my grandfather, Omi went out with with another boy who was very nice. Her friend saw them together in the movie theatre and said: "I thought he was your brother." After that, she was so embarrassed she never went out with that boy again.
• Omi and Opa met at a dance class. She liked him because he was tall and handsome. They both had other partners in the class, but Opa asked her out anyway. Scandalous!
• Opa promised Omi a wedding in a Catholic church. They went to see a priest who asked them to sign something promising that all their children would be raised in the Catholic faith. Opa said "I don't even have any children yet and you want me to sell them all to you" and he walked out.
• They were married in Belleville. They didn't have enough money, or something, to rent space in the church, so the minister gave them a nice ceremony in his home.
• When Mom was younger she used to ride her bicycle to meet Omi at work and they would ride the bus home together. Mom was such a good girl.
• My mother and father met because of cards. My Dad wanted to play cards and my Mom wanted to study. So my Mom said, "Let's study first, and then we can play cards!"
• When I was younger I used to drive the car and sing. Omi wishes she could sing, but she can't.
• Last week Omi went with my Uncle John to the new Casino in Niagra Falls. You have no idea how beautiful it is. Omi won more than her son. She got all her money back and won a hundred dollars. I'm smart, so I would win too if I went.

So now you know my grandmother. If all these stories are true, she's a pretty amazing lady. Of course they're not, but she's a neat lady anyway. Too bad about the alzeimers.

BTW: I'd like to draw your attention to http://pupsickle.blogspot.com/ the blogger who is currently renting space on my sidebar. Because we all know that being associated with my blog will generate SO much traffic. Pupsickle is a funny word, so why not visit that site?

Technorati Tags: alzeimer's, Omi, stories

I have great ideas

So I was at a brainstorming meeting at Today's Parent where everyone (including the super happy underling) had to present story ideas for an upcoming issue (a themed issue, but I won't say what theme because I never know what info would be considered top secret insider stuff).

I was so nervous this morning because my second worse fear (after heights) is people thinking I'm stupid. (Now all my internet fans are going to think I'm stupid for being so paranoid and insecure, but oh well). Anyway, since this is the first thing anyone's asked me to do that involves some creative brain power, my insecurities came to the surface.

It turns out my fears were just as stupid as you think. The editor-in-chief (big kahuna) said "great idea" when my idea was presented. (I didn't have to be the one to read it, Thank Worf). It's not for sure they'll use it but it was definitely well received.

I'm not stupid! Yippee!

Technorati Tags: fears, stupid, Today's Parent, heights

An even more horrid disease.

This morning when I woke up I noticed a strange growth growing from the sides of my face. The doctor at the walk-in clinic said that my condition is probably related to the shingles I had last week. Shingles and this rare condition "chicken lumps" are both caused by the chicken pox virus. He gave me some anti-viral medicine that costs even more than the shingles pills! He also advised me not too scratch the growth. But it's super itchy!

My Slash Parents

For those of you who are unfamiliar with slash fiction (Mom), they are explicit stories involving two male tv characters in a sexual relationship. It started with star trek (as much perversion does), the first slash fiction being about Kirk and Spock (Kirk/Spock, Kirk slash Spock, Slash Fiction, get it?). Supposedly this kind of fan fiction is written primarily for hetrosexual women, because we will both identify with the male characters and be attracted to them at the same time.

Anway I found this quiz (below) which lets you figure out which star trek slash couple are your parents. These guys are having sex right, so they can have babies. It's the 24th century after all (or the 23rd, depending on the series). I get different stuff if I type in just my first name, my maiden name, my middle name, so play around with it.

I think the big question is which one of them is Mom?

Who are your Star Trek Slash parents? by jenniferlupin
Name
Age
Your Parents
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Technorati Tags:Star Trek, Slash Fiction, quiz, parents, Mom,

The sunny stop

This morning I missed my subway stop. I totally zoned out and by the time I noticed that the white tiled wall I was staring at had BLOOR written across it in bold greenish letters, the door was half closed and a barely intelligible voice was broadcasting over the loudspeakers "Stand clear of the doors". I lept at the doors anyway as my logic circuits hadn't quite kicked in.

Once the train started moving again I looked around to see if anybody had noticed my idiotic behaviour. In true Toronto fashion, my fellow subwayers avoided eye contact. I got off at Rosedale.

I always forget, until I get there, that Rosedale is outside rather than underground. What a beautiful stop. It was such a treat to see the sun that I was almost disappointed when the southbound train only took 30 seconds to arrive (I said almost, keep in mind I'm the person who would rather walk for an hour than wait 5 minutes).

And that was my event for the day. Enjoy the sunshine.

Technorati Tags: sunshine,Bloor,Rosedale,subway,Toronto
Space Cadet

Our new toilet.

So yesterday some plumbers took over our building and replaced all the avacado, baby blue, and pink toilets with theses nice shiny white ones. The grass outside was a rainbow of porcelyn potties. Our sink and bathtub, still in avacado splendor, are more than a little jealous, let me tell you.

In other news I'm looking into becoming an enumerator. That sounds all cool and double-o-seven, but all it entails is dropping off forms for the census bureau, and maybe calling to hassle the people that don't fill them out. I went in for an hour long testing yesterday, shingles and all. The test asked mind-boggling logic puzzles like count the houses on the map and if Mrs. Jones was born in 1930 what age category does she fall in? It was multiple choice. I swear I am too smart for this world.

Technorati Tags: toilet,avacado,census,enumerator,logic

It's a Horrid Disease. I knew it!

So I have the weird bumpy rash on my hip. Such things are not unusual for me. My skin is not exactly macho. The most hypo-allergenic perfume-free Tide can make me scratch. So I didn't go to the doctor when I started to itch. I waited till I sprouted weird bumpies.

Since part of the rash was below my pant line, my doctor had to get the nurse to come and look at it too. This I assume is so when I sue him for sexual harrassment for asking me to pull down my pants, the nurse can say "duh, what's sexy about a rash?" All very well and good, but it means the whole office gets to peek at my underwear.

Anyway, he takes one look at my bumpies and prenounces them "shingles". Sort of like chicken pox for old people. Doc also says I shouldn't hang out with pregnant people, and since Today's Parent is Pregnancyland, I can't really go to my internship this week. Apparantly, should the evil shingles go untreated I could get pain and stuff later on. Then he wrote me a prescription: $127! The shingles are causing me pain, pain in the wallet.

The ultra-expensive medicine apparently doubles as a fetus killer, so I had to pee in a cup to make sure I wasn't pregnant. The same nurse who checked out my pretty blue undies also got to examine my urine! Wasn't it just her lucky day?


Shingles info (some according to Doc, some according to the instructions pack of my meds, most according to my friend the internet):

• shingles is from the same virus as chicken pox. You can't "catch" shingles. It's my understanding that the virus was dormant in my nerves or some such, from when I had a very mild case of chicken pox in grade 2.
• Only 20% of people who have had chicken pox get shingles (lucky me).
• Most people who get shingles are over 65 (I'm only 39 years off).
• The virus gets into one group of nerves. (in my case my hip). So the bumpies won't appear on my other hip, on my face, or anywhere else that's not along that nerve.
• It's possible that I could actually give chicken pox to someone who hasn't had it.

shingles, chicken pox

African children are not stupid

This is odd because I've only dreamt that I was someone else once before.

So in my dream I was a man with a wife and two children, both probably in their early teens. I think we were rich because we lived in a big house. I had one of those jobs that you have to travel a lot. I was going to go to Africa and my family didn't want me to go. My son had a dream about a rat and he was terrified because it somehow foreshadowed my death. My daughter told me "People in Africa are stupid", and I explained to her that African children are very intelligent and if they had the money we have they would be almost the same as us.

On our kitchen table there were tiny fruit trees growing in bowls. My daughter took the last peach and I had to settle for an apple. There was also a tiny strawberry tree and a tiny blueberry tree. I was going to have some blueberries but when I looked closely at the tree I saw that there were tiny mushrooms growing on it. I guess my daughter felt bad, because she threw me the peach from across the table. A tall, chubby black man was there (maybe he was going to go to Africa with me, I don't know) and he said something like "your daughter is gullible". I replied "No, she's generous." I was proud of her.

The place is full of gorgeous children

Interning at a magazine called Today's Parent you'd think I'd be used to seeing the odd baby. But here on the 8th floor it's business as usual, with no sign whatever that March Break is in full swing. When I went down to the lunchroom though I saw various babes, most of the infant variety but also a few more seasoned preschoolers. In any group of children there's bound to be one ugly one, but not so today. They were all so beautiful, I was sure there was some kind of minor photoshoot going on (but not for TP? What's this?). My curiousity won out and I asked one stroller Mom what the big event was. She said that she had no idea. She was on mat leave and her and her fellow mat-leaver decided to come in and show off their new cuties. She reminded me that it was March Break, but, says I, there's no school children here. For babies, it should just be any other week. So I conclude that this was all some bizarre coincidence.

Directions to Mars

No longer are google's highly useful satellite photos limited to getting around on Earth. Yup, you can check out Mars aswell. They don't have maps or street names (yet) and the images are about as acurate as the ones for Mongolia, but I'm sure this is the first step to finally being able to get directions to your favourite Martian vacation spots. I can't tell you the number of times I was trying to get to Riu Mars, and ended up at the wrong side of the tracks in Uranus.

http://www.google.com/mars/

En Francais

I fact-checked a piece in French today. Haven't really spoken it since I graduated high school in '99 but when an editor here asked if I spoke French I said "Yes". The piece itself was in English, but the subject was a Quebec woman who spoke very little English. I found it fairly easy to comprehend what the woman was saying, but translating the facts into French and relaying them to her in passable grammar was a painful experience. I just don't have the vocab for it anymore. Luckily, this was a very nice woman. For this piece I gave up the fact-checking rules of controlling the call and not letting the source ramble on. I figured the process would be more efficient if she did most of the talking.

I don't feel confident enough to cross "brush up on my French" off the list of things to do before I die, but I think I'm better for the experience.

A word about fat free cheese

My husband, being a health conscious sort, recently purchased a package of fat free kraft single slices. I was leary of them as I put the translucent slices on my sandwich this morning. Perhaps, thought I, I have an unfair bias towards opaque cheese and these are perfectly fine. They do have the same plasticy texture and unnatural orange-yellow that I've come to know and love (yes, I am in that minority of people who LOVE the kraft singles). After eating my sandwich I can now give you this review of the offending cheese:

They melt at room temperature, or slightly below. Even if they're still cold, they melt. And we're not talking yummy cheesey melting. No. I think the way kraft pulled off this whole fat free thing is by replacing the milk with water (not the most appetizing thing to do with cheese). So basically my cheese was drooling. As far as taste, yes, they do taste reminiscent of regular single slices, but I was turned off by the texture and didn't enjoy it. Maybe they would work on cheeseburgers? Or not.

The highlight of my day.

The highlight of my day was when I picked up some guy's keys. He was walking in front of me on the sidewalk in Toronto and there were holes in the pockets of his coat and his keys fell out and landed right in front of me.

Why was this a highlight? Because he was so grateful. I was his saviour. WHen I handed him the keys he burst into a tarnished-gold tooth grin and exclaimed in an accent which could have come from any one of a dozen european countries: "Thank you SO much Girlie. I don't know what I would have done if you weren't there."

I told him you're welcome and it was no problem. (and it wasn't - can you imagine anyone who would have just kicked the keys aside and kept on going?)

He proceded to elaborate on how, had I not handed himn his keys, he wouldn't have been able to get into his house and, because of a bad back, he couldn't walk very far.

Glad I could help.

Mom and Baby Jen

So I was looking through some photos and I found this one. Yup, that's my mom. And that peacefully sleeping infant with the incredible jello neck is me.

Can you believe that I can't even fall asleep on the GoTrain? Sheesh, it looks like the stroller is severing my head.

Things I Want to Do Before I Die

I went to this website which is basically a collection of lists of things people want to do before they die.
Here's mine (in no particular order):

• Go to Germany.
• Got to Italy.
• See the rest of Canada.
• Generally travel the world.
• Learn Polish.
• Learn sign language.
• Become fluent in German.
• Brush up on my French ( I used to want to learn every language, but there are lots).
• Publish a novel (or several).
• Have children.
• Own a house.
• Learn to ride a motorcycle.
• Get my eyes lasered.
• Become the editor-in-chief (of something)
• Own all the Star Trek on DVD (getting there)

I'll probably add more as I read other people's for ideas. If you want what other people wrote, clickety click on one of the pointy brackets to scroll through the webring.

< !Before I'm Gone?>